


Rise Up

by GardingLondon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anger, Angst, Depression, Fluff, Isolation, M/M, Slow Burn, Trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2018-11-02 11:39:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 68,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10943745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GardingLondon/pseuds/GardingLondon
Summary: Harry is headed back to Hogwarts to complete his NEWT year. For the life of him, he can't figure out what he's really doing there. He can't sleep, he barely eats and he's constantly overheating.Nobody seems to have any helpful suggestions on what he should do with himself now that he's defeated Voldemort.He starts withdrawing from everybody around him, sure that there is no right answer. But answers are often found in the most unlikely of people. It isn't until he learns how to truly listen that he learns how to rise up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own and did not come up with any of the following characters. I recognize them as the property of JK Rowling and will not receive monetary compensation in any way.

“Merlin, what have I done?” Harry rubbed the bridge of his nose as he sat on the edge of his bed. He took a steadying breath and looked around the small room that would be his for the next 10 months. At least he didn’t have to share a room with anybody. He didn’t think he could handle that. 

Hell, he still wasn’t convinced that returning to complete his NEWT year was something he could handle. If today was any indication of how the rest of the year was going to go, he’d probably be gone within a fortnight. 

There was a quiet tap at his window, which was enough to find Harry on his feet with his wand pointed at the glass. Laughing at his own stupidity, he went and opened the window, allowing the owl to fly and land on the back of his chair. It hooted at him softly before holding out its leg. 

Harry untied the letter and watched as the owl flew back out into the night. Harry stared at the parchment in his hands and allowed the smallest of smiles to curl at the corner of his mouth.  
“Charlie, you know me too well.” Opening the letter, he sank into the chair in front of his desk to read it. 

 

_Harry,_  
_I’m sure that today has been a tough day for you. If nothing else, you probably want to hex everybody who comes within a few feet of you. I hope you haven’t hexed anybody yet. Though, knowing you, I’m sure you have._  
_Returning to Hogwarts was the right thing to do. You need something to focus on. If nothing else, Hogwarts will give you something to do until next June. Then, if there is nothing else you want to do with your life, you can always rejoin me in Romania. All the blokes here would be happy to have you back. But you need to try other things, too._  
_I’m writing to you now because I know you are probably sitting in a room alone, yes, I know you told McGonagall that you refused to have room mates, and you will be thinking that this was all a huge mistake. I promise you it wasn’t. Everything will work out. Stop being such a pillock. Give it a chance._  
_Keep me updated on how you’re doing._  
_\- Charlie_

__

__

_____ _

 

Harry shook his head and set the letter on his desk. It was rather scary how well Charlie had come to know him in the few months that they had spent together. Deep down, he knew that Charlie was right. Hogwarts was the best place for him to be right now. No matter how uncomfortable it was going to make him at first. He figured that things could have gone a lot worse. He wasn’t quite sure how, but he hadn’t figured out a more circumspect way to get his point across for the month or so that he’d been planning his return.

I mean sure, he probably shouldn’t have hexed his fellow students in the great hall, but maybe the message would get out that he didn’t appreciate being touched. He grimaced and started getting ready for bed. He wasn’t quite sure how he’d avoided detention for it, but he was grateful. He wondered idly if McGonagall had seen the panic in his eyes. He tried so hard to keep emotion off his face, but when people swarmed him like that… he reacted instinctively.

He lightly traced over the scar on his forehead. He knew that turning 18 would have a lot of people trying even harder to touch his scar, but he was not having it. He didn’t need people touching his scar so that they could claim to be his soulmate by conjuring a matching mark of their own. He did not need people touching him without permission. He wondered if what had happened at dinner was just a taste of what was to come. 

He remembered what had happened that evening and wondered what he should tell Charlie.

He had been swarmed immediately, people were pressing against him on all sides. Panicking he had hastily cast a charm that blasted back everybody clustered around him. They found themselves tumbling onto their asses a good 15 feet away from where they had started, as everybody in the Great Hall turned and stared. Silence reigned.

Harry, feeling rather embarrassed, said quietly, “Don’t touch me.” Before he sat down at the Gryffindor table and stared down at his plate. His quiet voice had carried through the silent hall and whispers quickly picked up and the volume in the hall rose as his admirers gingerly picked themselves up off the floor. Those walking in gave him a wide berth. 

“Mr. Potter,” Harry didn’t look up at the sound of Professor McGonagall’s voice. “What do you think you were doing?” He rubbed his forehead before mumbling an answer.  
“They were all touching me. I cast a shield charm.” Though he didn’t look at her, he knew McGonagall was staring at him. He could imagine the frustration on her face.  
“Be that as it may, Potter, you are not allowed to use magic against your fellow students. We have a no tolerance policy going this year. If you do it again, I will have no choice but to remove you from the castle.” Her voice was soft with understanding and Harry hated it. “Please avoid such public displays again.”

Harry had nodded and muttered, “Yes, Professor.” McGonagall moved back to her seat at the high table, leaving Harry alone again. 

The only ones’ brave enough to approach him after that were Ginny, Ron, and Hermione. They settled down in the seats next to him and, with a glance at one another, decided to ignore what had just happened. 

“How was the rest of your summer? You look well.” Hermione’s voice sounded bright, but Harry could see the worry in her eyes. He couldn’t blame them for being worried. He hadn’t been in contact with any of them since he had fled to Romania to help Charlie in the Dragon Camp. 

“It was good.” Harry’s eyes dropped back to his plate and his fingers traced idly along the rim of his goblet. An awkward silence fell over the group as Harry refused to elaborate. Eventually, Hermione tried again. 

“We were glad to hear that you had decided to return to school this year. We missed you.” Harry looked up her from under his lashes before nodding. “Missed you, too,” he mumbled. He was pretty sure that he meant it, too. 

“You look good, Harry.” Ginny was studying him intently, as though she was trying to determine what exactly he had been up to for the past two months. He blinked at her, the look on his face indicating his skepticism. “You do!” Ginny grinned at him slyly. “If you hadn’t already managed it in such a… conspicuous manner, we would have had to beat the women off you. The sun has done you good and you’ve gained some weight. You look hot!”

He gave her a flat look while Ron choked and Hermione laughed. To his relief, Professor McGonagall chose that moment to rise and welcome everybody to a new school year. 

Harry lay back in bed and twirled his wand around in his fingers. He was exhausted. He wondered if he would sleep tonight. Climbing off his bed, he walked towards the door and closed his eyes. Pulling his wand from his pocket, he began drawing intricate patterns through the air. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all unless he had fully warded his room.  
He had, had too many interrupted nights since the Battle. Some were welcome but most were not.

His magic began weaving itself around the room, tickling his skin as the ward recognized his magical signature. After several minutes of concentration, Harry let his wand drop and opened his eyes. Nobody would be able to enter his room except for him. He knew that Ron and Hermione would be upset that they wouldn’t be allowed in, but Harry couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty about it. 

He knew that he needed space and he would get it however he could, even if that meant that Ron and Hermione got excluded every now and again. Plus, they were dating now, they probably wouldn’t want to come and spend time in Harry’s room. They would have each other to focus on.

Harry rather liked the idea that he finally had a space where nobody could reach him. Nobody could touch his things, nobody could sneak it, and nobody would be able to stare at him, ask him questions, touch him, or bother him at all. He gave his wand one final flick, settling a hex on the outside of his door. 

Now, unless the person touching his door was known by his wards, they would receive a shock. If somebody tried to knock and bother him, they’d get shocked. If anybody tried to open his door, they’d really get shocked. If somebody tried to follow him into his room after him, they’d hit an invisible ward and would probably fall over. 

It’d taken him quite a while to research the wards he’d put up. He was careful to build them, not only would they keep out everybody but Harry, but they would also block sound from outside and ensure that nobody could hear anything from inside, even if they were standing outside his room and his door was open. 

He sat at his desk and began to draft a letter to Charlie, telling him about his first night back. 

 

The following morning found Harry staring at his schedule. It seemed so… empty. He wasn’t sure that he liked the idea of free time. Ever since the battle, Harry had tried to keep himself as occupied as possible. He found it was better than thinking. If he was busy, he didn’t have to dwell on his grief, his anger or anything else, for that matter. He could stop thinking and throw himself into whatever task was at hand. 

Picking up his schedule, he walked over to Professor McGonagall who was sitting at the head table. She glanced up at him as he approached. “Good morning, Professor. I had a quick question for you, if you don’t mind?” His voice was quiet as watched her.

“Of course, Potter. What can I do for you?” She looked at him curiously, wondering what could possibly be the matter before classes had even started.  
“I was wondering, Professor, if… There was a chance that I might be able to sign up for any more classes?” Harry watched her hopefully and proffered his schedule. Whatever Minerva McGonagall had been expecting him to ask, that certainly wasn’t it. Her eyebrows had all but vanished into her hairline.  
“More… more classes, Potter? Whatever for?”

Harry met and held her gaze, “I like to keep busy. Since I won’t have quidditch to help fill my time, I was wondering if I might be able to fill it some other way. The obvious answer was to take more classes.” He waited for her answer. 

McGonagall looked down at his schedule and then back up at Harry. “As you did not take any of the other available courses in your previous year, I’m not sure if you’d be prepared to take a NEWT course in any of those subjects. I would suggest that your current course load will keep you quite busy.” Harry continued to stare at her, “But, Potter, if you find that after a week or two of term, that you are still wanting to enroll in more courses, I will help you find something to fit your current needs.”

Harry nodded at her and accepted his schedule before turning and walking silently away. He had wondered if she would take that angle. He couldn’t deny that he was disappointed, but he figured he could see how demanding his NEWT courses were going to be. He joined Ron and Hermione at the Gryffindor table where they were eating breakfast.  
They both greeted him brightly and he nodded in return. 

“But seriously Hermione, Neville? How did I end up rooming with Neville?” Ron shook his head before looking at Harry, “How did you end up as the only one with a single room?” He looked rather accusatory and Harry wondered how angry Ron would be if Harry told him that when he wrote back to Professor McGonagall to tell her that he would be attending this year, that his stipulation for attendance would be a private dorm room. Instead of saying this, he shrugged.

Hemione watched him carefully. “It’s quite lucky, Harry. You’ll have a quiet place to study and you’ll have so much privacy! Do you have a desk in your room then? That would be so nice, I always regretted that the dorms weren’t large enough for private study areas.”

Harry nodded at her as he shredded a pastry with his fingers. He even ate a small piece of it. Harry idly listened to them continue their discussion on rooming assignments as his eyes wandered over to the Slytherin table. Very few Slytherins had returned this year. Their table was about half as full as the other houses’. Of the students in their year, only Draco Malfoy had returned to finish his NEWTs. And now he was sitting alone at the far end of the table. Harry watched some of the other Slytherins walk past him, sending him dirty looks, and giving him a wide berth.  
It appeared that Draco was going to enjoy this coming year about as much as Harry was expecting to.

Harry vaguely wondered how Malfoy’s first day back was going to go before Hermione ushered both him and Ron to their feet to get them to class.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry’s first week back was far from pleasant. In fact, it was completely dreadful. He was exhausted, had no appetite and was constantly hounded by his fellow students. Ron and Hermione did their best at trying to keep everybody from mobbing him in the corridors, but they quickly learned that it was an exercise in futility. People just wanted to touch Harry. It was driving him spare. He had never liked people invading his personal space, let alone touching him. 

The worst of it was that he wasn’t allowed to _do_ anything about it. He had already been told that by McGonagall. He started to hate leaving his room. 

All his friends knew that he didn’t like being touched, even before all of this ‘Chosen One’ business began. Hermione liked to say that it had to do with his childhood with the Dursley’s. Regardless of reasons why, it had allowed him to keep his current predicament quiet. At least, until Thursday, during morning break. 

Harry was being thronged and, warning or no warning, was about ready to hex everybody within a ten-foot radius. Hermione, seeming to pick up on this, had grabbed his arm and helped pull him away. They ran until they were able duck unnoticed behind a tapestry that led into a hidden stairwell. Gasping for breath, they listened to see if the mob would pass them by. 

“Are you running a fever?” Hermione peered up into his face. “You’re awfully warm.” Harry wrenched his arm out of her grip and backed a few steps away. “I’m fine, Hermione.” He tried giving her his most innocent look, he even smiled at her, which he knew she hadn’t seen from him in quite a while. 

Hermione’s eyes narrowed, catching on immediately. “You wouldn’t be lying to me, would you Harry?” her voice invited no evasion. 

“Of course not!” he protested, “I just got a little panicked with everybody pressed up against us. Made me a little warm. You know I don’t like crowds.” The evasion was there if she cared to push. But she didn’t. Hermione softened. 

“I know, Harry. I’ve just been worried about you. What with George, and then you leaving for Romania… We didn’t even know you were back until we caught a picture of you in the paper. And the prophet didn’t even manage that until the day before term started.” She made as if to brush her fingers across his cheek but seemed to think better of it. 

“I just want to know that you’re ok. We’ve all been through so much this past year and we’ve lost so many people. We don’t want to lose you, too.” Harry nodded silently at the floor. He felt a small pang of guilt, hearing the worry that he knew he had been causing her. He even recognized that it wasn’t just her worrying, but the rest of the Weasley’s as well. 

He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I love you, too, ‘Mione.” He looked her in the eye, wanting to make sure she understood. “You know that, right? You know that I don’t… I don’t mean to make you worry. I wish you wouldn’t. I’m…” He wanted to reassure her, tell her that he was fine, but he couldn’t quite manage it. Because he did have a problem. Ever since he had died, his body seemed to be running at a higher temperature. He hadn’t noticed it at first, but over time he had steadily grown warmer. He didn’t know why, but he knew he wasn’t sick and he refused to go to St Mungo’s. 

Hermione smiled up at him sadly. “I think your mob has cleared off.” The silence from the corridor beyond the tapestry seemed to corroborate her statement. “Shall we head to class?” They managed to make it to herbology just as the bell rang, signaling the start of class. 

That small niggling feeling of guilt that Hermione had inspired in Harry grew throughout the rest of the day. He managed to ignore it during classes and he managed to keep himself busy after dinner by doing his homework. He tried to go slow, he tried to draw it out, to make it last, but by 11 o’clock Harry was admitting something that he had never thought he would in his life. 

He did not have enough homework. 

Having retreated to his room to finish his assignments, he now found himself alone with his thoughts. And, alone with his thoughts was Harry’s least favorite way to be. He had managed to avoid thinking of Hermione’s words all day, he had avoided the feelings of guilt that had begun winding themselves through his chest. Panic started to set in as he began pacing around his room. 

He wished they wouldn’t worry. But MERLIN. If they had to worry, he wished they’d keep it to themselves. Ron and Hermione were a comfort that he desperately wanted. They so rarely asked questions of him anymore. They didn’t demand answers. They let him be. But he was worrying them. He ran his hands through his hair a little desperately, his hands shaking. 

He didn’t have anything to give. He felt empty, emotionally drained. There was nothing but this infuriating panic that was winding itself through him. He took several deep breathes, trying to loosen the tension coiling through him. He needed something to focus on. Something to do, something to read. He couldn’t think about Hermione right now. 

Harry stopped pacing and stared at his bed. He knew he wouldn’t sleep. Maybe… he looked at the potion vial sitting innocently on his bedside table. Dreamless Sleep. He knew he’d used it too often lately. He shouldn’t, but oh Merlin how he just wanted to forget for a while. He didn’t want to think and worry and obsess over how Hermione and the Weasley’s wanted him to behave. 

He took a step closer to his bedside table. Nobody would know, nobody could come in here. Harry sank down onto the edge of his bed, his eyes trained on the potion. His hand shook slightly as he reached for it. “Just tonight. Tonight will be the last time.” 

With a small sip of liquid, Harry stopped thinking. 

 

“Do you think he’s ok?” Ron’s quiet voice carried just far enough for Harry to hear him. It was breakfast time on Saturday and Harry had been staring at the table for a solid 10 minutes while everybody ate and chatted around him. Harry’s eyes didn’t move, even as he processed what Ron was saying. All he was trying to do was figure out what he couldn’t possibly fill his day with. He had finished all of his homework. Having barely slept at all last night had given him plenty of time for it. He had guiltily tucked away his potion vial Friday morning when he woke up. 

But now he was facing a free weekend. This was not ok. He had woken up after a fitful few hours of sleep full of nightmares and couldn’t seem to get the memories out of his head. He was exhausted and tired of thinking. He wished he had something good to think about. Or at least… he wished he could recall some positive memories, at the very least. But even those eluded him. He decided it was good that there weren’t any dementors around. He didn’t think he could cast a patronus to save his life.

This thought prompted a bitter smile to his lips. Hemione tried to include him in the conversation at Ron’s question. “Harry, Ron and I were planning on going to the library to work on our homework after breakfast.” She pointedly ignored Ron’s groan. “Would you like to come with us?” 

Harry lifted his gaze and looked at them. They both looked hopeful as his eyes focused on them. Clearing his throat softly, he said, “I’ve already finished my homework. But I guess I could use some more books to read, in any case.” Ron’s jaw dropped. Even Hermione looked surprised. 

“You’ve… finished? It’s only Saturday morning!” Harry shrugged slightly and took a sip of tea before he rose to his feet. “See you both there, yeah?” With that, he headed off towards the library. The idea of books struck him as a good one. His skin had felt itchy lately, especially around his curse scars. He figured he could look and see if there were any books that could tell him why that might be happening. Anything to fill his empty day.

Ron and Hermione exchanged glances before quickly grabbing their bags and following him. 

 

While Ron and Hermione spread out their homework, Harry wandered around the shelves, looking for books on skin and scar ailments. For the first time all week, he felt as though he could relax. The library was deserted this early on a Saturday morning and the presence of so many books helped him feel calm. 

“Spattergroit, Dragonpox, minor bumps and bruises, cuts… none of these are what I want.” Harry trailed his fingers along the edges of the tomes as he passed them by. He froze as one in particular caught his eye. _Ink for all Occasions_. That must be in the wrong section, he thought. He wondered idly if there was a section on calligraphy, or some other such rubbish, nearby as he plucked the book off the shelf. 

He flipped the book open and stared. Tattoos. Really? Who’d have thought that the library would have a book on that. Other than the Dark Mark on the death eaters, he’d never really recalled seeing wizards with tattoos. Curiosity spiking, he carried the book back to the table where Ron and Hermione sat. 

Ron glanced up at him as he approached. His hair was sticking up as though he had been running his hand through it in frustration. Harry smirked as he spotted the potions book open at Ron’s elbow. No wonder he looked frustrated. 

“Tattoos, Harry? Really?” Ron sounded incredulous. Harry glanced at the book and then up at Ron. Hermione had even roused herself from her homework at that. Harry shrugged and settled down into his chair. “I’ve never really thought about it before. I mean…” he trailed off at the look on Ron’s face. He flipped the book open and looked down.

Ron and Hermione shared a worried glance as Harry began to read. 

_Ink for Every Occasion_ was quite a fascinating book. Most of it was focused on tattoos that seemed exactly like the ones Muggles got, though the method of getting them was different. They didn’t move or do anything special. They just… were. Just like muggles. Harry was rather surprised. He had been expecting a little more… well, magic. It would almost be a muggle book if it weren’t for the last chapter, which talked about soulmarks. 

Soulmarks were a strange phenomenon. Harry rather thought it explained why tattooing wasn’t common among wizards. When a witch or wizard turned 18, it was possible for them to gain soulmarks. A soulmate, the one person you are perfectly compatible with, is where your soulmarks originate. As that person goes through life they will sometimes receive scars. The natural resilience of witches and wizards to common injury means that injuries that are deep enough to leave scars on the flesh are often cause for scarring on the soul. 

This soul damage is reflected onto the soulmates body. After age 18, a shadow of the scars will slowly begin to appear on the soulmates body. It will be a light gold in color and only visible to the individual. If two soulmates were to touch each other’s scars, the marks would burn black and become visible to everybody else. This is how one would identify their soulmate. 

If an individual is unable to find their soulmate and allows themselves to become very distraught, an unbalanced witch or wizard has been known to inflict scars upon themselves in an effort to make themselves more easily identifiable. 

Harry had heard of soulmarks before, of course. You couldn’t avoid the topic, especially when Valentine’s Day rolled around. He’d never given it much consideration before, other than to think of how many people were going to try and touch him, but he found his mind sticking on the idea of finding somebody who was ‘perfectly compatible’ to him. Part of him doubted that anybody could fit that description. 

He glanced up at Ron and Hermione. He wondered if they were soulmates. He wondered if either of them had soulmarks that had begun to emerge. He wondered if they cared.

“Gonna get a tattoo, mate?” Ron’s voice jolted Harry out of his musings and he realized that he’d been staring. 

“I dunno.” Harry rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s not really done, is it?” at that moment, Harry noticed Draco Malfoy glancing their way as he browsed a nearby bookshelf. Draco rubbed his left arm before quickly pulling a book off the shelf and retreating further into the stacks. 

There was a pause, as Harry watched Malfoy retreat, his mind racing.

“Actually, you know what?” Harry’s mind seemed to freeze. Stuck on the expression on Malfoy’s face as he had briefly grasped his forearm. “I think a tattoo is exactly what I need.” 

He stood and looked down at them. “I’ll see you later.” Without so much as a backwards glance, Harry walked out of the library with his book on tattoos. He had some shopping to do.


	3. Chapter 3

When Professor McGonagall had informed all of the eighth years that, because they were all adults, that special allowances would be made for them, Harry hadn’t expected to really use the privileges. Eighth years were allowed to leave school grounds on weekends, and not just to go to Hogsmeade. Harry thought it was smart of the Professors to make the rule to allow them free weekends instead of trying to limit them to Hogsmeade alone. Heaven knows every eighth year could apparate anyway. Nobody would have stayed in Hogsmeade. 

 

Harry fidgeted, his fingers tapping rhythmically against his leg as he walked out onto the sunny grounds. He couldn’t lie to himself, he was nervous about going out into public. Maybe he could go to some muggle shops to find what he needed. He nodded along with his own thoughts as he walked. Yes. Muggle shops. But he didn’t have any muggle money on him. Gringotts, first then. 

Harry slowed slightly as he caught sight of a group of girls, sprawled out on the grass with their homework. They were staring. His chest prickled with anxiety. He looked away and quickened his pace. Merlin, he hated people. He glanced at them over his shoulder. A few of the girls had stood up as he passed. 

His only thought was, ‘oh fuck’, before he broke into a sprint, fleeing any and all thought of people following him. As soon as he cleared the gates, he spun on his heel, vanishing with a small pop. 

He lands with a slight stagger at the head of Diagon Alley. After a quick glance around to ensure that he simply blended in with the crowd, he made his way up the marble steps, passed the goblin who stood outside the door and walked up to the first available goblin he saw. 

As he waited for the goblin to acknowledge him, he took quick stock of his surroundings. A few of the goblins around him had recognized him and were looking at him with barely veiled hostility. He shuffled his feet and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Apparently, they hadn’t forgotten his escape on the back of one of their security dragons. Not that he’d really expected them to. 

The goblin behind the counter set down his long quill and watched Harry carefully through slanted eyes. “To what, do we owe the pleasure, Mister Potter?” The goblins voice fairly dripped poison. 

Harry gulped and muttered. “I need to take some gold out of my vault and exchange it for muggle money.” The goblin glowered at him before calling out. “Thickaxe! Gornock!” two new goblins walked over to them. “Please take Mister _Potter_ to his vault. He wishes to exchange gold for pounds.”

Harry barely refrained from rolling his eyes. It’s not like he’d walk into Gringotts as _himself_ and try to rob it. Hell, he thought it was a miracle that he had managed it once. But he understood their distrust and silently allowed the two-goblin escort to his vault. Not really knowing how much money he would need, he took out a substantial amount to exchange. He felt that he might be shopping in muggle London a lot more anyway. 

Having borne the glares and hostility of the goblins, he beat a hasty retreat from the bank. Not wanting to risk the press of people in the street, he apparated to the Leaky Cauldron and quickly beat a path out the front door. He was pretty sure that Tom, the barkeeper, had recognized him, so he hurriedly vanished his robes, revealing the shorts and t-shirt he had been wearing underneath and strove to blend in with the crowds of muggles. 

Not really knowing where he needed to go to find a tattoo parlor, Harry ducked into a nearby alley and pulled out his wand. Placing it in the palm of his hand, he whispered to it, “Point me.”

He continued this practice and ended up walking for a good hour before he found a shop that looked like the exact thing he was looking for. He stepped into the parlor and blinked in the dim light. 

Harry emerged several hours later carrying a small parcel. That had certainly been an experience. He knew that he wouldn’t be getting tattoos in the muggle way, but he had been fascinated with the detailed descriptions he had received on how it was accomplished. The artist who had been working had apparently had a slow day and was more than happy to explain tattoos, piercing and, health guidelines. 

She had been much more reserved when Harry had asked to purchase ink. Apparently, that isn’t something that tattoo parlors do. That request had earned Harry a 10-minute lecture on the importance of having tattoos done professionally. Harry overcame her objections with a well-placed confundus charm. He felt rather guilty about it, but he really didn’t know where he would acquire ink otherwise. 

He began wandering idly up the street, lost in thought while glancing carelessly at the window displays of shops that he passed. He wondered design or words he should tattoo on himself. What would he want to have permanently on his skin? He rubbed his scar lightly as he thought, marveling at the idea that he could _choose_ what showed up on his skin this time. 

It would have to be something that conveyed an important moment, idea, somebody he loved, or something important that he had learned. Maybe mistakes he wished he could change. Harry hummed softly and paused as his eye was caught on a bright window display. After a moment’s hesitation, he entered the shop. He began to peruse the supplies on display, but he assumed that he must look woefully lost, for a moment later, an employee walked up to him and helped direct him to the more expensive and therefore, higher quality, product that they stocked. 

Ten minutes later, Harry walked out with a large parcel whose contents he would never, in all his life, have considered using, let alone purchasing. 

Walking into an empty alleyway, he spun on his heel, leaving behind London, in favor of Hogsmeade High Street. Though people turned to watch him, for once, nobody approached him, something that Harry was exceptionally grateful for. He was happy with what he had accomplished today and was hoping to make it to the great hall for dinner. He felt hungry for once and wasn’t going to pass up the chance to enjoy a good meal. 

He slipped down a side street that cut past the Hogs Head and made the walk to the school a little shorter. He shifted his packages in his arms before a shout stopped him in his tracks. 

“Potter! What do you think you’re doing here?” an unkempt, middle-aged man stepped into the street in front of him. He swayed slightly, his eyes glaring and bloodshot as they focused in on Harry. “Don’t you know that we don’t want you around here?” 

Harry stared at the man, at a complete loss for words. “Haven’t you caused enough death? You brought war and death here and you have the gall to saunter on through as if you couldn’t care less? If it weren’t for you, my daughter would still be here. If you had given yourself over to You Know Who, instead of letting everybody die for you.”

Harry gaped, he couldn’t believe his ears. He made as if to say something, but no words came out. 

The man stumbled forward, pointing his wand at Harry drunkenly. “You deserve to die more than she did!” BANG – Harry flinched reflexively, waiting for the pain to hit him as red flashed behind his eyes. But nothing happened. Opening his eyes slightly, his breath whooshed out in a great shuddering rush. 

The man was lying face down on the ground, and not 20 feet behind him, Aberforth Dumbledore stood in the entrance of his pub, his wand held aloft. Piercing blue eyes raked over Harry before glancing up and down the street. 

“Did he hit you?” The gruff question came as Aberforth lowered his wand. Harry shook his head, “No. He didn’t.”

Aberforth nodded and looked Harry up and down. Noting the boy’s pallor, he ground out. “Don’t listen to Rothwood, boy, he’s more pissed ‘an a guppy in a wine barrel. Best get back up to the school.” With that, Aberforth disappeared back into his pub. 

Not knowing what else to do, Harry stepped around Rothwood, who had been left on the street and continued his way up the road. 

Harry flicked his wand, causing his parcels to levitate behind him. He pushes his glasses up and pressed his palms to his eyes, causing spots to flicker on the inside of his eyelids. He was not going to lose control in the middle of Hogsmeade. He had been doing really well today, he hadn’t thought about the war, or his nightmares, or his memories. He had lost himself in reading and in shopping. 

He dropped his hands, straightened his glasses, and blinked to clear his vision. His eyes froze on the storefront of Dervish and Banges. There, sitting in the front window was a Pensieve. He couldn’t imagine why he would need it, but he was suddenly filled with the desire to _own_ it. He remembered Dumbledore telling him how uncommon they were and he wondered at one sitting so readily on display in Hogsmeade, of all places. 

Seizing on the opportunity to delay thinking about what had just happened, he strode into the shop and laid down a sizable chunk of gold. His newest parcel joined the rest, floating behind him in the air as he strode quickly to the school gates. 

Harry made it all the way to the eighth-year common room before it really sank in. He sank onto the first couch he came to as shudders wracked his body. Thankfully, the common room was empty as everybody was at dinner. Harry couldn’t have eaten even if he’d wanted to. Panic was clawing its way through his chest and up his throat. 

Pushing his head between his knees, he fisted his hands in his hair, willing himself to get a grip. Magic flared wildly around him, causing the windows to shake in their frames and the fire to sputter and flare in the grate. He sucked in a gulp of air, trying to get his lungs to work normally. 

He knew that people blamed him for different things that had happened in the war. Hell, he received letters on a pretty regular basis from people who were grateful and people who were angry. There were a lot of people who think he didn’t do things right. People who blamed him for the deaths of their loved ones. When he had received his first piece of hate mail, Hermione had told him that it was a stage in their grieving process, that they needed somebody to blame for their pain. 

But Harry had not had somebody tell him that they’d wished he was dead to his face before. Not since the incident with George, at least. He slowly exhaled and dragged in another deep breath, trying to get his pulse to slow. After a few minutes of deep breathing, his body and his magic both relaxed. 

Harry sagged back on the couch and rubbed at his eyes. Merlin, he was tired. Maybe he could wait right here for Ron and Hermione to come back from dinner. At least none of the 8th years hero-worshiped him. They knew well enough to leave him alone. He could sit here and not be bothered… 

Harry jerked awake as the sound of voices reached his ears. Shaking his head slightly as if to clear it and sitting up quickly, and sees Dean and Seamus entering the common room. Dinner must be over. 

They grin and join him by the fire. They chat amicably about the first week of classes. They both complain about the workload while Harry smiles at them indulgently before changing the subject to the new Defense teacher, Professor Trumble. 

“Seriously, every time I look up from my books or parchment, I swear she’s staring at me. It drives me nuts.” Harry scratches his nose, his face showing his irritation. 

“Well, can ya really blame her, Harry?” Seamus tried to stifle his laughter as he slung his arm around Dean’s shoulders. “I mean, yer ruddy gorgeous.” 

Dean glared and elbowed Seamus, striving and failing to look angry. “You’re not supposed to notice things like Harry’s broad shoulders, square jaw and penetrating, bedroom eyes.” Giving Seamus a once over he scoffed mockingly. 

Harry stared at the pair in flabbergasted disbelief, his mouth gaping.

Dean laughed and flung himself against Harry’s side. “Harry, run away with me! I could use a boyfriend who doesn’t constantly look at other men.” He cast a disparaging look over at Seamus who was watching them with a contemplative look in his eye. 

Wrapping his arms around Harry’s shoulders, Dean nuzzled his face into soft, black hair. He stroked teasing fingers against Harry’s chest as he grinned at Seamus, looking very much like the kneazle who got the cream. 

Blushing furiously, Harry’s mouth opened and closed several times as words utterly failed him. 

Ron and Hermione walked in, hands linked just as Harry began to sputter. 

“What in the bloody hell…” Ron trailed off in confusion as Dean and Seamus burst into gales of laughter. Dean gave Harry a quick peck on the lips before placing himself comfortably in Seamus’ lap. 

Ron and Hermione wandered over and joined them. “How was your shopping trip, Harry?” Hermione eyed the stack of parcels that sat next to the couch. “What did you get?”

Harry shook himself before he looked over towards Ron and Hermione. Hermione looked quite composed, but Ron still looked rather bemusedly over at Dean and Seamus. Leaning down, Harry picks up the first parcel and unwraps it, showing them the bottles of ink he bought. Setting the ink at his feet, he unwrapped his second parcel. 

“Are we just gonna ignore the fact that Dean just kissed Harry?” Ron was promptly ignored.

Dean gasps softly. “How much money did you spend today, Harry?” He looked covetously at the box Harry opened, revealing a collection of various art supplies. He had reams of paper, colored pencils, charcoal, paints, bushes, quite everything an artist could conceive of wanting.

Dean, ever the artist, looks at Seamus seriously. “It’s settled, Seamus. I’m leaving you for Harry. And his art supplies.” He grins over at Harry. “Buy me all the art supplies I want and I’ll be sure to make it up to you, Harry. I’ll make you feel _real_ good.” His waggling eyebrows caused giggles from several people who had begun to watch and listen to their conversation. 

Seamus’s arms wrapped around his boyfriend, holding him back as Dean pretended to scramble towards Harry. Harry, for his part, rolled his eyes and set his art kit on the floor next to his ink. Picking up his third parcel amidst the laughter of his friends, he slowly reveals the Pensieve.

His fingers trace the rim as Hermione gasps. “Where did you find that? They are so rare…”. Harry explains quickly how he found it in Hogsmeade. And Hermione looks at him curiously. “Why’d you buy it, Harry?” Harry shrugs uncomfortably and traces the ruins on the rim with his finger. 

“Why’d he get it? What the ruddy hell _is_ it?” Seamus was looking curiously at the basin in Harry’s lap. 

“It’s a Pensieve. You use it to examine memories.” Hermione jumps in with a quick answer. 

“Examine memories?” Dean looks perplexed. “Like, we can watch our memories like a film?” He looks at Seamus, a sly grin lighting his lips. “That sounds promising…” Seamus slapped his arm lightly and continued to look at the odd basin. 

Hermione nods. “Sort of. You can watch other’s memories, too. You, kind of are _there_ with the person whose memory you are examining. You can walk with them and look around and listen, but you are indistinct. Nobody can see your or hear you.” She glances over at Harry. “Right? I’ve never actually used one before, but Harry has.”

Harry nods, “Yeah, that’s what it’s like.” He scratched the back of his neck and stared down at the Pensieve, lost in his own memories of using one with Dumbledore. 

“Will you show us how it works, Harry?” Dean was watching him curiously.

Harry nodded and pulled out a small potion vial. He emptied it into the basin before lifting his wand up to his temple. He stilled before lowering his wand again. “I don’t know what memory to pull.”

Seamus and Dean immediately began a debate over what they wanted to see. “His disaster date with Cho Chang!” Harry groaned and decided, too late, that he shouldn’t have asked their opinion. 

“The second task of the Triwizard! We couldn’t really see anything.”

“Dumbledore giving us the house cup first year!”

“Your favorite quidditch game!”

Before he knew it, half the members of their year had joined in, suggesting things they remembered fondly from previous years. 

“Show us what the Chamber of Secrets looks like.” The slow, drawling voice silenced the common room. Every person turned and looked at Draco Malfoy, who was leaning against the wall. It was the first time anybody had heard him speak since they’d shown up at school.

“Yea, Harry.” Dean piped up. “Will you show us the Chamber of Secrets?” All eyes flicked to Harry, who looked rather flushed to have gained the attention of the whole room. He rubbed at his neck again. 

“You… You’re sure that’s what you want to see?” It didn’t cross his mind to say no. He had spent so much of his time the past few months trying to conform to what people expected of him, trying to keep them from worrying about him that he didn’t consider his own unease at even the faintest recollection of the memory. 

The others nodded and he lifted his wand to his temple. Shutting his eyes, he slowly pulled the tip away. A silvery strand of memory clung to it and he deposited it into the Pensieve. The surface swirled slowly, picking up speed before Gilderoy Lockhart’s face rose to the surface. 

Harry looked up from Lockhart’s smiling face and nodded to the room. “Alright. I guess anybody who wants to see is welcome to…” trailing off, he set the basin on a nearby table before bending over it and falling in.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A snippet from Draco's POV

Draco couldn’t believe it. He hadn’t expected Potter to _agree _and actually show them his memories of the Chamber of Secrets. The rumors had all been horrible. He couldn’t fathom why Potter would be willing to show them, but he wouldn’t pass up his chance to see Slytherin’s Chamber. He walked over and joined Dean, Seamus, Granger, and the Weasel as Potter slipped into his memory.__

__He glanced around to see who else would be coming to watch and paused at the odd sight of Longbottom, of all people, glaring at people who tried to approach. Draco felt no qualms about meeting Longbottom’s glare and regally inclined his head before sinking into Potter’s memories himself._ _

__Draco stumbled slightly as he appeared in complete darkness. Fingers grasped his arm, keeping him from falling before releasing him and melting into the rest of the blackness surrounding them. After a few moments, a 12-year old Potter whizzed into their midst, his wand lit, illuminating the gloomy dungeon they were in._ _

__Draco briefly watched the young Potter call up the chute he had emerged from. It wasn’t long before a 12-year old Weasel joined him with Professor Lockhart in tow._ _

__“Merlin, Lockhart was such a moron.” The Weasel’s voice was quiet, yet drew chuckles from the other Gryffindors._ _

__They watched as the trio discovered the snake skin and Lockhart squabbled with Ron for the wand. Potter gently directed them to follow closely behind his younger self._ _

__The small explosion and tunnel collapse drew small cries from Finnegan and Thomas. Draco would have rolled his eyes he wasn’t himself rather horrified at the turn of events. Lockhart had really intended to _completely _wipe the memories of Harry Potter? He knew the arsehat was arrogant, but he shuddered to think of what would have happened with the war if he had succeeded in wiping Potter’s memories when Potter was only 12.___ _

____They watched quietly as Potter and the Weasel yelled at each other through the rockfall. Potter promised to go on and search for the Weaselette as the Weasel promised to move rocks._ _ _ _

____Hermione clucked her tongue softly, “Ever the hero, Harry.” She smiled at Potter and squeezed his hand before they made to follow little Potter further into the darkness._ _ _ _

____They listened to him speaking parseltongue to open a door engraved with snakes and gemstones. They followed silently as little Potter ran to the side of Ginny Weasley, who looked dead on the floor. Draco noticed little Potter drop his wand and looked around the chamber, ignoring the quiet entreaties for the Weaselette to not be dead and to wake up._ _ _ _

____Overall, Draco was not impressed with Slytherin’s decorating prowess. There was also the huge statue of himself that was at the far end of the chamber. How completely self-absorbed do you have to be to make a 20-meter-tall statue of yourself. Draco would admit to being rather self-absorbed in his youth, though he never thought he had gotten _that _bad.___ _ _ _

______He turned from his examination of the statue at Granger’s gasp. He turned and found little Potter talking to an attractive teenage boy._ _ _ _ _ _

______They listened with rapt attention as the teenager began talking to little Potter, asking about Potter’s ability to overcome the Dark Lord as a baby. Draco glanced around at the observing Gryffindors. Thomas and Finnegan looked rivetted, shocked, and deeply curious as the teenager spoke. The Weasel looked faintly ill and Granger an odd blend of fascinated, horrified and calculating._ _ _ _ _ _

______But it was Potter that drew Draco’s eye. He was pale and staring at the teenage boy. Yet, the most disturbing thing about Potter’s appearance were his eyes. His green eyes, normally so bright and intense were dark, dull and seemed lifeless. As though Potter’s soul had vacated his body. Draco’s eyes flicked back to the teenager who had pulled out Potter’s wand and was tracing it through the air._ _ _ _ _ _

______‘I AM LORD VOLDEMORT’_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh fuck…” The words are barely audible as they fall from Draco’s lips. But… Seriously. Was there a year where Potter _didn’t _face the Dark Lord?___ _ _ _ _ _

________“The fuck, Harry?” Seamus is practically shouting. A small light returns to Potter’s eyes as he glances up at the couple who are clinging to each other, their faces shocked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A small smirk lights Potter’s lips. “Just wait.” As Potter’s eyes return to the teenage Voldemort, the light slowly fades from them once more._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco continues to stare at Potter, barely sparing a glance at the sudden appearance of a phoenix who is carrying the sorting hat for some strange reason._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Laughter rings out, making him jump and flinch at the familiarity of the sound. Draco shivers, his face paling. That sound was one that he had never thought to hear again. Because of Potter. And now, because of Potter, he was forced to listen to that cold, high laugh…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The laughter stopped and Draco opened his eyes, wondering when he’d closed them in the first place. He glanced around and found Potter watching him. As their eyes met, Potter gave him a small nod before turning to examine the statue of Slytherin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The teenage Voldemort walked swiftly towards the statue, “Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts four.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Thomas screams like a girl. Granger hides her face in the Weasel’s shoulder and the Weasel stares at her hair, face pale. Finnegan pulls Thomas into his arms and tries to shush him, though his eyes continue to flick towards the conflict between little Potter and the basilisk._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco and Harry are the only ones who watch and both of them are silent. Draco’s face continues to pale and he can’t tear his eyes away long enough to see what Potter’s expression is. They silently watch as Fawkes blinds the snake and as little Potter crams the Sorting Hat atop his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco wonders if the Dark Lord laughs then because little Potter looks like a child trying to hide away from his fears in the typical, ‘if I can’t see it, it’s not there’, pose. But Draco is not laughing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A soft gasp escapes his throat as little Potter pulls a huge fucking _sword _out of the Sorting Hat. He grinds his teeth as he watches little Harry driving the weapon through the snake’s mouth, impaling his arm on a fang for his effort.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He watches, horror rising in his stomach and chest as little Potter writhes on the floor, pained as the venom works its way through his body. He stares, unblinking, as the little body slows, his movement becoming sluggish as death stalked closer._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The soft rush of wings drowns out little Potter’s soft whimpers as the Phoenix lays its head on the wound. Clarity comes back to Potter slowly and he manages to sit up before Riddle sends the bird away with a flick of his wand. Draco watches as a twelve-year-old boy stared death in the face for the second time in under five minutes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________An unearthly scream rings around them as little Potter stabs a long fang into a diary that’s sitting near his feet. All of a sudden, Voldemort vanishes and Potter’s wand, that he had been using, clatters to the dungeon floor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________A white haze passes before their eyes and all five of them are grouped around Potter and his Pensieve on the couch. Four faces, white with shock and horror, and in Granger’s case, tearstained, stare down at Potter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Potter, for his part, slowly stands, and, still holding his Pensieve, twitches his wand so that the rest of his things float behind him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Well. Now you’ve seen the Chamber of Secrets.” With that pronouncement and the eyes of every member of the room on him, he turns and vanishes up the stairs towards the dorms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I didn’t know…” the Weasel’s voice is shaking slightly, so he clears his throat, “I mean, I heard him tell Dumbledore and McGonagall, but… He left out _a lot _.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________His girlfriend looks up into his face and her fingers trace comfortingly against his cheek. “None of us _could _have known, Ron. It’s not like he talks about it… He never has.” Granger’s voice quavered. “Not that I blame him for avoiding it. Harry has always downplayed what _actually happens _. It makes me wonder what else he hasn’t told us. I mean… How many times are we aware of that he has almost died. Right there were two times that I didn’t know about.”_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Thomas and Finnegan stare at Granger in increasing alarm as she begins to tick them off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“When he was attacked as a baby. First year with Quirrell and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Second Year, twice, like we just saw. Third year, the dementors were about 10 seconds away from kissing him, which I say counts. Fourth Year, any number of times during the Triwizard Tournament. Then,” her voice falters slightly, “when Voldemort, came back. Fifth year, things got rather dodgy while we were in the Ministry. I don’t think anything happened sixth year… not to Harry, at least. Then there was that time in Godric’s Hollow.” She shudders delicately, “Merlin that was terrifying. Then when he almost drowned in that pond because of the locket… When we were in Malfoy Manor things got rather dodgy, too. I would count that time when we were stuck between an angry army of goblins and a security dragon, I mean, I thought we were done for. Then there was the fiendfire, and then when he went into the forest during the battle, then when he actually dueled with Voldemort.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Thomas looked horrified. “Hermione that’s like… 14 different times that Harry almost died. That you _know of _and you think there might be more that he hasn’t _told you about _?” his voice broke and he cleared his throat embarrassedly._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Merlin’s saggy left testicle….” Nobody commented on Finnegan’s quiet exclamation. They were all in shock._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco lifted his fingers to his forehead and rubbed at the golden mark he knew nobody could see. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Draco’s mind was frozen in shock. How in the hell was Potter lucky enough to still be walking around? How was he able to be so altruistic? Why wasn’t he bitter and full of hate?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco certainly had never done anything to make Potter’s life easier. He felt a twinge in his chest and it took him a moment to recognize that he was feeling remorse. He wondered if Potter even had it in him to forgive anybody else. What would happen when soul marks started appearing on Potter’s skin? What would happen when a golden Dark Mark appeared on his forearm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco had never felt so ashamed. Potter wouldn’t forgive him. He had willfully chosen to follow the man who had, not only, killed Potter’s parents, but the man who had tried to kill Potter on numerous occasions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco got up and left the common room, trying not to hate himself as he got ready for bed. Potter deserved somebody better than him. If he had to, Draco would make sure that Potter found somebody to be exactly what Potter needed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco’s last thought as he lay in bed was that he would do whatever he could, to help Potter find somebody he could truly love, somebody who wasn’t tainted as Draco was. Because Draco could not deny that he was not worthy of his soulmate._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	5. Chapter 5

"Malfoy is staring at you," Ron's voice sounded suspicious. Harry looked up from where he was absentmindedly mashing eggs on his plate. Malfoy looked away before Harry could meet his eye. 

"Do you think he's planning something? That's the only reason he's ever stared at you before."

Harry glanced at Ron, assuming a haughty expression, "I'm sure he is simply lamenting the fact that he is not the Heir of Slytherin. Maybe he wants to move into the Chamber of Secrets. Clearly he is jealous." 

Neither of his friends caught the bitter edge to his voice as they stared over at Malfoy who was now studiously examining the ceiling. 

Hermione glanced down at the mess on Harry's plate that had once been food. "Are you feeling all right this morning, Harry? You haven't actually eaten anything." 

Harry looked down at his food and mentally grimaced, lamenting the fact that he hadn't thought to vanish any food off his plate. "Er... No, I'm not... that is, my stomach is rather upset this morning"

Hermione gave him a sympathetic look. "Do you want us to take you to the hospital wing? I'm sure Madam Pomfrey has something to help with that."

"Eh, no, that's ok. I'm sure I'll be feeling better by lunch," the lie fell a little too easily from his lips, but neither of his friends seemed to notice. 

He took a small sip of orange juice from his goblet and looked over at the Slytherin table. Malfoy was watching him again. Harry stared at him pointedly before the rush of the mail being delivered successfully distracted him. 

An owl dropped the Sunday Prophet in front of Hermione and the heading glared up at them,  
HARRY POTTER BACK IN BRITAIN AND BACK AT HOGWARTS  
"Well," sighed Hermione, "I'm honestly surprised that it took them a whole week to figure it out." 

Harry stared at the front page as Hermione disappeared behind it. It wasn't a very attractive photo of him, not that he thought any photos him looked particularly good. 

Several owls found their way to Harry and a pile of mail began to grow next to his plate. Harry stared at it. He hated getting mail. It always made him feel… off. People either wanting things from him, thanking him for things he hadn't done, and, even occasionally for things he _had _done, and a fair amount of hate mail.__

__He scratched his nose as he stared at the pile, wondering how he should deal with his mail problem now that people knew where to find him. That was something he was going to miss about Romania; nobody knew he was there, so he never got mail._ _

__He was reaching out to scoop the pile into his arms so he could stash it in his bag, when a scarlet envelope fell onto the pile, making him freeze. He stared at it in silence for several long moments._ _

__When it started to smoke at the corners, Ron glanced over, his eyes going wide._ _

__"Oi, who would be sending _you _a howler?”___ _

____Harry didn't bother answering as Hermione put her paper down quickly to stare at it, too. It began smoking in earnest before Harry finally grabbed it and slit it open with oddly steady hands. He wondered if he’d even be able to hear it over the pounding of his heart._ _ _ _

____A moment later, the whole school froze in their seats as a terrifyingly horrible voice echoed across the hall. People spun in their seats to stare, looking for the poor sod unlucky enough to receive the first howler of the year._ _ _ _

____"HARRY POTTER YOU PIECE OF FILTH, YOU ARE WORSE THAN YOU-KNOW-WHO HIMSELF. HE KILLED PEOPLE STRAIGHT ON. YOU SNEAK AROUND, HIDE AWAY AND TRICK EVERYBODY INTO THINKING YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST, THAT YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING AND YOU ARE NOT AND NEVER HAVE._ _ _ _

____YOU DID NOT AND DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR WIZARD-KIND. WE WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF YOU WERE DEAD. YOU SHOULD BE DEAD._ _ _ _

____I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT HOGWARTS. YOU KNOW WHO DIDN’T COME BACK FROM HOGWARTS LAST MAY? MY DAUGHTER, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. SHE DIED BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO MUCH OF A COWARD TO STEP FORWARD BEFORE DOZENS OF PEOPLE DIED IN YOUR DEFENSE._ _ _ _

____YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME YOU USELESS SACK OF DRAGON DUNG. YOU SHOULD ROT AWAY IN AZKABAN WITH ALL OF THE DEATH EATERS.”_ _ _ _

____BECAUSE YOU WERE WORSE THAN THEM ALL._ _ _ _

____YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF AND DO THE WORLD A FAVOR. WE'D ALL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU. IT'S NOT AS THOUGH YOU EVEN HAVE A FAMILY TO MISS YOU, YOU PIECE OF ORPHAN RUBBISH. IF YOU ACTUALLY HAD PARENTS THEY WOULDN’T BE PROUD OF YOU._ _ _ _

____DO YOU THINK YOU’RE BRAVE LITTLE BOY? YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A COWARDLY WASTE OF SPACE AND A LIABILITY TO EVERYBODY AROUND YOU._ _ _ _

____GO OFF YOURSELF AND GOOD RIDDANCE."_ _ _ _

____The man's voice echoed and died. All eyes were on Harry as he stood, hefted his bag onto his shoulder and walked silently out of the room._ _ _ _

____As soon as the hem of his robe cleared the door, an explosion of voices cascaded through the great hall._ _ _ _

____Harry waited until he was clear of the hall before breaking into a run. He didn't know what to do and he couldn't escape the voice that bounced around in his head. He headed for the doors and pushed his way out into the grounds. He dropped his bag onto the grass, needing speed and not caring about anything else._ _ _ _

____He ran flat out towards the trees, his heart hammering and his breath coming in ragged gasps as he tried to drown out the voice in his head._ _ _ _

____He slowed as he reached the edge of the trees over his shoulder, he could see two figures making as if to follow him. Ron and Hermione, of course. He couldn't recall a time in his life where he wanted to see them less._ _ _ _

____Feeling hot and sweaty, he stripped off his robes and the thin t-shirt he was wearing underneath. Hanging them both on the branches of a small tree, he started walking further into the trees, his heart hammering even while a soft breeze dried the sweat on his skin. He slipped quickly into the trees, jogging to increase his distance from his friends._ _ _ _

____Not really having a destination in mind, he slipped through the trees like a waif. After twenty minutes, he slowed and stopped, listening intently for a moment to discern if anything was near him._ _ _ _

____Hearing nothing but the soft brush of wind through the trees, he gazed up, looking for sturdy branches. Finding a long limb that looked promising, he clambered up the trunk, pulling himself onto the large branch. He swung one leg off the side and leaned his back against the trunk._ _ _ _

____Harry closed his eyes and let out a ragged sigh. The words of the howler still rung in his ears. He wished he really could outrun his problems. His muscles ached and his stomach felt hollow. He idly wondered when he had last had a good meal. Several days, at the very least._ _ _ _

____Sometimes he felt as though eating was a luxury that he didn't deserve. It was so hard to make himself eat when he felt like he didn't deserve to. Maybe Hermione would badger him about it later, since she had noticed that he hadn't eaten any breakfast._ _ _ _

____Damn that howler. Damn his nightmares. Damn the universe in general. He hadn't asked for any of this. He didn't want it. He never had. He squinched his eyes shut as they began to burn._ _ _ _

____He would not. He would not give in to this abhorrent bout of self-pity and cry. Not over some arsehole he'd never even met. And not... he shuddered in a breath, not because of the words of his nightmare. Those were not thoughts for daylight hours._ _ _ _

____He had done the right thing. He had done the only thing he could. He repeated these words to himself until he couldn't stand himself. He could feel the lie with every syllable, with ever letter. I did all that I could. His soul shuddered and he felt as though he would be ill._ _ _ _

____He could lie to everybody else, he could put on a front and smile so that they wouldn't worry, but he knew that he had not done all that he could._ _ _ _

____Despite himself, a tear slipped free, wetting his cheek before it fell onto rough bark. It sat there, glimmering like a diamond in the dappled light._ _ _ _

____Harry jolted awake as a nearby snap caught his attention. His heart thudded in his chest as he looked around, marveling at his twilight surroundings. He sat up and rolled his shoulders, the stiffness in his muscles telling just how long he had been out there. Mostly, he couldn’t believe that he’d actually _slept.__ _ _ _

______He had fallen asleep in a tree and by all accounts he should have fallen out of it. He didn’t know that he was capable of sleeping without thrashing about. He shook his head. Forget thrashing, he didn’t know that he could sleep for several consecutive hours anymore. He had started to consider sleep to be a casualty of the war that he would never have again._ _ _ _ _ _

______He carefully climbed down from the tree and rubbed his hands on his jeans, wiping off the sweat that had accumulated. He began a slow walk back towards the castle, as he tried to work the kinks out of his back and neck._ _ _ _ _ _

______As he reached the edge of the trees, he couldn’t help but feel glad that he hadn’t run into any of the centaurs. He didn’t know how they felt about him anymore, but he couldn’t say that he was particularly fond of them after his last encounter with them._ _ _ _ _ _

______He paused by the tree he had remembered leaving his robe and shirt on. It was empty. He closed his eyes in annoyance and began his trek across the grounds half-naked and hoping that he didn’t run into anybody. Of course, his luck did not hold out._ _ _ _ _ _

______No sooner had he made it up the sloping lawns and past Hagrid’s hut, did he come across the first group of students. They were packing up their bags, meaning to head in as the sun set and a cold wind picked up._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry clenched his jaw, refusing to look over at them as they all froze and stared at him. There were several other small groups of students who also fell silent as Harry passed. He felt their eyes as a weight on his shoulders but kept moving. He watched as a girl ahead of him ran into the castle._ _ _ _ _ _

______By the time he entered the front doors, it was apparent that the girl, a Hufflepuff it seemed, had summoned everybody from her common room. Harry’s foot hesitated over the threshold as he spotted the mass of students. Part of him, the sensible part, was telling him to run back onto the grounds to seek a hiding place until the rest of the school had gone to bed. The small part of his mind that spoke with Hermione’s voice told him that running again now would make it worse tomorrow._ _ _ _ _ _

______So, he stepped into the entrance hall and began his walk back to the 8th year common room. He tried to ignore the whispers that his presence was creating. Staring steadily ahead, he clenched his jaw, knowing that the Hufflepuffs will have roused the rest of the houses. At least he wouldn’t have to walk through the Slytherins. He hoped that they stayed in their dungeons._ _ _ _ _ _

______Some of the whispering made its way to his ears._ _ _ _ _ _

______“He’s so good looking.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I wonder why he’s not wearing a shirt. Not that I’m complaining, mind.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Maybe that bloke who sent the howler was on to something…”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Does somebody have a camera?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Look at those scars? I wonder where he got them?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Can you believe that howler this morning?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I wonder if he feels guilty for what he didn’t do last year…”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry clenched his fists and pushed his way up the staircase, knowing that the sooner he got to the common room, the sooner he could escape the whispers of his fellow students._ _ _ _ _ _

______It took him the better part of ten minutes to reach the portrait that led to the common room. He gave the password and ignored the smirk and once over that the wizard in the portrait gave him._ _ _ _ _ _

______He received a few curious stares as he walked into the common room. Dean, who had been working on some transfiguration homework at one of the tables, whistled a cat call. Seamus guffawed at the look that Harry shot their way. Harry stalked over and dropped into a nearby armchair. He swung a leg over the armrest and dropped his chin into his palm as he stared at his grinning friends._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You two are so stupid,” Harry rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “You’d think that neither of you have seen me naked before now.” Seamus glanced around the room, “Well, we have but a bunch of our classmates you just walked by haven’t,” his smirk grew as Harry peered around the back of his armchair._ _ _ _ _ _

______The Parvati, Padma, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Malfoy, and Hannah Abbott were all staring in his direction. He flushed and ducked out of sight. He turned back to Dean and Seamus who were grinning at him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dinner starts in about 20 minutes if you want to come down with us,” Dean flashed him a winning smile before waggling his eyebrows, “I won’t even make you put on a shirt first. In fact, I’d prefer if you didn’t.” Seamus’s eyes glinted with mischief as he stared over Harry’s head._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t think Malfoy wants you to put a shirt on either. He keeps glancing over. Maybe he’s waiting for you to make your exit.” Dean and Seamus both stared at Malfoy across the room for a few moments before looking back at Harry, who had sunk down in his chair, trying to seem as unobtrusive as possible._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Not that you can really blame him… You do have a lovely arse. Must be from all the quidditch.” Dean winked at him and Harry, blushing so hard that it started to creep down his neck, rolled his eyes again. He couldn’t help relaxing around Dean and Seamus. All of their ridiculous flirting put him at ease, mostly because he knew that they loved each other too much to be entirely serious. It was completely for fun and they never expected him to do anything other than blush, stammer, and roll his eyes at their antics._ _ _ _ _ _

______“So, Harry, why aren’t you wearing robes, or at least a shirt, anyhow?” Seamus and Dean eyed him curiously._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry shrugged and looked down, bouncing his leg against the chair. “Took them off before I went into the forest. When I came out they were gone.” Seamus gaped at him. Harry’s tone of nonchalance at the idea of going half-naked into the forbidden forest by choice was clearly not what he had expected._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Merlin, Harry, why the hell would you take your clothes off to go into the forest? Why the hell would you want to go into the forest in the first place?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Again, Harry shrugged. He didn’t feel like elaborating about his pressing need to be alone after the howler had arrived. He was supposed to be happy and unconcerned about the people who hated him. People would worry if they knew how much Harry agreed with the sentiments expressed by people who wanted him dead._ _ _ _ _ _

______And Harry was done worrying people. He would keep doing what he needed to, to ensure that people stopped worrying about him. He hated when people looked at him as though they were waiting for him to explode, or as though they couldn’t believe that they were in the presence of the _savior. _Merlin, he hated that more than anything. He wanted them to think of him as a normal person and he was going to do his damnedest to seem normal.___ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ll go get a shirt and then we can go down to dinner.” He stood up and stretched lightly before heading up the stairs to his room. He refused to glance behind him to see if anybody actually was checking out his arse_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	6. Chapter 6

Draco could not sleep. Merlin, but his brain would not shut off. So much had happened today. Not to him, but apparently to Harry. Draco ground his teeth. Not Harry, he couldn't allow himself to call him that. _Potter. _So much had happened to Potter.__

__Draco couldn't believe what had happened over breakfast. He knew he had been caught staring, but really what was he supposed to do with Potter just… sitting there looking so… _delectable. _But he was quite sure that the fact that he was staring was promptly forgotten by the golden trio after the arrival of the howler.___ _

____How anybody could possibly blame Potter for the Dark Lord's murder spree was beyond his comprehension. As if anybody in the general populace had any idea what the Dark Lord was actually like. From the response of everybody else in the hall, most people agreed with him. But there were a few... The quiet whispers he heard in the halls later betrayed the feelings of more than one student who agreed with the sentiment expressed within the howler._ _ _ _

____As the only Death Eater, ex-Death Eater his mind insisted, in the school, they didn't care if he overheard them. Draco scoffed at the arrogant assumption that he would agree with Potter's failings as a principle. He had made careful note of who those whispers had come from. The likelihood of problems in the future encouraged all the information gathering as possible._ _ _ _

____But the look on Har-Potter's face... Because Draco had been watching when the letter arrived, he caught the flash of utter dismay cross the boy's features before it was shuttered, leaving his face blank, and completely void of emotion._ _ _ _

____And the contents of the howler. The venomous words that spewed forth were awarded with complete silence, a difficult feat to achieve in a room containing hundreds of teenagers. The sentiments expressed were shocking and left a hollow ache in the pit of Draco’s stomach._ _ _ _

____More than anything though, Draco was worried about Potter's lack of response. He hadn't ever seen him just _take _abuse like that. And if anybody should be a reigning authority on what Potter looked like when he was being provoked, it was him. He should have flushed red, his eyes should have flashed with anger, his fists should have clenched in anger, this was all before he should have started yelling. But he did nothing. It was... disturbing. His slow walk out of the hall, shoulders curled in, was distressing to Draco on many levels.___ _ _ _

______A year or two ago, Draco would have been delighted to see a defeated look on Harry Potter’s face. Thankfully, he'd grown up since then and had learned that, not only was Potter incredibly selfless, but he was the one and only person who was designed to be a perfect match for Draco himself._ _ _ _ _ _

______He watched as Ron and Hermione gaped at each other for a solid minute before putting their heads together and whispering intently. They stood suddenly and made to follow Potter out of the hall._ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco waited a moment and followed behind them as unobtrusively as possible. The thud of a door was the only indication of where they went. Hurrying forwards, he pushed the front doors open a sliver and peered outside._ _ _ _ _ _

______He could see Harry in the distance, running full tilt towards the forest. Granger and Weasley had moved down onto the grass and were standing next to an abandoned bag, presumably, it belonged to Harry. While they watched Harry run, Draco snuck closer, crouching behind some nearby bushes, curious to know their take on the morning’s events._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I don't know, Ron. I'm worried. I didn't know he was still getting hate mail. He hasn't said anything about it. But then again, how would we have known? I feel like he doesn’t talk to us anymore. Not about anything important. It’s all classes and homework and other people. Plus, we didn't hear from him all summer... "_ _ _ _ _ _

______Weasley slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Draco rolled his eyes in disgust as the Weasel kissed Granger's forehead._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Charlie’s letters all said that he seemed to be doing better. Apparently, he never got mail while he was in Romania, and nobody gets British news there, except what they hear from family. You know he swore everybody there to secrecy about Harry's identity."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I remember he said Harry wasn’t really eating and he had to bully him into it when he first got there and that he had loads of nightmares. But by the end of the summer he said the nightmares had stopped and that Harry was better about eating without being told to do so. Harry certainly looks better than he did before he left for Romania. He put on some more weight and built up some muscle… He seems like he’s more settled. But he won’t talk about what happened and he hides in his room a lot."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hermione interjected, “Harry has always talked to us about what’s going on. I mean… except for a short while after what happened at the Ministry. But he has always been the type to talk it out. So, I really don’t know if he really has nothing to say or whether he just is refusing to talk about it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Charlie said that Harry refused to talk about anything that wasn’t related to their work. So, we know he didn’t talk to Charlie about it. He apparently tried to get him to talk about what happened with George but he said Harry just looked at him, walked away, and didn't come back for two days. _Two days, _Hermione. Charlie said he didn't try to bring it up again."___ _ _ _ _ _

________"Well... I don’t know. There are a lot of things that Harry doesn’t talk about. Like the Dursley’s. And Sirius’ death. I think he only talks to other people if he's determined that he can't figure it out alone, or he already has figured it out," Weasley said, his voice was soothing and he was clearly trying to calm his girlfriend._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Granger's voice was rather muffled from where she had wedged her head against Weasley's shoulder. Draco examined his fingernails as he listened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Ron, I'm not sure he's sleeping. I mean, even I had homework to do this weekend. Nothing against Harry's work ethic, but neither of you ever finish your homework before me. We are with him most of the time. Even Friday night, Harry said he was going to bed before he had finished his essay for transfiguration and then the next morning he suddenly had everything completed. None of us had started our charms homework. Or our potions essay. And he had it done." Draco glanced up as she stopped talking and saw her bite her lip._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Do you think he's having nightmares again? Do you think he'd tell the truth if we asked? Maybe we should look in his room, what if he asked for a single so nobody would know that he wasn't sleeping? Or so that nobody would know that he's still having nightmares? I wonder how he stopped then when he was with Charlie."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I don't know, Hermione." The Weasel sounded rather sad. Hmm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________They both looked out towards the forest just in time to see Harry vanish into the trees. Hermione sighed and kissed Ron softly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco pretended to vomit at the sight and crept out from behind the bush. He slipped into the front doors while Granger and the Weasel were otherwise occupied._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco didn't hear or see anything of Potter until he waltzed half-naked into the common room. His desire to work on his potions homework vanished instantly as his eyes landed on Potter's exposed skin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Weasley's earlier assessment of Potter's improved physique was spot on. The last time he had been close enough to examine Potter's frame, the boy had seemed positively gaunt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Now, Potter displayed firm muscle under bronze skin. Draco's mouth gaped slightly at the myriad of scars cross crossing the otherwise flawless skin. There was a scar across the center of Potter’s chest that looked like a much larger, more jagged, and more painful version of the scar on his forehead. Then there was the raised scar that looked as though somebody had run a saber across Potter's ribs. It ran from his navel, around his left hip, and vanished into his jeans just over his left buttock._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________There was also a myriad of discolored patches scattered randomly across Potter’s whole body. They looked like burns that had healed quite some time ago._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________All too soon, Potter had dropped into a chair next to Finnegan and Thomas. He quietly watched as Finnegan and Thomas began to flirt with Potter in turn. His eyebrows shot into his hairline when Potter half-yelled at them, ‘because it's not like they hadn't seen him naked before’._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Was Potter admitting that he was attracted to men? He fact that Draco was his soulmate meant that he had to... but denial can run deep. Had he slept with Finnegan or Thomas? A hot flare of jealously coiled in his belly at the thought. The idea of Potter with anybody else… well he would have to get used to the idea at some point, if his plan was going to work at all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Seen him naked sure, but I bet he didn't look that good when they were sharing a shower with him." Blaise was muttering to himself as he stared at Potter's arse. Draco glared in Blaise's direction before forcing his eyes down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shared bathrooms. That's surely what Potter meant... Surely that was the only reason that Thomas and Finnegan had seen him naked. Draco had certainly seen everything there was to see of his own dorm mates over the years. The thoughts and doubts plagued Draco all through dinner as he continued to watch Harry from across the hall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It looked as though Granger was ensuring that he ate a full meal. She even slid a piece of treacle tart onto his plate, once he had finished everything she'd given him. Granger and Weasley were too busy tucking into their own pudding to see the look of dismay cross Potter's face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It was right then that Draco knew something was seriously wrong. Potter _loved _treacle tart. He had never seen him express any hesitancy over eating as much of it as he could get his hands on. Every witch and wizard in the world must know by now that the Savior’s favorite dessert was treacle tart. So why didn’t he want to eat it?___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Potter ate a bite or two before pushing away from the table and walking over to the head table and McGonagall. They had a quiet discussion for several minutes before Harry ducked his head down. Draco wondered what McGonagall had said to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco watched, slowly eating his own dinner as Potter shook his head at whatever the Headmistress was saying before he turned and walked away. McGonagall called after him but he ignored her and kept going._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Something was _really _wrong here. And Draco was going to figure out what the hell it was.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco rubbed his hands over his face and looked over to see if Blaise was asleep or not. Seeing his sleeping form, Draco crept from his bed and out onto the staircase. He padded quietly down the stairs until he stood outside of Potter's door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He cocked an ear as he listened for any noise coming from his room. It was completely silent. Draco sighed and walked down to the common room. He collapsed onto a chair by the fire and wondered at all the things he had learned today._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Potter was really not doing well. Potter was too stubborn to discuss his problems with his friends, to the point that he hadn't been in contact with them all summer. That had been a shocking revelation. He had been sure that Potter would have spent his summer having fun and relaxing at the Weasley’s hovel._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Since he wasn't being hunted by the Dark Lord any longer, he had he freedom to do as he wished and go where he wished. Hell, everybody was so in love with him, he could probably get shopkeepers and restaurants to give him everything he could possibly want free of charge. He could date his way through all of wizarding Britain. But instead, he had gone to Romania, refused to eat, ignored his friends, and was plagued with nightmares._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________If Draco was in Potter’s shoes, he would have taken great advantage of the love of the public. Then again… he remembered the howler. He wondered if people ever approached Potter directly to tell him things like that. He wondered how many people felt that way and if that was why Potter had fled the country._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco certainly had done nothing to show appreciation for what Potter accomplished. He was more grateful than he could ever possibly express, but he had also never been good at expressing thanks. He couldn’t even manage that. His short meeting with Potter was taking on a new light and it was not one that Draco cared for at all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Potter had stopped by the manor one afternoon about a week after the battle. He wanted to talk to Draco and Draco could not determine why for the life of him. But he had let Potter prattle on about fresh starts and moving on. Draco had succumbed to a severe feeling of inadequacy and wroth that Potter was so obviously _pitying _him. He was a Malfoy. Malfoy’s were never on the receiving end of pity.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________To make it worse… Oh, Merlin. Potter had offered him his hand to shake. Draco had wanted to, but his sudden flare of anger refused to listen. He had turned his back and put his nose up. That one action was something that Draco regretted every single day since it had occurred. There was a soft clatter and the sound of a throat clearing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I know we aren’t friends, Malfoy. But this isn’t about that. This was about mutual respect.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________By the time Draco had turned around, Potter was gone and Draco’s wand was sitting upon an end table._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Potter was surely daft. He had returned Draco’s wand. _The wand that had struck down the Dark Lord. _And Potter had just _given _it to him, no strings attached. What the fuck was wrong with that man? It wasn’t a fortnight later that Draco’s first soul mark had shown up. He had gotten out of the shower and was slicking his hair back from his face when something gold glinted in the mirror. He had reached slowly up and touched the soft gold mark that adorned his forehead. It looked just like a bolt of lightning._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________No sooner had his fingers brushed the mark than he had passed out on his bathroom floor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Draco needed to figure out how he could get close to Potter. Clearly his friends didn’t understand him that well anymore. He needed to figure him out so that he could find somebody who would never turn down Potter’s handshakes. Potter needed somebody who could be just as righteous and good as he was. That certainly wasn’t going to be Draco._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Draco pushed away the uneasy feeling in his stomach that seemed to happen every time he thought of Potter getting together with somebody else. He had made a decision, damn it, he wasn’t worthy of Potter and he was going to find somebody who was. He felt rather proud of himself for sticking to his decision._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He was pretty sure it was the first choice he had ever made that was not going to benefit him in any way. Now he just had to figure out how the hell he was supposed to do it. He couldn’t help smirking as he recalled Potter’s disastrous relationship with Cho Chang. He needed to figure out what had happened with the She-Weasel. It didn’t seem as though they were together anymore. Draco needed to figure out why. From what he had observed so far, she had taken every opportunity to sit by him or touch him. She seemed very interested in fixing whatever had gone wrong. If it weren’t for Potter’s almost violent reactions to her touch, he would have assumed that they were still together._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He would have to do some more sleuthing. Well, at least he had ten months to get this figured out. He relaxed against the cushions and managed to fall asleep, a small smile on his lips as Potter’s image swam before his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	7. Chapter 7

Harry's second week back was starting to blur into one large mass of frustration. Not only had Professor McGonagall refused to let him take more classes, but he had also inadvertently added to his nightmare arsenal. He couldn't recall what had possessed him to actually watch his memories of the Chamber of Secrets, but it had been a terrifically awful idea. 

His nightmares had started by including young Riddle and the basilisk. He had had bad enough nightmares without adding any of that shit into it. But then they got worse. In his latest dream, he found himself facing every form of Voldemort he'd come up against. The one in Quirrell's head, young Riddle from the diary, the disgusting baby-ish form that stared with red eyes, the resurrected Voldemort as he had risen from the cauldron. 

They had gathered around him, mocked him, and cast the cruciatus curse at him in turns before calling the basilisk out to devour him. The pain he had felt left him unable to move. He had simply waited for the basilisk to kill him. He had thrashed so much in his sleep that he fell off his bed. It was only once his body hit the stone floor with a loud SMACK that he had been able to wrench himself from sleep. 

Needless-to-say, he hadn't slept much that week. 

This meant several things. One, he was completely done with his homework. Two, he had read about 5 whole books with his extra time (Hermione would be so proud). Three, he had started sketching a few ideas for tattoos. But mostly, he had achieved an all-new level of exhaustion. 

There was something about dreaming of the cruciatus curse that left him feeling physically weakened - almost as though he had really been subjected to the curse in his sleep. 

Harry was sitting in his window Friday morning with one leg dangling out into the cool air, with some of his drawing paper on his lap as he tried to draw a realistic looking basilisk. He had decided that, if he was going to tattoo himself, that he would make sure that they were at least meaningful. His scars were all tied to such monumental events in his life, he figured it would be rather fitting if his tattoos did the same. 

He figured that since Fawkes had healed his wound from the basilisk, which kept it from scarring, he could give himself a tattoo to signify his 'adventures' in the Chamber. After much contemplation and several hours of sketching different ideas, he had decided to tattoo a basilisk on his arm. There were other things that would work well symbolically, but diaries, fangs, and the Slytherin crest all seemed wrong. 

He tapped his pencil on the paper and nodded, finally satisfied with the design he'd settled on. It would be on his right forearm. The tail would start near his 'I must not tell lies' scar, would wrap around his wrist once, around his forearm twice, and its head would rest just below his elbow - where the basilisk fang had pierced his arm. 

He hoped that facing the perceived threat of the beast he'd slain would help ease his mind on the matter. Hopefully, if he wore a basilisk, he could use his fear as armor. Then nobody would have to know that he was afraid. He wasn't supposed to be afraid. Everybody wanted him to be fearless. Because if Harry Potter was afraid, then everybody would panic. Because if the boy who 'fearlessly' took down Lord Voldemort was afraid of something, then it meant that whatever he was afraid of MUST be more fearsome than the Dark Lord. 

He traced his fingers over his drawing, and allowed his mind to wander. If only they knew. He was afraid of so many things. Hell, he had been terrified of walking into the forest that night. But that wasn't the confrontation with Voldemort that everybody knew about. By the time they had their duel, he wasn't afraid anymore. He had overcome it, he knew that he would win. But before that? He had been terrified out of his bloody mind. 

He rolled his shoulders, trying unsuccessfully to ease the tension. The sun should be rising soon, maybe he should go for a run. More sleep was out of the question but maybe exercise would help him be more alert in classes today. It seemed to work for Hermione, at least. Whenever they were studying and she found herself getting drowsy or losing focus, she would stand and walk around for a few minutes before getting back to work. 

Figuring it was worth a try, he quickly stripped and stepped into a pair of baggy gym shorts. He was too warm to even consider wearing a shirt. Grabbing his invisibility cloak so he wouldn’t have to walk half-naked in front of the student body again, he quietly exited his room. 

His eyes swept the common room as he dismounted the stairs; he froze as he saw a figure slumped on the couch before the fireplace. Harry shook his head and marveled that Malfoy had ever been able to sneak around after dark without getting caught. His hair practically glowed. Smirking slightly, he swept past the blonde on the couch and headed out to the grounds for a run. Hopefully, a few hours of exercise would settle his nerves and ease the churning emotions that had taken up residence in his gut. 

If he thought it odd that Malfoy was sleeping in the common room, he never told anybody about it. Though he did find himself wondering if it was a recurring activity. As he walked out onto the cold grounds, he found himself wondering if Malfoy had nightmares, and if that was the reason he had been asleep in the common room.

He knew that it was considered 'weak' to have nightmares. Everybody was happier thinking that his nightmares were gone, a thing of the past. They were happier thinking that he didn’t have memories that haunted him at night or fears that wound their way through his subconscious like a poisonous serpent waiting for the opportune moment to strike. He figured things with Malfoy might be the same. That was, if Malfoy even had nightmares....

Harry shook off his thoughts of Malfoy. Setting his cloak and wand down in the grass, he began to jog around the lake. And if, while he ran, he thought about how much he liked Malfoy's hair - well, he assumed that everybody must, so he told himself that it didn't matter. 

In the time it took for the sun to fully rise, Harry had managed to lap the lake 11 times. Knowing that people would be waking up for breakfast soon, he slipped on his invisibility cloak and headed up to take a shower. 

He pulled his cloak off as soon as he entered the common room, sighing in pleasure as the cold air of the tower cooled some of the sweat off his body. Merlin knows that cloak does not breathe at _all _. He had been much too warm underneath it. Running a hand through his sweaty hair, he headed up to shower, ignoring the stares of the few people already in the common room.__

__He wasn't too worried about randomly appearing from ‘thin air’ in front of anybody, as news had spread of his possession of an invisibility cloak. It was sad to have lost the edge that everybody’s ignorance had granted him, but oh well. It didn’t keep people from not knowing when exactly he was using it._ _

__By the time he finished getting ready for the day, Hermione and Ron had already gone down for breakfast. He headed down to the Great Hall, knowing that if he could show up late enough to have missed he morning post, that he would then avoid any howlers that were sent to him. He didn't care that everybody else heard them, so long as he didn't have to._ _

__He had gotten about one or two a day since it had been publicly announced that's he was, indeed, back at school. He didn't really want to have insults shrieked at him every morning, so he had started coming down late to breakfast. He quickly found Ron and Hermione and plopped down into a seat next to them._ _

__They greeted him pleasantly and continued the discussion they had been having about their latest Herbology assignment. Well, Hermione kept talking about it. Judging by the amount of food Ron was shoving in his mouth, he was not that interested in the conversation. Harry shook his head amusedly as he watched Ron nod and mumble agreement at strategic points in Hermione's dialogue._ _

__Harry nibbled on a piece of bacon as he glanced up at the ceiling. Part of him wanted the nice weather to stay, but the rest of him wanted the weather to turn colder, which would help him with his overheating problem. Being out in the chill air without a shirt that morning had felt splendid._ _

__He only looked down when he heard Ron speaking to him, "Malfoy's staring at you again." He cracked his knuckles as he glared over at the Slytherin table. Harry looked as well and saw that Ron was right. He and Malfoy stared at each other for a moment before Harry turned around with a shrug._ _

__"Doesn't it bother you?" Rob's tone was incredulous. He had been expecting a more infuriated response from Harry than the indifferent shrug he had received._ _

__Harry selected another piece of bacon as he shrugged again. "Not really. I mean, people are always staring at me. I bet there are about 15 people staring at me right now. I'm rather getting used to it,” he grimaced at the fact, “I might not like it, but I'm getting used to it, I guess.”_ _

__By the time Harry finished speaking, Ron was craning his head around and counting under his breath. "18 people. At least that I saw. 18 people staring at you." He gaped at Harry while Hermione hid a smile behind her hand. "I can't believe you were that close in your guess."_ _

__Harry took a sip of orange juice. "At least people aren't trying to touch me as much. I don't feel like I've been mobbed QUITE as much this week."_ _

__Ron and Hermione both laughed and went back to their breakfast, Hermione pulling out The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 7 to read as she ate._ _

__As they were getting ready to head to their first class, Ron nudged Harry. "Hey mate," he nodded at something over Harry's shoulder. Harry turned and found himself face to face with Professor McGonagall._ _

__"Professor," Harry said quietly, his head dipping so he wouldn't have to look her in the eye. He was still feeling rather annoyed that she didn't let him sign up for another class or two._ _

__"Potter," she adjusted her spectacles as she gazed at him for several moments. "I have a proposition for you." Harry's head snapped up. Maybe she had changed her mind about the classes. All of Harry's homework assignments had been receiving O's and E's. He knew if he kept working the way he had been that he could easily end up top of the class. The extra time he spent on it making up for any lack of natural ability. But McGonagall didn't change her mind on things like that... she never had in the past anyway._ _

__She smiled slightly, as though she knew exactly what Harry had been thinking. "Well, Potter. I know I told you that you couldn't take any more classes this year," she ignored the slight gasp from Hermione. Harry hadn't told his friends what he had talked to McGonagall about the week before._ _

__"I have been talking with Madame Hooch and she is still not recovered enough from her injuries to fulfill her usual duties. Originally, I had planned for other professors to help take up the slack until she was fully healed. It seems that the other professors are quite busy with their own classes and duties and are not, ah, _interested _in stepping in to help. As you know, 8th years cannot play on the house quidditch teams. Since you don't have quidditch practices and matches taking up your evenings and weekends, I'd like you to step in and help. You’ll be responsible for helping teach the first years how to fly, you will help oversee quidditch practices, when necessary, and you would referee house matches."___ _

____Harry was sure his mouth was hanging wide open. Ron's surely was. "Are you... are you serious?" His voice rang with incredulity. "Professor," he quickly added, trying to sound more respectful._ _ _ _

____Minerva looked at him intently over her square spectacles. "Of course I'm serious, Potter. You're a natural flier and I'm sure you'll be an excellent teacher." She gave him a stern look. "You'll need to make sure you're well versed in all of the rules and you will not allow any house prejudices to get in the way of you refereeing in a fair manner." She thrust a piece of parchment into his hand._ _ _ _

____"Here is your schedule for teaching the first years as well as a list of this year’s quidditch captains. You will need to get in touch with them. You are to make yourself available to help train the teams and you will need to ensure that team tryouts are all finished by the end of next week." She smiled slightly at Harry's gob smacked expression before heading back towards the high table._ _ _ _

____Harry turned towards Ron and Hermione, his expression incredulous. Ron looked dazed but Hermione's expression was inscrutable. "Why didn't you tell us you'd asked to take more classes?" The unasked question of why, Harry - who had always seemed to hate schoolwork - wanted to take more classes, hung between them._ _ _ _

____Harry tried to figure out what Hermione's tone was implying about her current mood. He wasn't quite sure what she wanted him to say. He schooled his features into a blank mask and shrugged, going for indifference. "I forgot."_ _ _ _

____Ron's brain seemed to catch up to the goings on. "Why would you want to take more classes anyway? It's only the second week and we already have _loads _of homework. I'm not sure how we're gonna do it once exams get closer."___ _ _ _

______Harry rubbed the back of his neck, knowing, as Hermione's eyes narrowed, that she was remembering that he was ridiculously on top of his assignments. "I guess I just wanted to take this last opportunity to learn as much as I can. You know, before I can't come back to Hogwarts."_ _ _ _ _ _

______He knew at once that he had said the right thing to assuage Hermione's suspicions. Her eyes softened and she smiled. "You should have asked me to recommend classes," her smile faltered slightly, "Well, I guess it doesn’t much matter as you can't take anymore classes anyway." She looked thoughtfully after Professor McGonagall. "I wonder why not."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry shrugged again as Ron piped up, "But at least you get to be part of quidditch this year," his grin was huge, if a little wistful. Hermione rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath, "Seriously is quidditch _all _boys think about?"___ _ _ _ _ _

________She glanced knowingly between the two boys. "I'm sure teaching first years how to fly will be _loads _of fun." Ron suddenly guffawed and clapped Harry on the shoulder. He was laughing too hard to notice Harry's grimace and slight shift away.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Mate, just hope you don't get repeats of our first flying class." He continued to laugh as they started towards charms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"When is your first class?" Hermione inquired as they climbed the marble staircase. Harry checked his new schedule and grimaced a little. "This afternoon. You'd think she'd give me a little more time to prepare."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Hermione hummed in thought as they walked. "Maybe. Maybe she knows that flying is natural enough for you that you won't struggle with teaching it to others. I mean, she knows that you used to teach the DA. I mean, anybody who can teach that many students to cast the patronus charm must be an excellent teacher." She smiled at him kindly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I guess that's possible..." Harry still looked doubtful as they approached the charms classroom._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Ron reclined against the stone wall as they queued outside of the classroom. “Look, mate, you’ll be great. You know tons about flying and about quidditch. Quidditch is one thing you’ve always been able to talk about. You’ve got this.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry gave him a small, fleeting smile as Flitwick called them all into class. It was nice to know that at least Ron thought he could do it. He supposed McGonagall must think he could, too, or he wouldn’t be doing it in the first place, but he couldn’t help that little seed of doubt that he could live up to anybody’s expectations. He felt like he had to work hard to do that with the everyday things, he wasn’t sure how he was going to keep it up with teaching._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He scrubbed his hand through his hair and realized that he hadn’t actually flown since he had pulled Malfoy out of the fiendfyre. Carlie had talked him into getting a new broom over the summer since he had lost his firebolt the night he had left Privet Drive, but he hadn’t managed to go flying. Every time he thought about getting on his broom, he could smell the cloying smoke the fiendfyre produced and heard the screams of Malfoy ringing in his ears. It always made him panic and he had managed to find excuses to put it off. Clearly, excuses would not be allowed him this time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He found that he had a hard time concentrating in his classes that morning. Not because he was exhausted as he had been expecting that morning, but because the prospect of flying and teaching a bunch of 11-year-olds how to grip the handle properly, and how to fly without hurting themselves and a million other things was making him feel rather panicky. Merlin, but he was turning into such a coward._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You faced off with Voldemort, he told himself, you can face 30 first years. Even if they are all staring at you. And even if they are all little snots like Malfoy used to be at that age. You were the youngest seeker in over a century. You can teach anybody how to stay of a broom. He wasn’t sure that his internal pep-talk was helping, but he kept it up through all his classes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________All too soon, he found himself walking towards the quidditch pitch. He went over to the broom shed and picked out 30 of the better brooms and laid them out in two lines. He didn’t really know why, but that’s the way Madam Hooch had set it up when he had learned. He worked on spacing them out exactly as he waited for his students to show up. After an eternity that seemed to pass all too quickly, he found a cluster of Gryffindors and Slytherin first years staring up at him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The expressions on the faces looking up at him ranged from awe to purposefully blank to unveiled disgust. He didn’t know what was worse. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly as he stared at the students. A calm and resolve that he associated with the starting whistle of a quidditch match stole over him. He could do this. They were like a quidditch team. He knew how to work with quidditch teams._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Alright.” He clapped his hands and rubbed them together. “I’m your flying and quidditch instructor. Feel free to call me Harry. If you have questions, raise your hand and I’ll do my best to answer. Now. How many of you have flown before?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________About half of the group lifted hands into the air. Harry’s eye swept over them and he nodded. “Excellent. I’m going to pair you off.” He went about the group, pairing those who had flown with those who had not. He tried to pair them with a member of the other house and he ignored the grumbles of kids who wanted to be paired with their friends._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Alright. Staying next to your new partner, each of you select a broom.” He waited as they all quickly walked up to brooms and returned their gazes to him. He nodded and asked, “Alright, who here is terrified of flying?” It took several moments of silence before a Gryffindor girl lifted her hand into the air._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry smiled at her kindly. “Would you mind sharing with us what it is about flying that is worrying you? We might be able to help you before you even have to touch a broom._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The girls face burned red and her voice was rather quiet as she confessed a fear of falling off her broom. A few Slytherin’s smirked and rolled their eyes but Harry ignored then and nodded thoughtfully to the girl. He looked around at the group of students. “Those of you who have already flown, are any of you aware of anything that might help put our minds at ease when it comes to falling off of brooms?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The class was silent for a few more minutes. Harry waited until a Slytherin boy rolled his eyes and lifted his hand into the air. He started speaking before Harry acknowledged him. “Well, _Harry _, if you are worried about falling off your broom, you can cast charms that keep you seated unless you are within about three feet of the ground.” The sneer in the boy’s voice when he said Harry’s name reminded Harry strongly of Malfoy.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Ignoring the compulsion to roll his eyes, he nodded, “Very good. Five points to Slytherin.” He smiled as the boy’s mouth dropped open and all of the Slytherin’s exchanged looks. “Have any of you ever heard of a broom simply falling out of the sky?” Everybody answered negatively._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Harry nodded and looked at the girl who looked a little better with the few things she had heard. A Gryffindor boy stuck his hand in the air and stared avidly at Harry when he was called on. “I’ve been told that you are an excellent quidditch player. I know you can’t play on the house teams this year, but I’ve heard you can do the Wronski Feint. Can you show us?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You can do the Wronski Feint?” a Slytherin boy piped up and then looked exceptionally embarrassed as every looked at him. More of the students were looking at him with that awed expression that made him feel uncomfortable. He rubbed the back of his neck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Would it help anybody to see a practical flying demonstration before you try?” He was rather suspicious of the unanimous nodding that was going on, but he relented. He summoned his own broom from where he had set it on the edge of the pitch. Catching it easily in his hand, he mounted. His grip on the highly polished handle tightened and he clenched his teeth, hard._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He could smell smoke. He worked hard to combat the screams he knew he would soon be remembering. Taking a deep breath, he kicked off, hard. As he shot up into the air, he inhaled deeply. The warm afternoon air rushed into his lungs and erased the scent of smoke. He looped around the quidditch pitch, accelerating, and letting the wind whip his hair and robes as a grin broke out on his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled that widely, but he wasn’t going to complain about it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He had forgotten how freeing flying was. He had forgotten how it always seemed to settle his problems and his emotions. He climbed higher and higher, until the students were just small specks on the ground below. He stilled for a moment before pelting towards the ground at full speed. As he got closer to the ground, he could hear a few girls shrieking. Concentrating hard, he pulled up at the last possible moment, grinning at the rush of adrenaline that was pulsing through his veins._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He did a few loops on his broom before landing softly on the grass where he had kicked off. An excited babble erupted from the class and he worked to quiet them. He apparently had managed to win over most of the Slytherin’s, too. There were still a few that didn’t look impressed, but Harry didn’t let it bother him. He felt rather distracted as he felt a weight pressed down on him again. He didn’t want to be on the ground again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He shook himself mentally. “Alright. We’re going to start. But you all must know that if any of you try to do anything remotely dangerous while on your broom, you will be in serious trouble. I’m not talking about losing house points and detention. I am talking about serious injury or even death. If I had messed up that move I just showed you, I could have killed myself.” Harry stared at the students until most looked down at the ground and muttered acquiescence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Alright. Everybody step up to your broom, hold your hand above it and say, ‘up’.” He watched the mixed results of the students. Many had their broom in hand after the first try, but several others had to repeat themselves. Eventually, everybody had a broom in hand. Harry nodded. “Excellent. Now we are going to mount our brooms. If you want to see what that looks like again, watch me.” A few students looked his way as others mounted their brooms. Harry swung his leg over the handle of his broom and settled himself into place._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The rest of the students followed suit. Harry then walked up and down the rows, correcting the way students were gripping the handle and complimenting those who were doing it properly. After he had ensured that everybody was doing it properly, he moved on to the next stage of the operation, kicking off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“On the count of three, you are to kick off from the ground. You are to hover a few feet of the ground and then you will touch down again. Ready? One, Two, Three!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Harry was pleased that they did as asked and that nobody tried to show off. When everybody had feet on the ground once more, he asked for questions and spent the next twenty minutes talking about the importance of proper grip, broom maintenance, and the importance of taking safety precautions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He checked his watch and complimented the students on their work. “Ten points to Gryffindor and Slytherin for your excellent work today. I believe I will see you at the same time next week for your next lesson.” He waved them off and was glad that most of the faces looked happy. There were still several students who were staring at him with an awkward intensity, but Harry ignored it and watched them all troop back up the lawns._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He hoped his lesson with the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws went as well. He also decided that he needed to go flying more. Those few minutes that he had spent in the air… Well, he had felt more relaxed in the air than he could remember feeling since before he went off to hunt Horcruxes with Ron and Hermione._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Flying came so naturally to him. It felt _right _somehow. As though the sky was where he was really meant to be. Things made sense when he was flying, so much more than when he had two feet firmly on the ground. He stared at the sky.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He had a few minutes before the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were due to show up for their lesson. He didn’t see anybody coming down the lawns yet and so he took the chance to kick off and rise into the air again. He flew from one end of the pitch to the other, losing himself in the sensation, in the feeling of the wind in his hair in the sound of his robes snapping behind him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He looked down after a while and noticed a group of students standing by the brooms waiting for him. He slowly descended and began his flying lesson all over again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________As he walked back up to the school after locking up the brooms at the end of his class, he wondered how Professor McGonagall had really come to the decision to let him teach. Surely it wasn’t just because Madame Hooch wasn’t well. There were plenty of people who would come teach flying and quidditch at Hogwarts. He wondered about it all evening, as he ate a small amount of food under Hermione’s watchful eye, as he strove to work through their latest charms essay and as he lay on his bed while sleep evaded him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Maybe Professor McGonagall had been on to something when she told him that he wouldn’t be taking extra classes this year. He could only hope that things continued as well as they had started._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	8. Chapter 8

The next few weeks passed quietly enough. Harry continued to finish all of his homework late at night when he couldn’t sleep or early in the mornings as a way to distract himself from his nightmares. He continued to get excellent marks. He couldn’t be sure but he thought that Hermione was getting rather frustrated by this. But that might have had something to do with the fact that he let Ron copy off of his assignments. 

Harry had taken to his role as the ‘quidditch professor’ – Ron’s new nickname for him – quite well. He enjoyed being able to fly often. It brought him a sense of peace that he couldn’t seem to find anywhere else. Being in the air always just felt… _right _somehow. He had even discovered that he liked helping out the quidditch captains. Surprisingly enough, it was the Slytherin Captain that he worked with the most.__

__Harry had thought that the Slytherin team would be quite vocal with a desire to have no help from ‘Scarhead Potter’, however the captain, Michael Andrews, sought out Harry’s assistance with practice at least twice a week. Ginny, who was the Gryffindor Captain, had been rather offended by Harry’s willingness to help the Slytherins with quidditch and had pitched a spectacular fit in the middle of the Gryffindor common room. Harry had gone up there to talk to her about her plans for quidditch and how he would like to help. He had explained his new role as appointed by Professor McGonagall and how he was supposed to help train all of the teams. When Harry explained that he would have no qualms about helping the Slytherin team practice, Ginny lost it._ _

__They quickly gained the attention of everybody in the room as Ginny started yelling and calling him a traitor to his own house for helping train the ‘snakes’. She had said that her team would be superior to any team taught by a traitor and that they would not need any ‘pity’ from Potter. She continued on in this thread, yelling herself silly until she realized that in the 15 or so minutes that she had been ranting that Harry had not said a word. He has simply stared at her._ _

__She had yelled at him to go and join the snakes if he wanted to be a Slytherin so badly. He had simply stood and walked out. He wondered how many other Weasley’s he was bound to have rows with._ _

__Harry contemplated Ginny as he wandered the halls afterwards. She had flushed so dark while she was yelling that her face almost looked purple. Harry was contemplating her coloring to what he remembered of Vernon Dursley turning purple when he was mad and was quite impressed with how angry Ginny must be. Deep down, he knew that this was about more than quidditch. Ginny was angry with him for refusing to get back together with her. He had tried telling her that he really felt that she was more like a sister to him, that he didn’t know if he could really love anybody enough to actually share himself with them._ _

__She had naturally been hurt and angry, Harry felt infinitely guilty, especially when he saw Ron and Ginny off talking in corners while shooting him glances. He didn’t know what Ron said to Ginny in those moments, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He hoped that Ron was backing what he had said, but maybe he was just telling Ginny to give him time. He knew that no matter how much time she gave him, it would never be enough._ _

__He had started spending more time with Dean and Seamus when Ron and Hermione were off doing who knows what. Well, Harry knew what, but he preferred not to think about it. Dean and Seamus teased him mercilessly, but Harry found that, when they did it, it didn’t much mind it. He offered silent smiles when they first started asking him about how attractive he found other boys in the school. It started when they were walking to the library together and a sixth-year boy walked past them. At first, Harry had laughed and told them he didn’t notice, but as this trend of questions continued, in the halls, in the library, in classes, and at meals, Harry found himself thinking about it more and more._ _

__He wondered if Dean and Seamus were onto something. Dean liked to tease him and give him kisses when Harry wasn’t paying attention, which caused Seamus to guffaw loudly when Harry sputtered in shock and pushed Dean away. Harry decided one afternoon when they had been sitting together, Harry reading a new book on transfiguration, Seamus and Dean doing homework, that they really didn’t expect him to put on a show at all. If he didn’t want to talk, they left him to it, ensuring that they included him in their comments from time to time, and when he wanted to talk, they talked about whatever Harry wanted to._ _

__He decided that they didn’t expect anything from him. That shocking revelation caused Harry to stare at the pair, sitting side-by-side as they did their homework. Harry had become so accustomed to ignoring his emotions lately, because they were usually uncomfortable, that he didn’t really feel them anymore. Yet as he watched Seamus and Dean, he felt a strange warmth coil in his gut, making him smile softly as he watched them._ _

__Seamus was the first to glance up and notice Harry staring. He grinned widely and winked. “Like what cha see, Harry?” That made Dean look up and grin, his eyes darting between Seamus and Harry._ _

__Harry gave them a cheeky grin and winked at Dean. “I’m just planning on how I’m going to steal Dean away from you. Surely dating me has more perks than dating you, I mean, think of all the art supplies I can provide. Plus,” he continued, his grin turning mischievous, “he’d always have a buff quidditch player to be a nude model for him.”_ _

__They all spun around at the sound of somebody choking behind them. Sitting behind them, just two tables away was Draco Malfoy, his face bright red as he started coughing in earnest. Looking heartily embarrassed to have been noticed, he lifted the large charms book before him to hide his face. Harry could still see a strip of his forehead, still bright red over the top of the book._ _

__Turning slowly around to face Dean and Seamus once more, he met their amused expressions. “I wonder if Malfoy draws,” Dean grinned slyly, “I mean, I don’t think he’d complain about drawing you while you were starkers.” There was a loud thud behind them. Harry refused to turn around, but from the delightedly amused expressions on his companions faces, he assumed that Draco had dropped his book._ _

__Harry felt this cheeks tinge pink. He had known that Malfoy had been watching him a lot lately, but he hadn’t given much thought as to why. Lots of people watched him. He assumed that it had to do with the fact that he had taken down Voldemort. Now that he considered it though… That wasn’t a reason that was likely to get Malfoy looking at him. His face flushed a deeper red as he wondered if Dean’s suggestion had merit. He’d never really thought of Malfoy that way._ _

__I mean, he knew the boy was attractive, he was near the top of the list of attractive people that he, Dean, and Seamus talked about. Though they always said it was a pity that he was such a prat. But he really hadn’t been bad this year. He wasn’t drawing attention to himself, unless you counted how he watched Harry. He was cordial to classmates and teachers and rather kept to himself. He didn’t seem to have very good relations with anybody other than Parkinson and Zabini. And those seemed more strained than usual as well. He rather kept to himself and Harry found himself wondering why that was._ _

__He glanced over his shoulder and saw that Malfoy was hidden behind another book. Dean sniggered quietly. “Feel like pulling a Slytherin, Harry?” Harry blushed so hard that it crept down his neck. He kicked out at Dean’s leg. “Shut up, Dean, we aren’t all slags like you. Besides, I though everybody was looking for their ‘soulmate’” he scowled at the term. He was sick of it constantly being discussed in the common room. He supposed he should have expected it, what with everybody being 18. They all had soulmarks starting to show up on their skin. Not that anybody else could see them. They wouldn’t be visible until their soulmate touched them._ _

__“Aw, come on, Harry. You can’t tell me you don’t want to find your soulmate?” Seamus sounded incredulous. Harry shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “Honestly…. I’m not sure… I’m not sure I could handle loving somebody like that. I’m not sure I can, anymore.” He rubbed his thumb against a gouge in the tabletop. “It’s not like I’ve had any soulmarks show up to indicate that I even have a soulmate. Maybe they died in the war. I don’t know.”_ _

__That warm glow that Harry had felt in his gut just a few minutes previous was replaced with a black void. It just made him feel tired. “I’m done for the day, guys. I’ll see you later.” He scooped up the book he was reading and headed towards his room, his desire for company having vanished as quickly as that warm feeling. He didn’t know that Seamus and Dean continued to discuss him and he didn’t think about the fact that Malfoy was sitting close enough to eavesdrop on their conversation._ _

__He spent the rest of the evening avoiding everybody, which proved to provide more grief the next day. Apparently, Dean and Seamus had caught up to Ron to talk to him about how Harry was doing. They told him that they thought Harry could use some cheering up, so wouldn’t Ron try taking him out to Hogsmeade or something and go have fun for a while._ _

__All that happened though, was Ron ran amok with the wards Harry put on his room. Because he had put silencing charms into his wards, he couldn’t hear anything going on in the hall and didn’t hear the yelling, cursing, yelps of pain or hollering that was going on. He knew somebody had been in contact with his wards, they buzzed along his skin, letting him know that they had been activated, but he was feeling so despondent as he lay on his bed that he simply dismissed the disruption and continued to lay there._ _

__So, it was, the next day when Harry came face to face with Ron, they had a massive row. Ron was pissed that Harry’s room was warded against him, but he was also pissed that his wards had shocked him severely, but also that Harry couldn’t be bothered to come and open his door. Harry explained the silencing charms woven into the wards and informed him that he had no idea that was going on outside his door. Harry asserted that nobody was supposed to be in his room besides him and that was perfectly normal. He was not going to apologize and he was not going to change his wards to allow Ron into his room._ _

__Ron, his face as red as his hair, bellowed that Harry was supposed to be his best mate and that this wasn’t the sort of thing you did to your friends. Harry bellowed back that if he was really Harry’s friend he would recognize that Harry needed space. Hermione, looking nervously after Ron who had stormed out of the common room, suggested that maybe Harry was overreacting. Harry bellowed at her, too._ _

__Anger flickered hot in his veins and he felt a sick sense of pleasure as he watched her scramble out of the common room looking hurt. It served them right if they couldn’t handle the fact that he didn’t want them with him every moment of the day. As soon as they had left the room, Harry was flooded with guilt. He jammed both hands through his hair as a sense of panic filled him. What had he done, what had he done? His mind ran wild with thoughts of Ron and Hermione refusing to speak to him again. What if they decided he wasn’t worth it? What if they decided that his bad temper was a good enough reason to stop being his friend?_ _

__With a growing sense of despair, he trudged back up to his room and shut himself in. He didn’t leave his room, all weekend._ _


	9. Chapter 9

Draco knew his face was burning and he quickly dove down to retrieve his dropped charms book which he promptly hid behind. Oh, Sweet Salizar, now they knew that he had been listening. He was mortified. Mostly, he wanted to strangle Finnegan and Thomas. Not that they had said anything that was untrue. He would gladly try his hand at drawing if he was tasked to draw a naked Potter. He tried peering over his book at the trio who had gone curiously quiet. Harry’s neck had turned a rather fetching shade of red.

Draco stole a glance at the other two. Thomas was grinning at him widely and he quickly ducked back behind his book. He could practically feel Thomas’ eyes as he asked Harry about pulling a Slytherin. He rolled his eyes at the thought of Harry doing anything without his heart fully in it. He couldn’t help the small smile that grew on his lips as Harry confirmed his thought a moment later. 

The smile slipped and an expression of abject horror replaced it as Harry continued though. Harry didn’t think he could _love _anymore? What the hell was going on in Potter’s head? Draco didn’t think it was possible for Harry to _not _love people. He watched over his book, his mouth gaping, as Harry beat a hasty exit from the library.____

____His eyes flicked over towards Finnegan and Thomas. They looked rather concerned as their eyes followed Harry’s retreat up the staircase. “Seamus…”_ _ _ _

____“I know, Dean. But I don’t know how we can help him. I mean, I don’t even really know what’s wrong. Something has to be going on. Like… I heard from a few of the younger students that Ginny ripped Harry a new one in the Gryffindor common room the other week. Something having to do with quidditch, I guess. He’s been helping out the Slytherin team a lot. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff ask for his help occasionally, but really it’s the Slytherin Captain, Andrews, I think his name is, that has been asking Harry for help. Beth said that Ginny yelled at him for a solid 15 minutes while Harry just sat there and watched her.”_ _ _ _

____“What. The. Hell. I thought Ginny was still trying to get Harry into bed. Why would she jump all over him like that?” Thomas’s voice was quiet, but he sounded right angry. Draco, who had put down his book and was pretending to do his essay again, risked another glance in their direction. Finnegan looked bemused and gave a small shrug._ _ _ _

____“I don’t know, Dean,” there was a heavy sigh, “I don’t know but clearly Harry’s well out of it. If Gryffindor loses the quidditch cup this year to Slytherin cause Ginny’s too big of a bitch to let Harry help, then I’ll celebrate with them.” Thomas grimaced but nodded. “Part of me wonders…” Thomas started and stopped. Draco stared at his parchment and wondered if Thomas was looking at him to see if he was still listening. He scratched a few random words on his essay before Thomas continued his speculating._ _ _ _

____“I wonder if Harry’s really coping with everything that’s happened. Let’s be real. What happened a few minutes ago was the first time I’ve heard him crack a joke all year. And then it turned into this really depressing… whatever that was. I think he has been spending more time with us than he has with Ron and Hermione. And that’s only when he leaves his room. But mostly… He doesn’t react to things anymore. Remember the beginning of fifth year and you and he almost had a go at each other? And then every other time he has blown up at people? Harry’s always gotten angry so quickly but this year… It’s like he doesn’t react at all. Like when he _walked. Silently. _Out of the great hall the morning he got his first howler. Or the fact that he sat there and let Ginny yell at him for 15 minutes before leaving? I really don’t even want to mention that night with his memories from second year…” The boy’s face turned rather green.___ _ _ _

______Draco looked up in time to see Thomas rub a hand over his face. “Something’s changed. Maybe we should take him out tonight. Try and do something fun.” Finnegan grumbled something under his breath which made Thomas smile. “I forgot you had detention. Let’s go find Ron, tell him he’s gotta cheer up his best mate.” Draco watched as they gathered up their things and headed up to their rooms, presumably to find the Weasel._ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. His fingers idly brushed against the mark on his forehead as he thought. He had spent the better part of the last 6 weeks trying to learn more about Potter’s habits, likes and dislikes through observation and he finally had to admit, after hearing a 20-minute conversation that he had failed miserably at his self-appointed task. Even though he had spent the better part of his life at Hogwarts watching Potter – to make fun of him, of course – he felt like he really didn’t know anything about him._ _ _ _ _ _

______He scowled down at his essay for a few moments before making himself focus. His eyes drifted to his right hand. A new mark had appeared just the other day. He had spent a long time looking at it before he figured out that it was words. It took him even longer to read the small print that was now on the back of his hand. “I must not tell lies” Where the hell would Potter have gotten a scar like that? He brushed his fingers over it. He really couldn’t lie to himself. He was attracted to Potter. Knowing he was Potter’s soulmate was a thrilling thought and caused Draco to want him with a new intensity. He knew that Potter would be the one person who would always understand him, support him, and complete him. If he were allowed to do so._ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco was not going to give him the opportunity. He was going to find Harry somebody better… Somebody who deserved him. But he was going to need help. He was learning, slowly that he really didn’t know much about Harry. He knew how to piss him off – as he should, having made it his life-goal for the past seven years – but he didn’t know what made him happy, or sad, or what it was that caused his eyes to go blank. His eyes had always been so intense, whenever they were fighting, whenever a professor was doing something Potter thought was unfair, whenever he played quidditch. You could see Harry and all that he cared about through his eyes. Merlin, but Draco loved Potter’s eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______He didn’t know when it had started, but it must have been sometime after Potter had returned Draco’s wand. Draco could remember the fire burning in his eyes as he told Draco that he forgave him and hoped that they would be able to move forward. Draco had turned his back and hadn’t seen him until they met again at Hogwarts. Their eyes had met several times, but his eyes had lacked their usual fire._ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there before the yelling started. His gaze was drawn to the staircase that led to the boy’s dorms._ _ _ _ _ _

______There was a loud yelp of pain followed by an annoyed yell. “Merlin’s tits that hurt! Harry, open the damned door!” There was a loud thump followed by another yelp of pain. “Fuck! Harry! Open your fucking door!” There were several more yelps followed by quite a lot of cursing until a very disheveled looking Weasel stepped into the common room. He was twitching slightly and stormed out, ignoring the many confused looks being thrown his way._ _ _ _ _ _

______Shrugging slightly at what had the Weasel so wound up at Potter, Draco spent the evening finishing his homework and resolving to talk to Luna about Harry. He needed an ally, and he thought Lovegood might be just the one to help._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______He wasn’t sure why he had gotten so lucky as to have Luna as a friend – considering all the time that she spent in his family’s cellar – but he found the odd girl to be quite intelligent, insightful, and exceptionally loyal. She had quickly picked up on the fact that he was not happy being a Death Eater and had been happy to accept small tokens from him. He would regularly sneak down extra blankets and food for the poor people locked up in his family home._ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco had spent many an afternoon sitting and talking with Luna about whatever crossed her mind. He knew more than he ever cared to about Crumple horned snorkacks, nargles, wrackspurts, and fresh-water plimpies. Despite her odd interests, she seemed to know what he was feeling before he was. She was an amazing comfort to him – considering she was the one imprisoned._ _ _ _ _ _

______They had ended up with an odd friendship, and Draco knew that she would be the one who would help him in his quest to find Potter somebody who would love him completely. Luna would understand how he felt._ _ _ _ _ _

______He wasn’t able to track her down until lunch the following day. He joined her at the Ravenclaw table, steadfastly ignoring the disgruntled stares he was receiving from many of the other Ravenclaws._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, hello, Draco.” Luna smiled at him. She didn’t seem to notice the disgruntled and disgusted looks her house-mates were sending her way. Once it became clear that Draco was not going to be leaving, the ones sitting closest to them cleared off, electing to sit somewhere further away from the death eater and Loony Lovegood._ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco smiled at her and leaned in to whisper in her ear. He _did not _want to be overheard. “I was wondering if you would be willing to help me out with a bit of a project?” Luna examined him for a few moments. Her fingers reached out and brushed the shadows under his eyes before coming to a decision. She nodded. “I would be happy to help you, Draco, you know that.” Her eyes grew warm as she smiled at him. “You’re wanting help getting to know your soulmate.” She nodded to herself and took a bite of toast as she appeared to think this over, not noticing the startled look on Draco’s face.___ _ _ _ _ _

________He shook his head, smiling wryly. “I’ll never know how you do it. But yes. I need to get to know him so I can figure out…” his words trailed off as he tried to find a good way to phrase what he wanted to do for Potter. “He needs somebody good. Somebody who can support him and be exactly the right person for him. Not me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Luna simply looked at him. She looked at him long enough to make him shift uncomfortably in his seat. “Does Harry know?” Draco froze, his mouth gaping. “I never said-” Luna patted his cheek fondly and smiled at him in her usual, mysterious way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t worry, Draco. We’ll find somebody who is just perfect for him. You need to be his friend first.” Draco nodded, thanked her, and walked out of the Great Hall, wondering if he would ever speak to Luna and not feel dazed afterwards._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________But, speaking of… Draco couldn’t recall seeing Potter at all. He supposed that he might have just missed seeing him at breakfast or in class… he shook off his sense of unease and headed up to the common room. He had always been glad that Friday afternoons were free of lessons. It always allowed him the chance to jump start his homework for the weekend._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He settled at a free table near a window and spread out his assignments. He really only had two essays left. One for arithmancy and the other for transfiguration. He had only just started rereading their most recent chapter for transfigurations when Potter came down the stairs from the dorms. He cast a quick look around, gave a small nod in Draco’s direction and collapsed into an armchair that was next to the fire._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco tried to go back to his reading, but it wasn’t long before he found himself examining Potter’s profile. He was sitting sideways in an armchair, both legs thrown over one arm, which allowed him to curl up against the back. His dark mop of hair was a complete mess, as usual, and Draco had to work to push down the urge to run his fingers through it to straighten it. He finds himself wondering what his hair would feel like. Would it be soft? Course? Obviously, he has thick hair… how else would it stand up straight in weird clumps like that…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He mentally shakes himself, but rather than going back to the transfiguration text sitting in his lap, his eyes trace over Potter’s face. Maybe it’s because he was just staring at his black hair… but his skin seems paler than normal. His eyes are closed and Draco could see dark purple smudges under his eyes. Now that he thought about it… Potter really looked unwell. His skin was so pale that, coupled with his dark hair and the purple beneath his eyes, he looked almost like a corpse._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco wondered if he should ask Potter if he was ok. That would be something a friend would do, right? It wouldn’t be creepy of him, right?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He had just plucked up the courage to go over to Potter and ask if he was ok, he had gone as far as to stand and take a few steps closer, “Potter, are you feeling-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Harry, what the fuck is wrong with you?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Potter jerked so violently as the loud voice of Ron Weasley proceeded him into the room that he fell out of his chair. Scrambling to his feet, he sunk into a defensive crouch, before slowly straightening and looking over at Ron. His face void of expression._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Rather than get caught in the middle, Draco edged back against the wall, wondering if Weasley had noticed that Potter had palmed his wand and immediately sunk into a defensive crouch after he’d been startled. Reflexes that would have helped keep him alive during the war, but he shouldn’t need them anymore. Surely Potter was aware of that. Nobody was going to attack him. Well… not violently, hopefully. He sunk back and watched, wondering how this new development was going to unfold._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Weasley stormed up to Potter, his face as red as his hair and his expression furious._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he repeated his question._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Potter blinked up at him as a confused expression crossed his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Lots of things, I’m sure.” Draco struggled not to laugh at Potter’s deadpan response. He was sure that laughing now would not help the situation. His eyes flicked back to Weasley who appeared even angrier at Potter’s sarcasm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Why the fuck can’t I get into your room?” Potter blinked, his expression getting even more confused._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m not going to let just anybody into my rooms. In fact, nobody can enter my room except for me,” Potter’s expression turned suddenly steely._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Weasley sputtered, “Since when am I ‘just anybody’? I’m supposed to be your best mate!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Potter sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You _are _my best mate, Ron. I just need space that nobody else can get to. I’m tired of everybody fawning on me and sending me hate mail. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the younger students who lost parents and friends because of me resort to hexes soon.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Weasley was looking at him incredulously, “But I wouldn’t and don’t do any of those things. We’ve been mates forever. I can’t believe you’d keep me out.” His face became angry again, “I can’t believe you’d have your door charmed to shock me when I touched it! It bloody hurt!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “It does that to anybody who touches my door or tries to put something under my door who isn’t me. I don’t want to find any surprises appearing in my room when I come back.” His expression turned rather dark. “I won’t have a repeat of Umbridge’s office with the nifflers.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Where in your mind are any of those things related to me?” Weasley was gaping at Potter as though he had grown another head. “We share everything, Harry. I know everything about you and you know everything about me,” Weasley’s expression was morphing into a look of hurt, as though Potter’s need for privacy was a serious offense against Weasley’s character._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I just need space to be alone. You can be my friend and not come in my room, Ron.” Harry sounded tired._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Weasley’s face looked distinctly hurt, “I’m supposed to be your best mate. You didn’t even come out of your room when I knocked. We share everything. You are a part of the family. I didn’t realize you didn’t want to be.” Weasley, even more red in the face, stalked off, leaving Harry standing alone in the middle of the common room, staring after him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco took a tentative step forward. “P-Potter? Are you… all right?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry glanced at him over his shoulder, his eyes looked rather haunted. His lips quirked up on one side, apparently trying to smile – though it came out as more of a grimace - and shrugged. His expression dropped and he trudged towards the boy’s dorms. A few moments later, they heard a door close quietly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco slowly returned to the table spread with his homework. He glanced around the common room, glad that it was mostly empty. When Harry came out of his room again, Draco would talk to him and maybe he could convince him to go and see the nurse. No. He hadn’t had a real conversation with him since… well. He didn’t really know when he’d had a real conversation with Potter. Maybe he should do that before he showed concern over his health._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Ugh. Draco’s head fell back against his chair. Maybe he needed to make some grand gesture to show his desire to be friends. Like what Potter did last spring. He rolled his shoulders, trying to loosen his muscles. He was making too much of the fact that Potter was his ‘soulmate’. He barely knew the sodding man and he was acting like a blushing school girl. He could be Potter’s friend and he could do it without making it into a big deal._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Potter had just always been so… unapproachable. Before the war they had their little feud, neither admitting that they would be willing to be the other’s friend. Not that he knew that Potter had ever felt that way before the war. But Potter had saved his life. He had saved Potter’s life. It’s hard to be enemies after events like that. Being stuck in the Room of Requirement while it was burning had been absolutely terrifying. He couldn’t believe it that Potter had come back for him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He could still hear Weasley’s voice yelling that he had better not die for a bunch of Slytherins… But still Potter had come and he had pulled him onto the back of his broom. Draco definitely _had not _yelled like a girl in Potter’s ear and wrapped his arms so tightly around him that Potter couldn’t breathe. Draco had always been so awful to him, he wouldn’t have been surprised if Potter had left him to burn with Crabbe. Sometimes, Draco wished he had.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________But Potter was ever the hero, swooping in and saving the day, even when the person didn’t deserve it. That was why Potter deserved somebody better. Hell, after what he just saw Weasley do, he was pretty sure that Potter deserved better friends than he had. Maybe… Maybe he could be that for Potter. Maybe, even though he was unsuited to be with him in a more romantic sense, he could be the true friend that Potter deserved and clearly needed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He wondered if he could get away with hexing Weasley without McGonagall knowing it was him. His eyes drifted towards the staircase, wondering when Potter would reappear there. He sighed and decided that he could at least finish his homework while he waited._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco was getting nervous. It was Sunday morning and Potter still hadn’t come out of his room. He’d been in there for two days and nobody had seen him. Every time he walked by Potter’s room he would stop and listen, hoping to hear some indication that the person within was alive, he knew better, he knew Potter’s wards stopped sound, but he hoped that he would hear something anyway._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He always left disappointed. It wasn’t until he was wandering around the castle that afternoon that he learned more about the situation. He was wandering down the 4th floor corridor, when he heard what sounded like an argument. Never one to pass up an opportunity to learn about which couple was now on the outs – he would be sure to tell Pansy about it later – he crept closer and slipped into an alcove behind a suit of armor. It became suddenly clear that he was listening to Granger and the Weasel. What could the golden couple of the Golden Trio possibly be arguing about?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I cannot believe you yelled at him because of that! Why shouldn’t Harry have his own space? Even if you weren’t happy about it you could have talked to him about it. What good did yelling do you? Do you even know what week this is? Halloween is this week. _Halloween, _Ron. Surely, you can at least remember why that might be an important holiday to Harry?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco could hear the venom dripping from her words. Draco couldn’t help but be impressed. He was distinctly glad that he was not on the receiving end of her anger this time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I know, I know. I’m sorry, all right? I just lost it. He’s been acting so distant, spending all of his time with Dean and Seamus. We haven’t spent time together in weeks. I forgot that Halloween was coming up. I know it’s the anniversary of his parent’s death…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco’s mouth dropped open. Weasley wasn’t the only one who forgot. Everybody knew that Halloween night was when Potter had first defeated the Dark Lord… but he, and apparently Weasley, forgot that it also meant that Potter’s parents died that day._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“You need to go apologize, I’m really worried about him. He hasn’t come out of his room in two days, Ron. After what he told us about what happened in the forest last spring. I’m worried about how he’ll react,” there was a beat of silence and a softer, “I just don’t want him to be alone for this. I don’t want him to think that we’re mad at him so he won’t come to us.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco examined his nails. He was pretty sure that the Weasel was kissing Granger. Ugh. There was a soft squelching sound before Weasley’s voice could be heard again. He shuddered in disgust. “But how am I supposed to talk to him when he is locking in his room which zaps anybody who touches the door, and silences any noise from the hall?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I think,” Draco swore he could hear the smile in Granger’s voice, - how did she do that without sounding condescending – “that you’re forgetting who we’re talking about. Do you really think that the moment you finished arguing and Harry went back to his room that he didn’t remove the silencing charm that silenced what went on in the hall?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Right. Well… I guess I should…” Weasley sounded embarrassed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“You will go and apologize to your friend, who _you _yelled at for no good reason.” Granger’s voice sounded dangerous once more and Draco smirked. Maybe he could be friends with Granger, too. She certainly had spirit.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Merlin, you’d think we were in fourth year again. With the way you’re acting. I’m not letting you both ignore each other this time. So, _go.” _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He heard their footsteps retreat and continued wandering, hoping that Weasley would be successful in getting Potter out of his room. While Weasley did that, he needed to figure out how to show Potter that he wanted to be his friend._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________After several more hours of wandering, he finally had a plan._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long gap in posting! Life got kinda crazy. I've got a new job and am looking to move. But in honor of Harry's birthday, I've finished a new chapter. Hopefully, I'll be back to posting weekly!
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave comments, suggestions, and thoughts below!

Harry rubbed his eyes, the low burn in them driving him nuts. If only he could sleep, he knew that would alleviate at least some of his problems. The one problem it wouldn't fix was Ron. He had no idea how that one would work out, but he couldn't summon the energy to care. 

 

He flopped back on his bed, his eyes landing on the drawings he had made of the basilisk. Maybe he was ready... standing slowly he walked to his desk and pulled out the book on tattoos as he examined the bottles of ink lined up on his shelf. Pulling out a bottle of black, acid green, forest green, and yellow, he flipped through the book until he got to the chapter dedicated to applying tattoos. 

 

Harry read over the incantations a few more times before he nodded to himself. Walking over to his wall of sketches, he found the one he liked best and carried it over to his desk. He set it down and stared at it, working up his courage. He knew it would hurt and he was going to be casting with his left hand; he hoped it wouldn't be a complete disaster. 

 

Sucking in a fortifying breath, he twitched his wand. The stoppers in the ink bottles popped out and landed with dull thuds next to their bottles. 

 

He glanced at the book again. He knew what he needed to do. Apparently, the key was to heal as you went along, it would keep the ink lines crisp and would keep the pain from becoming unmanageable. Theoretically, he should be able to tattoo himself with no problems. 

 

He rubbed his eyes once more, striving to dispel the dryness before he grasped his wand in his left hand and pointed it at the bottle of black ink. With a muttered incantation, he pointed his wand and the base of his right thumb. 

 

He began chanting the incantation softly, the repeated words sounding almost lyrical as he traced his wand over his skin. As he wound his way around his thumb and along the soft skin of his palm, a hiss of pain disrupted his incantation.

 

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. The pain, rather than clouding his mind, was clearing away the haze of exhaustion and sharpening his focus. He clung to the feeling of clarity he was sure he hadn't felt in months. 

 

As the sharp pain dulled to faint ache he opened his eyes. Replacing his wand to his skin, he began incanting again, dragging the wood across his skin, leaving clear black lines in its wake. As the minutes flowed by, Harry found himself relishing the pain in his arm. His muttered incantation died on his lips as he finished the outline high on his forearm. 

 

He examined his work and felt quite pleased with the results. Tail wrapped around his thumb, the body wound around his forearm with its head, fangs bared, resting exactly where his arm had been pierced by the basilisk when he was twelve. 

 

He traced the head lightly with his index finger, wondering at the hollow feeling in his chest. Shrugging it off, he pointed his wand at the green ink before setting wood to skin once more. 

 

Several hours later, he sat in the chair by his desk, examining his finished tattoo. He was quite pleased with the results. It somehow felt _right _to have a lasting mark from the horrors he’d experienced. For a long time, it had seemed like nothing but a dream, something that the darkest corner of his mind had concocted to torment him. He never failed to remember the words spoken by Riddle – reminding him of all their similarities – whenever he was feeling unsure about what he was doing. He always ended up questioning his motivations.__

__It hadn’t helped when his connection with Voldemort had become more developed and apparent the older he got. There had been several times when he was sure that he was destined to become the next Dark Lord. In the dark moments of the night when he allowed the part of him that was selfish, angry, and craved the power to make a difference to lead his thoughts._ _

__It was then that the small voice in his head, which sounded remarkably like the teenage Voldemort, reminded him of the words of the Sorting Hat, “You could be great, you know. It’s all here in your head, and Slytherin will help you on your way to greatness…”_ _

__Focusing on the fact that Voldemort was a psychotic bastard helped Harry remember that he could choose to be different. He could choose the light over the dark. Remembering that it was Voldemort and not his own mind who had drawn those initial conclusions helped him realize this even more._ _

__Remembering the reality of the events had been a struggle._ _

__Fawkes had healed him so there were no scars or physical indications on his body, the sword had been taken by Dumbledore, he cleaned up, and his robes had been cleaned and repaired. It was like it had never happened._ _

__

__There had been many times when he had woken in the night and had felt afraid or anxious. He had scrabbled at his arm, where he had been wounded. His searching fingers had only found smooth skin, leaving him in a surreal limbo of doubt and certainty._ _

__

__Those nightmares and dreams had been replaced with others over the years, but Harry felt oddly satisfied now, knowing that he wouldn't have to experience that feeling again. At least not regarding the Chamber of Secrets._ _

__

__The pain had faded to a dull ache and his exhaustion settled in again. Figuring he could try to sleep, he removed his glasses, settled onto his bed, and was unconscious in moments._ _

__

__Harry jerked awake and groaned loudly. It took him several moments to realize the pounding was not just in his head. Somebody was knocking on his door._ _

__

__Stumbling across the stone floor, he managed to grasp the door and yank it open. He squinted at the person in the hall. He hadn't put on his glasses and he was losing the battle of trying to bring his eyes into focus. And the incessant pounding in his head wasn't helping any._ _

__

__"Harry?" The voice sounded concerned. Harry rubbed his eyes, and tried to focus. Ron. That's who it was. He was not in the mood to deal with Ron right now. His head hurt and he was much too dizzy... he leaned against his doorframe and pressed a hand, hard, across his eyes._ _

__

__"Harry, are you all right?"_ _

__

__Harry dropped his hand and rolled his eyes. "Of course, Ron, why wouldn't I be?" He glared blearily at Ron as he tried to ignore the pounding in his head. Now Ron wanted to be friendly?_ _

__

__"Well.... mate, nobody's seen you all weekend."_ _

__

__Harry ground his teeth and leaned more heavily against the doorframe._ _

__

__When Harry gave no response to this, Ron continued._ _

__

__"Harry, its 8pm on Sunday. And you look like shit. What have you been doing all weekend?"_ _

__

__Harry's mouth fell open. "It's Sunday!?!" He stood up straight and reached for Ron. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, shake the truth out of him or punch him for being an ass, but he never got that far. As he moved forward, a wave of dizziness washed over him and his vision went dark._ _

__

__Harry blinked into wakefulness and found himself staring at a stone ceiling. Well, that did very little to help him identify where he was. He groaned as he remembered collapsing. He was in for an inquisition, he knew._ _

__

__"Harry?"_ _

__

__Hermione's voice - soft and full of worry. Small fingers brushed against his forehead, smoothing his hair back. He turned his head slightly and Hermione's bushy hair came into his blurry view._ _

__

__"'Ello Hermione," his voice was raspy and dry. He coughed lightly and moved to sit up. Hands belonging to yet unknown persons helped steady him as he did so._ _

__

__Hermione conjured him a goblet of water and silently held it out to him. He accepted it gratefully and tried to mask the trembling in his hands as he emptied it. He squinted at Hermione._ _

__

__"Glasses?" His voice sounded much smoother._ _

__

__"They must be in your room somewhere," Hermione speculated, "Ron said you weren't wearing them when you opened the door. And, well, we can't get them for you."_ _

__

__Hardy sighed and patted his pockets, but he didn't have his wand either. It was probably still on his desk. He rubbed a hand over his eyes as he tried to remember what exactly had happened. One thing was certain, his door would still be open._ _

__

__"Summon them, please?"_ _

__

__Hermione blinked, probably wondering why she hadn't considered that, and quickly summoned his glasses for him._ _

__

__Glasses settled firmly on his nose and his world in focus once more, he looked around. He was sitting on a couch in the common room. Hermione and Ron were gazing at him worriedly. He also saw Dean and Seamus watching from nearby as well as Malfoy, who was sitting on the far side of the room reading a book. The room was empty otherwise. He wondered if Ron and Hermione had cleared it, but didn’t really care that much. He was just incredibly glad that nobody else seemed to be there._ _

__

__He looked back at Ron and Hermione, "What time is it? And what, er, day is it?" He looked between his two friends, feeling completely out of sorts. He was glad that his head wasn't hurting much anymore, but he felt exhausted._ _

__

__Hermione's gaze was growing increasingly worried._ _

__

__"It's Sunday night and," Ron checked his watch before continuing, "8:17. If you didn't come to in another few minutes, we were going to take you to Madam Pomfrey." Ron settled a little more comfortably on the couch now that it seemed like Harry wasn't going to pass out again._ _

__

__"You really scared us, Harry." And just like that, Harry was feeling guilty. He didn't know what happened and it wasn't like he had meant to do it on purpose, so why did she have to make it sound like he had passed out intentionally? He sighed and dropped his head onto the back of the couch._ _

__

__Hermione moved to sit beside Ron and she laced their fingers together. Ron smiled at her before looking back at Harry. "So, what happened? I mean, I know you were mad but... you just got this really intense look on your face, you reached out towards me and... passed out," Ron frowned thoughtfully, "Not that you looked well before that, mind you."_ _

__

__"Thanks, Ron. Very helpful," Harry said irritably._ _

__

__Ron grunted as Hermione elbowed him in the ribs and stared at him pointedly._ _

__

__Harry shrugged one shoulder indifferently. "I guess I slept all weekend. Getting up suddenly probably just freaked out my body." He ignored the flabbergasted look on Hermione's face as she muttered, "slept _all _weekend?", and called for Kreacher.___ _

____ _ _

____Kreacher popped up at the side of the couch and bowed to Harry._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Master called Kreacher? What can Kreacher do for Master?" Kreacher's eyes skimmed the room, he managed to pass over Ron and Hermione without insult, he had become so much more lenient towards them since he had been given Regulus' locket. His eyes moved past Dean and Seamus until he spotted Malfoy off in his own corner._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Kreacher gasped and loudly exclaimed, "Master Malfoy!" Malfoy's eyebrow rose as his attention was pulled from the book in his lap to the house elf who was bowing, scraping, and looking fit to burst with excitement. "Master Malfoy comes from such a pure family, it would be such an honor to serve young master Malfoy... what may Kreacher do to be of service to one so honorable?"_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Kreacher was sniveling in his excitement. He was trembling so much that even the white hair coming out of his ears was vibrating._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Harry snorted and addressed the excited elf._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"Kreacher, I seem to have missed dinner, would you please get me something to eat?" Harry's eyes drifted over to Malfoy, who Kreacher was still staring at in awe, "anything you'd like Malfoy? You'd best ask for something, he might suffer heart failure if you refuse."_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____A wry smirk played across Harry's mouth as everybody waited for Malfoy's response._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Malfoy's other eyebrow rose to meet the first as his gaze flickered up to meet Harry's. Closing the book in his lap, he stood and strolled towards Harry and Kreacher. He gazed down at the elf who was quivering in mid-bow, "I would love some more of tonight's chocolate soufflé."_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Malfoy smirked in amusement at Ron's gaping mouth before his eyes lifted once more to Harry's. Harry smiled up at him and gestured for Malfoy to sit in the adjacent arm chair. He gracefully dropped into the chair, his grey eyes taking in Harry's bare torso._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"New tattoo, Potter?" Malfoy's eyes traced over his forearm. Harry nodded and skimmed his fingers over the green scales of the basilisk. A shiver ran down his spine and his eyes widened. The ink on his skin was... _moving _. The large snake was shifting under his skin, contracting slowly, and flicking out its long tongue.___ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______"Well _that's _new," his voice sounded shocked as he stared at his arm. The feeling of the tattoo as it moved... well it felt like there was a live snake moving against his skin. It was cool, slick and there was a distinct feeling of latent power moving against his skin.___ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You didn’t know the tattoo was there?” Hermione looked as though her eyes were about to bug out of her head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry rolled his eyes, “I knew it was there. It just hasn’t moved before…” He trailed off, still watching the snake._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"It's moving?" Hermione sounded awed and even Ron looked interested._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I've never heard of moving tattoos. I mean.... not that tattoos are common in the wizarding world." There was a pregnant pause as all eye flicked towards Malfoy. He continued to sit calmly, his face settled into an expressionless mask._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kreacher returned with a loud crack, breaking the tension as he delivered a heaping plate of food to Harry. He then shuffled forward in an awkward bow, a small ramekin raised before him. His snout-like nose almost brushing the carpet, her murmured, "A fresh soufflé for Master Malfoy, sir. Only the best for the ancient and noble house of Malfoy, oh, how Kreacher would love to be serving the Malfoy's... they move with a dignity and grace befitting their station..."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Malfoy's eyebrows rose once more and he glanced towards the couch only to find Harry smirking in amusement while Ron and Hermione looked thunderous. Malfoy thanked the elf - earning him a bemused look from Hermione - and Kreacher vanished with a small pop._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What the hell is going on in this castle," Ron sounded shocked and Harry looked up to find him staring incredulously between Harry, Malfoy, and Malfoy's dessert._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry started to eat the food that was now settled on his lap. "Kreacher's always loved the Malfoy's, you know this, Ron." He turned towards Malfoy to explain. "My house elf thinks you are a proper family and he has wanted to serve a family of purebloods who possess,” he paused, looking for the right word, “proper wizarding pride. He has been forced to serve half-bloods, blood traitors and muggle-borns for much too long, as far as he's concerned. Not that a shorter amount of time would have seemed acceptable to him," he added thoughtfully._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Malfoy smirked, though it looked much more amused than snide, "Well your elf clearly has excellent taste, Potter."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Ron sputtered indignantly, clearly at a loss for words as Malfoy tucked into his dessert._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Hermione, obviously coming to her senses and predicting an explosion added, "It's nice that Kreacher's been better lately. He's been much more helpful than he used to be... and far less insulting." She settled her hand on Ron's thigh and squeezed in warning._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Ron seemed to get the message and slowly shut his mouth. He glared balefully at Malfoy before pointedly turning his attention back to Harry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"So, if you slept all weekend, when did you get the tattoo? Nobody saw you leave. And where could you have gotten it? I don't know if any magical tattoo shops, and the fact that it moves," he cast a rather disgusted look at the serpent before continuing, "means it wasn't done by any muggles. Right?" He glanced at Hermione for confirmation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Hermione nodded as Harry set aside his mostly empty plate and gazed at Ron. "I didn't leave."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________His friends stared at him in shock. He felt the urge to laugh, but knew it wouldn't reassure them that he was fine._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"You know I got all the necessary supplies a few weeks ago, that I've been reading up on it, and I thought I told you about my impromptu lesson at that muggle shop. I did it on Friday before I went to bed. Honestly, you guys, I'm fine. I just slept longer than I realized and missed a few meals. I'm fine." He held up his hand so Hermione could see that his shaking had stopped._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She noted the steadiness but still looked concerned. "I still think you should go see Madam Pomfrey. You haven't seemed yourself. Maybe you've caught something."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I think I just needed some food and water. I'm feeling loads better," this was mostly true, his head was no longer hurting and he felt mostly alert. "I'm just glad I had already finished my homework," he gave them a dry smile which seemed to help Hermione feel better, as it eased most of the worry and shock off her face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________If Harry was feeling well enough to joke about homework, of all things, he must be doing all right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"If you're sure, Harry. I still think you should go to the hospital wing, just so Madam Pomfrey can check you over," she looked at him earnestly. "Will you go see her? We can walk with you."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry shook his head. "I'll go," he refrained from rolling his eyes, "but I don't need an escort. I've been there so many times I could find my way even if I were deaf and blind."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Hermione eyed him sharply before nodding at him. She tugged on Ron's hand as she stood up, "Well, if you're sure you can make it on your own... Ron still needs to finish his transfiguration essay."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Ron looked up at her, a look of confusion on his face, "But we already finish.... oh!" A grin graced his lips, lighting his face. "Right you are, still need another 7 inches or so, yeah?" Hermione flushed at the visible leer on Ron's face and dragged him off towards the dorms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Malfoy pretended to gag around his spoon. "That was more than I ever wanted to know about Weasley's anatomy. Does he know how to be subtle at all?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry gave him a wry smile as Dean and Seamus moved to join them. Seamus supplied the answer to Malfoy's question._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Nope. Never. I don't think he has it in him," he shuddered, "not that I needed to think about Hermione having it in _her _. Ugh. Girls are gross." He kissed Dean lightly on the cheek, clearly happy in his current situation. Dean smiled back at him.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Malfoy glared at the couple. "Thanks for that visual, Finnegan." He looked completely repulsed. "Of all the heterosexual couples you could have brought up, it had to be them?" A shudder wracked his thin frame._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry grimaced, "They really don't do subtle well. Even though they’re happy, it is not something I ever want to think about, so why are we still discussing it?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Merlin, _please _, let's talk about _anything _else," Malfoy moaned piteously._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"So, if not Ron and Hermione, Malfoy, who would you like to think about?" Dean's lips quirked into a sly smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Malfoy grimaced, though a blush brightened his pale cheeks. He glanced at Harry instead, "Didn't you need to be getting to the hospital wing, Potter?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Oh no, Malfoy," inserted Dean, cutting off whatever annoyed remark Harry had been about to make, "you _have _to tell us now." Seamus was nodding vigorously, a mischievous smile playing on his own lips.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"We can all say who we think about when we wank. all's fair, and all of that."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Malfoy's gaze flicked between the three Gryffindors. "Well that's hardly fair, now, is it? We all know who you think about. Each other," Dean and Seamus beamed at one another before sharing a quick kiss. Draco's eyes drifted to Harry, "And probably the she-Weasel."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Dean laughed so hard that he snorted. Harry glared at him, and grumbled under his breath before bellowing, "You shagged her, too, you bastard!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________That derailed Dean's laughter but Seamus started sniggering at the grimace on Dean's face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"But I moved on to something way better." He began nuzzling into Seamus' ear before smirking at Harry, "So who have you moved on to?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Harry stiffened before settling his face into a smile, hoping all the while that it didn't look as forced as it felt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"How could you have forgotten already? You're running away with me, remember? We're going to Italy so you can sketch me while I’m naked and draped over a silken chaise."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Dean was leering at Harry while Seamus laughed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Harry pouted and looked over at Malfoy who had been watching the exchange with interest. "You see what I have to put up with?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco opened his mouth and closed it slowly. "So..." he lifted one elegant brow, "I take it that you think of these two while you wank?" He waved a negligent hand at the couple on the couch. "Surely, witches everywhere will mourn the knowledge that the boy who lived is gay. Quite the tragedy... for the witches, at least." He took a bite of his soufflé and pulled the spoon slowly out of his mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________The three Gryffindors froze, staring at Malfoy warily, but Malfoy only had eyes for Harry. Harry hoped that he hadn't made a grave mistake by inviting Malfoy to join them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He swallowed hard and figured he should go ahead and own up to what he had determined over the summer. The wizarding world would find out one way or another, though he hoped Malfoy had changed enough to refrain from giving the information to the press._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Staring hard at the arm of Malfoy's armchair, Harry took a deep breath and refuted Malfoy’s comment. "I'm not gay. I'm... bisexual." A red flush rose up Harry's neck, staining his cheeks for his honesty._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Malfoy nodded slowly, "Nothing wrong with that, Potter. I prefer a hard cock myself." He smoothed down his shirt, his fingers brushing the front of his trousers before he scooped himself the last bite of soufflé._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Malfoy had successfully drawn the attention of the three Gryffindors and the sound of his spoon against porcelain was the only sound in the room. Dean and Seamus gaped at him. Harry met Malfoy's eye and they stared at each other._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Dean huffed out a laugh, "Merlin, this explains so much about you, Malfoy."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Malfoy cast him a haughty look. "I'd have better taste than you, even if I was straight, Thomas."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Malfoy stood and tucked his book under his arm. Settling his empty dish on top of Harry's plate, he waved a hand at the trio before him. Harry rather thought he looked like a monarch dismissing his subjects._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"As fun as this has been..." Malfoy trailed off meaningfully before heading off towards the dorms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"Well," said Harry, "That was odd." Dean and Seamus nodded, their eyes trailing Malfoy as he left the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this go round. I felt like it was too exhausting to make it any longer though. Enjoy! As always, leave comments, feedback and kudos! Thanks for reading!

Halloween dawned bright and clear, without a cloud in the sky. The hallways were a buzz with excited chatter and the smell of pumpkin was wafting through the classrooms. Everybody was excited for the feast that night. Everybody, it seemed, besides Harry. 

He hadn’t slept at all the night before and he felt like a zombie. He had never had such a hard time on Halloween, not even the year he learned that the holiday was the anniversary of his parent’s deaths. He had been sad then. Miserable, depressed, melancholy. This year seemed infinitely worse.

Every time he blinked, he could see his parents faces, Lupin’s face, Sirius’ face. Merlin, he missed them, it felt as though there was a large stone settled in his chest. His head felt muzzy and he felt like he was shuffling with every step. His head throbbed in pain. Each throb reminding him that he was alive and alone. 

He tried to focus during classes but his mind kept wandering. He had seen his parents last spring and he couldn’t help wishing they were here now. He had been through so much – all he wanted was something constant. _Someone _constant. Hermione and Ron had always been there, but now they were so wrapped up in each other that he felt like they didn’t have time for him. They were moving on, together, and he was still stuck in the past.__

__He wondered if the past was the only place he fit in._ _

__He had been a horcrux. Nobody could possibly understand how it had felt to learn that. To know that he had to die... Merlin, he just wanted to see his parents again. Parents always knew what to do, right? They knew what to say to their children when they were struggling._ _

__His parents had loved him, but they had died. Then he found Sirius and Sirius had loved him and taken care of him as best he could. Remus had even stepped in to help. But neither of them were here, either. They had been taken from him. At one point, he knew the Weasley’s had counted him as a part of their family, but he had ruined that himself, last spring._ _

__Merlin, he wanted his parents. Both times he had seen them, in the graveyard when he was fourteen and then this last spring, they had brought him such comfort. He wanted that comfort now. He needed it. He felt as though a void were opening up inside of him, sucking away his ability to be happy, to laugh, to move forward._ _

__He had nothing to move forward _to _. Now that Riddle was dead, Harry had met his destiny. His life had been outlined by a prophecy. His whole life had been shaped, adjusted, and formatted to prepare him for that one event. And now it was over. He wasn’t fit to do anything else. Nothing felt right, he wasn’t fit to do anything.___ _

____Everybody was expecting him to be an auror, to continue fighting dark wizards. None of them really knew, though, how much that battle killed you inside._ _ _ _

____“Harry, can you hear me?”_ _ _ _

____Harry blinked, shaking his head as if he was dislodging water from his ears, he glanced around until he noticed Hermione watching him._ _ _ _

____“I asked if you were doing all right.” Harry glanced down at his plate to see that he had been mashing whatever food had been placed there into an unrecognizable pile of glop. Looking at his plate would have put him off his food – or, it would have if he had had any appetite to begin with._ _ _ _

____Harry shrugged and mashed his fork through his food again. Dropping the cutlery with a clatter, he stood. “I’ll see you later.” With a vague wave of his hand, he left the great hall and headed out onto the grounds. The sun warmed his head as he walked. He let his mind wander and he found himself walking towards the forest as though he was in a trance._ _ _ _

____He was barely aware of his surroundings as he walked through the trees. He traced the path that he had followed last spring until he found, once more, the emptied den that had once housed the forest’s acrumantula. He began searching the ground, kicking leaves away where they had landed in piles, even dropping to his knees to search through clumps of moss. He knew he was literally looking for a pebble in a forest but he couldn’t seem to stop himself._ _ _ _

____He searched, and searched, and searched, and came up empty. He rubbed his filthy hands over his face, unaware and uncaring of the dirt he was spreading. He was shaking and couldn’t seem to stop. His eyes began to burn and a lump rose in his throat._ _ _ _

____A sob escaped his lips as he fell to his knees in the middle of the clearing. “Mum. Dad,” his sobs echoed through the trees. Wrapping his arms around his head as he sobbed, his misery echoed through the trees around him, cocooning him in his own anguish._ _ _ _

____“Why couldn’t I have died, too? Why did I choose to come back?” - words screamed to the trees. Nothing had been worth it. He felt as though everything had gone from bad, to worse since the war ended. There had been a few weeks where things seemed to be getting better, but that had been an illusion._ _ _ _

____He wasn’t sure how long he knelt in the dirt but when he returned to himself, he found he was cold and stiff. Thinking he hadn’t moved for several hours, he slowly climbed to his feet and walked back to the castle. He passed quite a few people on his trek through the corridors, but nobody said a word to him, they simply stared._ _ _ _

____He figured he wouldn’t be so lucky when he finally made it to the common room and he wasn’t disappointed._ _ _ _

____“Harry!” Hermione rushed toward him and he saw Ron and Headmistress McGonagall right behind her. She reached for him and he shied away, staring at her as though he didn’t recognize her. Professor McGonagall gave him an appraising look._ _ _ _

____“Just where have you been, Mr. Potter?” Her tone made it clear that he would not be able to dodge an answer._ _ _ _

____Harry stared at her blankly for a moment. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He shut it and opened it again. His hand clenched into a fist and he stared at the floor, the barest whisper issuing from his lips._ _ _ _

____“I couldn’t find it. I looked, and looked, but I couldn’t find it.” He clenched his eyes shut as he felt the threatening burn of tears._ _ _ _

____“Couldn’t find what, Mr. Potter?” Hermione and Ron stared, sure they had never heard McGonagall speaking so softly and with such sympathy._ _ _ _

____“The stone, the stone. It’s gone. It’s mine but it’s gone.” His voice sounded broken and hollow. “I just wanted to see them again…” Harry quit speaking, as a lump grew in his throat._ _ _ _

____Hermione gasped, “Harry, you said you weren’t going to look for it again!” Her sharp tone caused Harry to flinch and take a step away from them._ _ _ _

____Professor McGonagall looked at Hermione, sharply. “Be quiet, Miss Granger.”_ _ _ _

____Harry glowered at Hermione before his face melted into an apathetic mask._ _ _ _

____“I apologize for worrying everyone.” Harry clenched his jaw tightly, the lump in his throat and the burn in his eyes effectively banished._ _ _ _

____“Mister Potter, if you would like to go and clean up,” the Headmistress’ eyes tuck in Harry’s complete and utter dishevelment, the dirt on his hands and face, and the redness of his eyes, “Perhaps you would then like to come down to the feast and have something to eat.” The unsated ‘you look like you could use a good meal’ was understood by all in the room._ _ _ _

____Harry glanced around the room to find that there were quite a few people watching their interaction. Some looked worried, others curious, and some even looked scared, but all were listening intently. It was the look of fear on the faces of his fellow students that did it for him. Nobody really wanted him down there. He would detract from the celebration that would be taking place._ _ _ _

____Harry shook his head, wondering why anybody bothered asking him to go. It wasn’t like anybody wanted him to be there, he would keep them from enjoying their evening._ _ _ _

____“That’s ok, Professor. I’m not really hungry,” he was too hollow inside for food to seem like any sort of a good idea._ _ _ _

____Harry was too busy staring at the wall over his friends’ shoulders to see the look of sadness wash over the Headmistress’ face. “What will you do then, Mister Potter? I would like it if you would remain within the castle.”_ _ _ _

____Harry’s whole body shuddered and his eyes looked dead. The flat sound of his voice caused everybody in the room to cringe, “Don’t worry, Professor. I’ll be in my room, making no noise, and pretending I’m not there.” He let out a sigh. “Wishing I’m not here.”_ _ _ _

____He stepped around them and walked off towards the stairs leading to the boys’ dorms. There were a few breathes of silence before hurried footsteps echoed his._ _ _ _

____“Harry, would you like me to stay up here with you? Maybe we could talk?” Hermione’s voice trailed after him but he didn’t answer. A moment later his door slammed._ _ _ _

____Hermione looked close to tears as she returned to Ron and curled into his side. “He hasn’t been this bad in _months _, Ron…”___ _ _ _

______Ron pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I know, Hermione. I know. But what can we do?” The couple stands there, staring at the staircase Harry vanished up and wondering what they could possibly do for their friend._ _ _ _ _ _

______Headmistress McGonagall looked down at the couple, her voice, when she spoke was crisp and cut through the silence like a knife. “Granger, Weasley. Come with me. We need to talk.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______She turned and exited the common room. Ron and Hermione exchanged worried glances before rushing to follow her. Nothing she had to say could be good at all._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry took a long shower and pulled on a pair of shorts before sitting in his desk chair. He pulled out a sketch pad and picked up a pencil. Not really knowing what he was going to draw, he set the lead to the paper and watched as it darted across the page._ _ _ _ _ _

______A long time later, he pulled his hand back and blinked down at what he had created. Within a frame of lilies was a noble stag, antlers reaching high. The stage was accompanied by a wolf and a large black dog. He stared at the page for a long time before he began to quietly sob._ _ _ _ _ _

______All he had ever wanted in life was a family to love him. That seemed to be the only thing he couldn’t find. He had money, fame, admirers, anything a person could want. Except for a family. His family had left him here and he had chosen to keep living. He wished he remembered why that was supposed to be a good thing._ _ _ _ _ _

______He fumbled for a moment pulling a bunch of vials of ink towards him. Doing this upside down was going to be a challenge, but he didn’t care. He wanted to always have something with him to remind him of the people who had loved him most. Flipping his sketch upside down to help him reorient himself to what he would be doing, he popped the cork out of the black ink and muttered the incantation. Setting the tip of his wand against his skin, he began to song-like incantation that would burn the image into his skin permanently._ _ _ _ _ _

______The pain cleared his head and helped him focus on what he was doing, the blooms of the lilies were unique, each blossom varied in color, shape, and size. He spent a long time working on the stag’s antlers and even longer working on the fur of the canines. Time faded away, leaving him in his own bubble of pain, both emotional and physical, as he carved his family into his skin._ _ _ _ _ _

______He wasn’t as careful to heal himself as he went, a part of him relished the pain and was glad of it. The pain kept him distracted and helped him focus on his task. The moon was shining high in the sky by the time Harry finished and settled his wand on his desk. He stood and strode into his bathroom, curious about how it had turned out._ _ _ _ _ _

______He stared at his handiwork, a lump in his throat as he brushed his fingers over the images. They had come out well and he wondered if they would move as the basilisk did. They were framed across the left side of his chest, beneath his heart and also beneath the scar from the second killing curse he had survived. That scar zig zagged across his chest, stretching from his heart, almost to his navel._ _ _ _ _ _

______He returned to his room and stood in front of his open window, relishing the cold breeze on his hot skin. Eventually, he climbed into bed. Fingering the shapes now present across his ribs, he once more succumbed to the grief that had been howling within him his whole life. He fell into sleep, finally having sobbed his way to complete and utter exhaustion._ _ _ _ _ _


	12. Chapter 12

Draco was wondering how he should make his move. He wanted to present the gift to Potter in front of everybody, so that people would know he was changing, but he knew people would think he was a suck up, just like his father, if he did that. He knew what he needed to do to get closer to Potter, it was just the method that he was struggling with. 

He huffed out a put-upon sigh and climbed out of bed. He didn’t know what time it was, just that it was exceptionally late and that he couldn’t sleep. He pulled on his soft, Slytherin green robe and slipped quietly out of his room, taking care not to disturb Blaise. The man was a nightmare if you disturbed his beauty sleep. Not that Draco was any different. He just didn’t sleep as much as he used to. 

He descended the staircase slowly, his mind worrying the problem that was Potter. He came level with Potter’s door and his whole body shuddered violently. The hallway next to Potter’s door was _freezing _. He pulled his robe more snuggly around himself just as Potter’s door opened.__

__Draco yelped in surprise, sounding like a crup that had been trod upon. The icy blast of air that escaped Potter’s door did nothing to help ease his discomfort that being up in the middle of the night caused. Potter stood there, rooted to the spot, staring at him, until his mouth appeared to catch up with his brain._ _

__“Dra- Malfoy? What are you doing up at this hour?” Potter’s eyebrows drew together as he studied Draco’s face. Draco wondered what was drawing so much of Potter’s focus. Did he have something on his face? Did he have big bags under his eyes?_ _

__Draco shrugged in an attempt at nonchalance. “Couldn’t sleep. You?” Judging by the shadows under Potter’s eyes and the way his skin seemed rather sunken in his face, he presumed Potter hadn’t been sleeping either. Draco couldn’t imagine how anybody could sleep if their room was as cold as Potter’s was. Another shudder wracked his frame and he wrapped his arms more tightly around himself._ _

__Potter nodded once, his eyes still examining Draco with an intensity that had Draco shifting uncomfortably._ _

__“Well,” Draco started, “Your room is fucking cold and I’m freezing. I’m going to go sit by the fire.” He started down the hall, tossing an invitation over his shoulder in what he hoped was a collected tone. “Join me?”_ _

__Draco thought that Potter almost smiled as he shut his door and made to follow Draco towards the common room. Draco picked his favorite armchair and pulled it close to the fire. But _merlin, _he didn’t know how Potter hadn’t frozen his balls off, he was wearing nothing but a pair of shorts and trainers as he flopped down onto the chair closest to Draco’s.___ _

____“Nightmares?” Draco glanced away from the fire to meet Potter’s eyes. They were dark as the fire threw shadows across his face, hiding most of his expression from Draco’s view. His voice was even, giving nothing away._ _ _ _

____“No.” Draco answered quietly. “I’ve been debating about… how to do something.”_ _ _ _

____“Draco Malfoy, unsure of himself? I didn’t think that was possible,” Potter’s tone was all dry humor. “Must have to do with a girl,” he paused a moment before correcting himself, “Or a boy, I suppose. Sorry.”_ _ _ _

____Draco snorted lightly and grinned at Potter, though his smile faded a moment later. Maybe now would work. Potter didn’t seem to be unhappy with him, he hadn’t done anything towards him all year that might be considered unkind. He sucked in a deep breath and gathered all the courage he possessed._ _ _ _

____Ignoring the fact that he was about to display a Gryffindor quality, he plunged ahead._ _ _ _

____“I just wanted to… apologize. For my behavior, last spring. When you came to see me,” he clarified. Heavens, he rambled when he was nervous. “I was just shocked and, and – I don’t think I had really come to terms with everything that had happened. So... I let myself fall back into old habits,” Potter didn’t as he sat, cloaked in darkness, he merely watched Draco as he spoke, apparently listening with rapt attention._ _ _ _

____“I – if you’ll let me – I’d like to try again. I’d like to accept your offer. If it’s still there, that is. And I have a token - a gift, to prove my sincerity. I’d like to be… friends. If you’ll have me.” He cut himself off before he continued to ramble and, in his nerves, allow the things he really wanted to spill from his mouth. The real things he’d like to be with Potter. Not just friends. Lovers. Companions. Husbands. Merlin he was a bloody prat. He closed his eyes as mortification swamped him. Of course Potter wouldn't want to be his friend..._ _ _ _

____He bowed his head, nerves swarming his stomach even as he swallowed nervously in the growing silence._ _ _ _

____“Draco…” Potter’s voice was full of an emotion that Draco couldn’t name. He lifted his head quickly to see that Potter had stood and was moving closer. He stopped once he was standing before Draco. He stood there for a moment before he held out his hand, offering it for Draco to take._ _ _ _

____Draco couldn’t help it. He grinned like an idiot as he clasped hands with Potter. He felt it as Potter shuddered at the touch of his fingers._ _ _ _

____“Geez, you weren’t kidding. You _are _fucking freezing.” Potter’s fingers were hot in his own, just as warm as the fire beside them._ _ _ _ __

____“You’re like a fucking furnace! And you aren’t even wearing any clothes,” Draco whined, “It’s not fair.”_ _ _ _

____Potter was close enough that Draco could see a playful glint enter his eyes a moment before he felt himself being yanked to his feet by the hand that Potter still held._ _ _ _

____Draco gasped as Potter’s arms slipped beneath his robe to wrap around his waist. Even through his pajamas, Draco could feel the heat of Potter’s body. He shuddered pleasantly. If felt as though he had just stepped into a warm bath. He felt no shame at all as he tucked his cold nose into the shorter boy’s neck._ _ _ _

____He moaned softly, “I should transfigure you into a blanket. Then I’d never be cold again.” He felt Potter’s chest jerk and he presumed that Potter was trying not to laugh. “But really,” he continued in a more serious voice, “how _are _you so warm? Why aren’t you freezing?”___ _ _ _

______Draco felt Potter shrug even as he felt Potter’s fingers swirling lazily across his back. “I just run on hot, all the time. Sometimes I get overheated in the uniform. I’m really excited for the weather to turn cold again, I’m hoping it’ll help. So, I like to run in the early morning when it’s still cold out. I feel better afterwards.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“That’s where I was headed when I found you screeching in the hallway.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco shoved Potter hard and glared at him as Potter smirked cheekily. “I was not _screeching _. Malfoys, do not screech. I expressed my shock as you practically ran into me in the hallway.”___ _ _ _ _ _

________Potter caught his balance and continued to grin. “Whatever you have to tell yourself, Malfoy. Anyway, I need to get going or I won’t be done in time to shower before breakfast.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco stared at Potter’s back as he moved towards the portrait hole. “You don’t even _go _to breakfast, Potter.” Potter paused and glanced at Draco over his shoulder. “No,” he answered softly, “I don’t, do I?” He eyed Draco for another long moment before he disappeared from sight, the portrait hole closing behind him with a soft click.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco stared after Potter for a long moment before he grinned widely and headed back up to bed. That had gone even better than he expected. Maybe he could finally get to sleep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Potter didn’t show up for breakfast in the great hall, not that Draco had expected him to. He had gathered up the box he had prepared for Potter and he planned to carry it with him until he saw Potter again. Now that they had agreed to be friends, it didn’t matter what other’s thought his motives were._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It was during morning break that Draco first found Potter. He was talking quidditch with Andrews in the corridor when he walked up. Andrews eyes him speculatively and Potter gave him a small smile. He walked up to the pair and inclined his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’ve got something for you here, Potter,” He lifted a rather large box and held it out. His eyes flicked briefly towards Andrews, “You will probably like it as well, Andrews.” Potter accepted the box with a curious look on his face, he slowly began opening the box as Draco and Andrews watched silently._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Potter stared inside the box for a full minute before he looked up at Draco, his eyes alight with curiosity. “The quidditch pitch?” Draco nodded and began to explain._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________There are four teams of figures who you can enchant to echo their human counterparts. You can replay matches this way to study strategy, form, and tactics as well as use it to demonstrate new moves and tactics during training.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Andrew’s expression became instantly more interested as Potter gaped at Draco. “This is…” Potter swallowed. “This is really excellent, Malfoy. Thank you.” Merlin, but how did Potter manage to sound so sincere over such trivial things?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco stuck his nose in the air in a semblance of his old, arrogant attitudes, “Well, now that you can’t play and ruin our chances, I’d like to see Slytherin take the quidditch cup this year.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Andrews grinned and the expression took on a very predatory look. “Oh, we will be, Malfoy. We’re Slytherins. Nothing will stand in our way.” Potter cast him an exasperated look to spoke of many previous conversations that echoed this one._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I told you I will not condone cheating. If you cheat you’ll be penalized, same as anybody else.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Andrew’s rolled his eyes. “It’s all for the cause, Harry. We’ve been over this. You do what it takes to win.” Potter rolled his eyes in return. “And I’ve told you, if you don’t win through skill, what’s the point?” He glanced at his watch and cursed, while Andrews gazed at him in amusement, “Sorry, I’m due in charms.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Potter hurried away, leaving Andrews and Draco standing together in the hall. Draco was watching Andrew’s face and it dawned on him that there was something more beneath the amusement in his gaze._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Holy shit, you want to get into Potter’s pants!” Draco spoke before he had realized the thought had even crossed his mind._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Andrews glanced at him, looking exceptionally unimpressed with Draco’s social skills. “What’s it to you whether I do or don’t?” Draco flushed lightly at his own lack of control over his mouth and eyed Andrews speculatively._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He didn’t know much about him other than that he seemed rather popular among the Slytherins and there was talk that he was going to help Slytherin reclaim the quidditch cup. He and Potter seemed to be together a lot… maybe he would be a good option for Potter as somebody to date._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“We all know Potter’s as observant as a brick wall. I could help you get him to go out with you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Andrews' eyes narrowed as he contemplated Draco’s offer. “What’s in it for you? Why would you care who Potter dates and why would you help me?” Draco knew Potter could do with a Slytherin in his life. They would help him ask the right questions and wouldn’t let anybody push him around. He nodded to himself before effecting a nonchalant shrug._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Potter would do anything for somebody he cares about. What better way to keep Slytherin in his good graces and firmly behind his protective nature? Surely, you’re fully aware of the ridiculous position the Weaselette has placed the Gryffindor quidditch team in. They don’t even have Potter helping train them. That can’t make Potter want to help them very much, considering they’ve turned on him.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I’m not sure I buy your reasoning, but I’ll think about it.” Andrews smirked at Draco. “I’m pretty sure I can manage to get to Potter all by myself. How desperate do you think I am?” The smirk turned into a sneer that would have made Draco proud of his house-mate had it been pointed at anybody else._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco smirked, utilizing his ‘Malfoy Mask’ that he hadn’t relied upon in ages. “We will see, Andrews. We will see. You’ll come to me soon enough looking for help. You don’t know Potter like I do.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________And with that, he vanished with a flourish of his robes and his head held high. It felt odd, he thought. I hadn’t behaved that way in… longer than he could easily recall. The attitude and motions fit like a comfortable pair of robes, but he had grown unused to the feel - he had spent so much time lately trying _not _to draw attention to himself.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________His life had turned around so completely from what he had grown up believing and expecting. He shrugged off his maudlin thoughts and hurried to arithmancy. He didn’t want to know what would happen if he was late again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco fiddled idly with his fork during dinner. He wasn’t sure if Andrews would be a good match for Potter. But he supposed it would be a good test run. He could see if Potter was willing to date at all, at least. Maybe it would help him figure out how to do a better job of it once he did find the perfect person for Harry. He was sure he would mess up at least once or twice before he got it right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He jumped as a body suddenly dropped into the seat next to his. Nobody _ever _sat beside him. He blinked and his eyes brought Potter’s face into focus. Potter smiled at him, nothing big, just the upturn of his lips - it was rare to see Potter really smile anymore - but Draco knew he was lucky to have even that small expression bestowed upon him.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He gripped his fork more tightly and speared a piece of fish, popping it into his mouth and wondering if he had looked as troubled as he had been feeling a few moments earlier. He watched as Potter filled himself a plate. Draco wondered if he would actually eat it. He had eaten lunch today – for no other reason than to fuel his body for quidditch practices – because he had expended energy running that morning, Draco had been watching him for too long to not know the motive behind his eating habits._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco knew that Potter never genuinely ate two meals a day. Draco often wondered how Potter managed to stay upright with how active he was compared to how little he seemed to eat and sleep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He finished his bite before throwing an offhand comment out as Potter forked a piece of pork into his mouth, “You know, Potter, if you’re just going to vanish that out of your mouth when you think I’m not looking, you should save yourself the bother._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco tried not to smirk as Potter choked on his food. He reached over and gave him a few harsh slaps on the back. Draco had composed his expression into one of casual indifference by the time Potter lifted his streaming eyes to glare at him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“What?” Potter managed to rasp out, even as he sucked in deep lungsful of air._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco waited for him to get a better grip on his breathing before he repeated himself. Glancing around and noting that they had drawn what felt like every eye in the great hall, he dropped his voice, “I said don’t bother pretending to eat. I know you ate lunch. Although,” Draco continued, casting a calculating eye over Potter, “you _should _eat more. But I’m not your mother, Potter, I won’t nag you about it.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He couldn’t harp on about it to Potter, there were many days where he never had an appetite either. The difference was that there wasn’t anybody around to care if Draco wasn't eating. His mother wouldn't approve, but she wasn't here to force the matter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco ate a few more bites as Potter sat silently beside him. Draco wondered how long he could keep it up. Potter had never been the kind to stay silent for long._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I…” Potter cleared his throat before continuing, “You know?” Potter's voice held an odd tone and Draco met Potter’s gaze, feeling rather confused to see guilt there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco nodded and scooped the last bite of food off his plate. “Yup.” He drew the word out and ended it with a loud pop._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Potter stared at him bemusedly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I just… I don’t want people to worry. I’m fine,” Potter justified, his expression turning hard and unforgiving. “Everybody is always looking at me like…” Potter’s jaw clenched as he cut himself of._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Like what? Like they love you? Like they hate you? Like they wish they _were _you?” Draco scooped some apple crumble onto his plate and served Potter some treacle tart.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Potter shifted agitatedly beside him before picking up his fork and stabbing at the tart with unnecessary force. “Like they pity me, or think I’m going to snap.” The muttered admission was barely loud enough to reach Draco’s ears._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Draco eyed the boy sitting beside him, his shoulders tense and unyielding, even as he slid a bite of tart between his lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Well sod what anybody else thinks. Do what you like, Potter. You always have before, haven’t you?” He calmly met Potter’s gaze when it snapped back onto his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Potter froze and slowly swallowed the bite of tart he had in his mouth before he answered. “No. I haven’t actually. I’ll see you later, Draco, alright?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________And with that Potter had vanished again. Draco stared after him bemusedly, wondering what he had meant by that. Potter had _always _done what he wanted. And he hadn’t even been kicked out of school. Draco could have done much less than Potter and been expelled for it.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco ate the rest of his pudding before heading out of the great hall, not noticing the appraising glances he was receiving from many people, or the calculating stare that Andrew’s had trained on him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support guys! Please leave comments, feedback and suggestions! I'd love to hear from you.
> 
> XOXO

“Malfoy, come join us!” Harry was sitting with Ron and Hermione in the common room. He had just been trounced by Ron, _again _in a game of chess. Hermione had been buried behind a large copy of Lewis Sporeman’s Guide to Poisonous Plants, but looked up quickly as she registered Harry’s words.__

__Malfoy, who, from the look of it had been about to head up to the boy’s dorms, turned and joined the trio, his eyes wary as he looked at Ron and Hermione before he sat down beside Harry on the couch. Harry stood, moved to Malfoy’s other side, and nudged him until he shifted to take Harry’s seat in front of the chess board._ _

__Harry smiled at Malfoy who was eyeing him warily, while Ron was gaping, his eyes traveling from Harry to Malfoy and back again._ _

__“It’s your turn to play chess with Ron. He insists I play with him and, I’ll be honest, I’m just terrible.” Harry stretched his arms high over his head and slid down into the couch cushions, the picture of contentment._ _

__They were several days into their new friendship but Malfoy hadn’t spent any time with Harry while Ron and Hermione were around. Harry thought Malfoy looked rather uncomfortable with the new development, but figured that Ron and Hermione were going to have to learn that Malfoy had changed at some point. Sooner rather than later sounded good to Harry._ _

__Ron and Hermione had been making more of an effort to spend time with him since Halloween. Harry didn’t know why, but it had been nice to spend more time with them, but he wanted to be friends with Malfoy and that meant that Ron and Hermione were going to have to get over their issues._ _

__Malfoy watched Ron’s face morph from incredulous to confused to angry. A flush rose up, coloring his face until it nearly matched his hair._ _

__“Careful, Weasley, you might bust a brain cell, and then you wouldn’t have any to use to lose to me at chess,” Malfoy smirked, though his eyes lacked the frigidity of hatred._ _

__Ron’s mouth dropped open and he mouthed soundlessly before managing a strangled, “What the hell, Harry. I’m not playing you at chess, Malfoy!”_ _

__Harry rolled his eyes and pulled a transfiguration text out of his bag. He exchanged glances with Hermione as he opened it to pick up where he had left off._ _

__“You’re loss, Ron. Malfoy’s excellent at chess. Aren’t you, Draco? But if you don’t think you can beat him,” Harry shrugged and vanished behind his book, listening to Ron splutter in indignation and trying not to smile._ _

__“I’ll even let you be white, Weasley. But I won’t tell you I’ll go easy on you. What fun would that be?” Malfoy settled more comfortably into the couch, happy enough to play a game of chess with Ron so long as Harry was sitting beside him._ _

__“I’m not about to play chess with a fucking Death Eater!” Ron jumped to his feet, yelling loud enough to silence everybody in the room. Malfoy’s face paled, his pursed lips holding in whatever response he wanted to make._ _

__Hermione was gaping at them all as Harry leapt to his feet, matching Ron’s volume, “Don’t you dare call him that! We fought so hard to end the war, not to propagate prejudices ourselves! We didn’t fight to keep everybody divided. We fought to bring people together.” Harry’s chest was heaving, though he felt as though he couldn’t breathe._ _

__Ron’s anger was derailed as he stared at Harry incredulously. “But it’s _Malfoy _, Harry! He hates us! He tried to kill you! He tried to kill all of us! And you just expect me to get over that?” His voice dropped to a deadly whisper, “To _forgive _that? He’s let Death Eater’s into Hogwarts! It’s his fault Bill was attacked!”_____ _

______Harry’s voice dripped with venom as he hissed at Ron, unaware of the fact that they had the full attention of everybody in the room. “Yes, I do. He’s not the same person he was before. Everything he did was to protect his family. It was his Father’s choices that meant he was on Voldemort’s side of the war, not his own. The same way that it was because of your Parent’s choices that you were on Dumbledore’s side. On my side,” he heaved in a deep breath, “the war is over. There are no more sides.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He glanced at Malfoy to find him staring at him in shock, his mouth open. Harry clenched his jaw before sitting beside Malfoy again and hiding his face behind his book once more. Malfoy continued to stare and was the only one who could see the red flush lighting Harry’s cheeks and creeping up his neck._ _ _ _ _ _

______Ron clenched and unclenched his fists as he stood, staring at Harry until Hermione reached out to touch his arm lightly. He jumped and looked down at her. She gave him the barest shake of the head, her eyes bright as they drifted over towards Harry who was hidden behind his book._ _ _ _ _ _

______Ron slowly sat back down and looked over at Malfoy. He tried to smile, Malfoy thought it looked rather painful, and motioned to the chessboard. “Shall we?” He even sounded like he was in pain._ _ _ _ _ _

______Malfoy shifted in his seat, glanced at Harry, Hermione, and Harry once more before nodding slowly. “Sure, Weasley... If you can stand losing to a Death Eater.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hermione, watching carefully, noted the proverbial olive branch that was Malfoy owning up to what he was. What he had been. Ron’s eye twitched, but he nodded, jaw tight, and made the first move._ _ _ _ _ _

______The silence was broken as their classmates began to whisper and talk again, lessening the tension in the room, if not around the small group. Hermione went back to her book after several minutes when nothing more happened than a quiet game of chess._ _ _ _ _ _

______It was some time later that Ron swore loudly, making both Harry and Hermione jump. “Two out of three, Malfoy. And stop cheating!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry looked up in time to see Malfoy sniff haughtily, “As if I would have to cheat to beat you, Weasley. You play just like a Gryffindor. So predictable,” he shifted on the couch, getting comfortable as Ron set up another game._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry stretched again and dropped onto the floor, leaning back against the couch, his shoulder brushing gently against Malfoy’s knee. Malfoy glanced down at what Harry was reading and did a double take. Since when did Potter study such advanced transfiguration?_ _ _ _ _ _

______His attention was quickly brought back to the chess game as Ron grunted impatiently._ _ _ _ _ _

______Time passed quickly and before anybody knew what was happening, Harry and Hermione both jumped as Ron crowed in exultation._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Two out of three, Weasley. If you can’t do it twice, it doesn’t count. We’re tied now. Third game wins all.” His eyes were flashing in challenge,_ _ _ _ _ _

______The two boys quickly sobered and started another game. Harry’s jaw cracked as he yawned widely. He closed his eyes and rolled his head, releasing several pops from his neck before he rested his head against Malfoy’s knee with his eyes closed. Malfoy’s leg twitched slightly, but he gave no other indication that he had noticed the new weight._ _ _ _ _ _

______Their last game took the longest to complete, as both boys spent twice as long as they normally would to ponder each move. Malfoy was pretty sure that Harry had fallen asleep against his knee, so he tried his hardest not to move and disturb him. He touched Harry’s hair with the barest hint of contact. He just needed to know what it felt like._ _ _ _ _ _

______Ron glared at the board, darting a glance at Malfoy only to see him smiling slyly at him. “Finally figured out that you’ve already lost?” Malfoy drawled pleasantly._ _ _ _ _ _

______Ron scowled and moved his knight, which was quickly taken by Malfoy’s queen. Two turns later had Ron scowling at the board while Malfoy laughed lightly. “Good game, Weasley. We’ll have to do it again, sometime. You might be able to beat me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry jerked upright, blinking owlishly behind his glasses, “Wha’time’s it?” He scrubbed his face roughly, dislodging his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hermione peered over her book to look down at Harry. “Just after 7.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry shot to his feet, cursing loudly. “Sorry, guys, I’m late for practice.” He turned and ran up the stairs to his room. He quickly pulled on his quidditch robes and grabbed his broom before running back down the stairs. He was halfway through the common room before Malfoy hollered at him, “Potter, don’t forget the model!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry skidded to a halt, looked over at Malfoy for a few seconds before turning and running back to his room. He picked up the box that Malfoy had given him a few days prior and ran back out, jumping the last few steps in his haste. He passed his friends and shouted a hasty, “Thanks,” to Malfoy before vanishing out the portrait hole so that he could make it to the Ravenclaw’s quidditch practice._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______Harry returned several hours later, covered in mud, totally exhausted, but well pleased with the progress they had made during practice. He shifted his grip on the box with his model quidditch pitch so that he didn’t drop it. He was intercepted on his way to his dorm by Ron, who looked rather aggravated._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry eyed him warily as he approached, “What’s up, Ron?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why did I play chess with Malfoy earlier? Since when are you two friends?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry shrugged, “I offered to be his friend a long time ago. He recently agreed with me. He’s changed, Ron. I won’t deny that he’s made bad choices. We all have, some of his are worse than others, but that doesn’t mean he can move forward. He doesn’t deserve to be treated the way that he is. The war is over. I want it to be completely over. Will you at least try?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Ron hesitated as he saw the determined look in Harry’s eye. He groaned softly. “You’re really annoying, you know that? But you’re my friend. If I have to put up with Malfoy to do so… I’m with you Harry. I can’t promise to be friends with him, but I won’t be a git to the damn ferret.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______At Harry’s quirked brow, Ron laughed. “I can only manage so much, Harry. He is a ferret. And he is a git. I’ll do my best but I can’t make any promises.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry nodded in acceptance. “Thanks, Ron. Now, if you don’t mind. I really need a shower.” He set his model on a nearby table and went upstairs with his broom over his shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _

______A short while later, Harry trotted back down the stairs, clean and wearing a pair of shorts to enjoy more fully the cool air in the common room. There was a storm raging outside and the cold was seeping through the stone walls. Harry felt more comfortable than he had in a long while._ _ _ _ _ _

______“God, Potter, don’t you ever wear clothes?” Harry turned and saw that it was Pansy Parkinson who had questioned him, an amused smirk on her face._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What, and deny everybody their chance to ogle my ripped body and scars?” he pouted at her teasingly and struck a pose, one hand on his hip and the other in his hair._ _ _ _ _ _

______“More like the chance to check out your tattoos.” Pansy’s voice adopted an odd tone and Harry dropped any semblance of teasing, his good mood vanishing all at once. He eyed Pansy warily, wondering where she was going with this. Harry hadn’t really thought much about the fact that most people didn’t know about his tattoos at all. Usually when he was wandering around the common room half naked, it was so late at night or early in the morning that nobody else was there._ _ _ _ _ _

______His left hand lifted, seemingly of its own accord, and traced over his ribcage, following the symbols of his family. The skin tickled slightly and he knew that Padfoot and Moony would be romping around Prongs. His hand dropped back to his side, showcasing his newest tattoo to any within the room who cared to look._ _ _ _ _ _

______Pansy stood and walked closer, her eyes tracing over Harry’s exposed chest. “I’ve never seen a wizarding tattoo before. I wonder if they show up as a soulmark. I can’t imagine your soulmate would be happy that you are choosing to mark their skin this way.” Harry glared at her._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You say that as though I have a soulmate. With my history when it comes to family, I’m rather convinced that I don’t have one. So, I don’t care. My tattoos are for me, not for anybody else. And unless this is your way of telling me that you’re my soulmate, you can’t possibly expect me to care what you think, Parkinson.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why the bloody hell do I even come downstairs anymore…” Harry continued to grumble to himself as he gathered his quidditch model and returned to his room._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry didn’t spend any free time in the common room for several weeks after that. He left only for class, food and quidditch. The weather had turned cold and stormy, Harry was sure he was the only one who appreciated the change in weather. Most of the quidditch teams complained when he joined their practices._ _ _ _ _ _

______Despite the fact that his classes were going well, that he was receiving top marks on his assignments, and that he was able to spend so much time flying, he felt as though he was beginning to lose himself. For a while, he had been able to eat every day and he had managed to sleep for a several hours every night. Now he was back to sleeping an hour or two every night and not eating for days at a time._ _ _ _ _ _

______He felt restless in his own skin. Ron and Hermione liked to be with him during classes and at meals, though they were distracted enough with one another keep them from making him talk or eat._ _ _ _ _ _

______He felt small moments of contentment as he was able to spend time with Draco. He joined Draco at mealtimes, and Draco began attending Slytherin quidditch practices, providing feedback and strategic advice where Harry asked, helping him utilize his model to help teach the team. Harry found that his mind was clearer when Draco was around._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry was sure that it was due to Draco’s and Michael’s efforts that Slytherin won the first match of the year. The whole school turned out for the event, as it was a Gryffindor vs Slytherin game and kicked off the season. It was a fantastic game, the Slytherins working together seamlessly while the Gryffindors tried to keep up. Harry had heard a lot about the Slytherins winning the quidditch cup for years on end and now he realized why._ _ _ _ _ _

______The Gryffindor team was exceptionally unorganized. He wondered if it was unnerving for them to have their old seeker refereeing the match. Whatever the reason, they fumbled more than they should have and their seeker was complete rubbish. He was sure that if he had been playing he could have saved the match for them in half the time._ _ _ _ _ _

______Gryffindor was sorely disappointed with their loss, 270-90, though Harry couldn’t feel upset by the results. He had enjoyed himself immensely. He was surprised when Michael invited him to the Slytherin victory party, and he declined the invitation, not sure he was quite ready to be alone with a bunch of Slytherins, and nobody else. He couldn’t count on the fact that everybody there would be happy to see him. He wasn’t sure that, as the official quidditch referee, it would be acceptable for him to attend a victory party._ _ _ _ _ _

______Instead, he retreated to his room and replayed the match on his model quidditch pitch, making notes for the Slytherin team on how they could improve their game. He could have made a comprehensive list on how the Gryffindors could improve, though he doubted that Ginny would be amenable to him helping the team, especially since they were just trounced by Slytherin._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______One morning, near the end of November, Harry woke early in the morning to find that a light dusting of snow had covered the grounds. He sat in his window, enjoying the frigid air as he watched the sun rise. He felt good, the cold air helped him feel more comfortable and he felt hungry._ _ _ _ _ _

______He was the first one in the great hall for breakfast. He glanced up at the ceiling warily, wondering if this was really a good idea. He hadn’t eaten breakfast in months, the words of the howler echoed in his ears and he decided to shrug it off. What were the odds that he would get another howler this morning._ _ _ _ _ _

______He enjoyed the quiet of the room as he began to eat. He put a bit of everything on his plate and savored the rich flavors as he watched students come in to breakfast in groups. When Draco entered the hall, he headed towards the Slytherin table. He skidded to a halt, though, as he caught sight of Harry sitting at the Gryffindor table. He did an about turn and came over to sit by Harry._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Potter. Fancy seeing you at breakfast.” He cocked a brow when he noticed that Harry was eating, and he began to fix himself a plate of food, “And eating, too. What’s the special occasion?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry shrugged and gave Draco a small smile. “Good morning to you, too, Draco. I just… feel good this morning.” He shrugged again and took a sip of tea._ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco smiled and clinked his tea cup against Harry’s, “I’ll drink to that, Potter. Pity it’s too early for firewhiskey.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry let out a small laugh and took another swig of tea. They chatted amiably about their recent potions homework, a nasty essay on potions that influenced the mind, they sounded a lot like legilimency, to Harry._ _ _ _ _ _

______Classes went well, and quidditch practice with the Hufflepuffs was fun and productive. Harry settled into the common room for the evening and was in an excellent mood. Ron and Hermione joined him, they were both working on some charms homework that Harry had already finished. Harry reclined on the couch, enjoying the fact that he felt settled for once._ _ _ _ _ _

______They hadn’t been there long when Draco joined them. He shoved Harry’s legs out of the way so he could sit on the couch. Harry simply moved them back, draping his legs across Draco’s lap. Draco stared down at them for a few moments before he decided to allow it. He propped his book up against Harry’s legs and began reading._ _ _ _ _ _

______They sat in silence, reading, doing their homework, and daydreaming._ _ _ _ _ _

______Some time later, Ron appeared to give up on his essay and he let out a frustrated sigh and cursed Professor Flitwick for giving them so much homework. His disparaging remarks earned him a reproving, “Ron!” from Hermione and an amused smirk from Draco._ _ _ _ _ _

______Ron dropped his quill and ran a hand through his hair. He looked around and grimaced at the sight of Harry half laying on Draco. “Ugh. You two are weird. How did you even become friends in the first place? I swear I still expect to see you fighting all the time, and then you’re getting along and it just… I dunno, it’s just _weird _.”___ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry and Draco both stared at him, brows quirked at his unexpected outburst._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“But seriously,” he said, “how _did _you become friends?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________When Harry didn’t answer, Draco spoke, “Well,” he began slowly, “I can’t speak for when Potter changed his mind and decided that I was worth helping, but last spring, after everything happened, he came to see me at the manor. He returned my wand and offered to start over. Me, being my usual obnoxious self, declined the offer.” Draco drummed his fingers against Harry’s leg, wondering why Harry was suddenly so tense. He gazed at him questioningly before continuing, “And a few weeks ago, I sucked up my pride and asked if his offer still stood. If he was willing to forgive me for what happened, then I could work to prove that I was worthy of that forgiveness. And I wanted it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Ron looked morbidly fascinated with the short explanation and even Hermione has stopped doing homework to listen. Ron turned his attention to Harry, “When did you go to Malfoy Manner? You never told us about it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco glanced down at Harry who didn’t look thrilled about the topic at hand. “When was it? May 22nd?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry sat up suddenly, his eyes fixed on Ron’s face, which had paled considerably._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What,” Ron’s lips were pressed together so tightly that they looked completely bloodless._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Ron,” Harry started, only to be interrupted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“So that’s where you went?!” Harry climbed slowly to his feet, adopting a defensive stance as he watched Ron warily._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“HE,” Ron gestured violently towards Draco who followed Harry’s lead and stood up, “IS THE REASON YOU WEREN’T THERE? GEORGE ALMOST FUCKING DIED. AND IT WAS SO YOU COULD RETURN A WAND TO A DEATH EATER?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Ron, who had been pale, was suddenly flushed with anger. “WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, HARRY?! HOW THE HELL COULD YOU DO THAT TO GEORGE? TO ME? TO MY FAMILY? AFTER ALL WE’VE DONE FOR YOU? YOU VALUED _MALFOY _MORE THAN US?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He was screaming so loud that everybody around them froze, unable to keep from watching. Hermione’s eyes had gone wide and her face had drained of color. She watched Ron yell, her mouth open in horror at what she was learning._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Harry hung his head, his eyes closed as pain and regret washed over him. Draco was watching in shock, trying to figure out what the hell Weasley was yelling at Potter for._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Ron heaved in heavy breathes, his body trembling with fury. “HARRY JAMES POTTER YOU ARE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. GEORGE ALMOST DIED BECAUSE YOU LEFT HIM ALONE TO GO AND VISIT MALFOY,” the look of pure disgust on Ron’s face made Harry feel smaller than a flobberworm. “FUCK YOU, POTTER, GEORGE AND GINNY WERE RIGHT, WEREN’T THEY?! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF YOU’D FUCKING DIED IN THAT FOREST. YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Ron spun, tight lipped and furious and stalked out of the common room, the eyes of every person in the room following him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Hermione spoke softly, her voice choked with tears, “Harry-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Harry cut her off sharply, “He’s right, Hermione. He’s right.” Shoulders curving inward, he walked dejectedly to his room, the weight of his guilt heavy enough to make him feel as if he could barely move. He knew that he would never manage to come back from this. He had hoped it would never come up, but as with everything in his life, it never worked out the way he hoped it would._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He closed his door and slumped against it, sliding slowly to the floor as his legs refused to support his weight. He didn’t move for a long time, after that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	14. Chapter 14

A week had passed since Draco had been left standing, shell shocked and confused, beside Granger who had promptly burst into tears before running off after Weasley. 

Nobody had seen Potter. For that entire week. Not hide nor hair. Draco’s chest was tight with worry. He had listened as Granger had knocked on his door, with increasing hysteria, to no avail. She tried again, and again, and again. 

Draco had gone up to her as she was trying to get Potter to let her in, but as he had opened his mouth, she yelled at him, “Haven’t you done quite enough, Malfoy?!”

Draco had closed his mouth and walked passed her, making his way to his own room, wondering, again, what exactly he had done. 

Now, Draco found himself sitting in the common room by himself, working on an essay for Herbology when the portrait hole opened and admitted Professor McGonagall. He eyed her curiously, happy enough to abandon his essay to figure out what was going on. 

His curiosity spiked when he noticed Granger tailing her, wringing her hands, and chewing her lip. 

When they went up the stairs of the boy’s dorm, Draco stood and followed, keeping a discreet distance. Granger and Weasley had been making his life more miserable than they had in a long time ever since Weasley blew up at Harry. He could barely enter the common room without being yelled at, he was shunned in classes and in the library, and there had been an upturn in hexes that were sent his way in the halls. 

He peered around the curve of the stairs to see McGonagall knocking on Potter’s door. 

“Potter? Potter, open the door, please.” McGonagall waited a few moments before she started knocking again, more insistently this time. “Potter!”

She gazed at Granger over her glasses, her eyes flashing dangerously. “He’s been locked in here all week?” 

“He warded his room at the beginning of the year. He’s the only one who can enter, though he’s always gone to classes,” she sniffed loudly and her voice warbled as she continued, “I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what ward’s he’s used. I’ve tried to get in and I can’t.”

McGonagall’s lips thinned dangerously as she gazed at Granger. “You told me that he was doing better. You and Weasley agreed to help keep him involved, so please inform me, miss Granger, how things have gotten so bad that he has gone back to locking himself in his room and refusing to speak to anyone?” her eyes flashed dangerously and Draco was glad he was not on the receiving end of that glare. 

“You will find that I am aware of the events of last spring. I was informed of the incident involving George Weasley and Potter’s subsequent two-month isolation. I had hoped that you and Weasley would have been more successful in helping him readjust to things now that the war is over. Now that you have informed me of this latest development, I suggest you get back to your studies, miss Granger.”

Her voice had become so frosty that Draco shivered. He had just enough time to duck out of the way as Granger came pelting into the common room, her face streaming with tears. Draco slowly crept back up to see what McGonagall was up to. 

He watched as McGonagall pulled her wand and began to cast different spells at Potter’s door. Draco assumed she was trying to dismantle Potter’s wards. After a few minutes passed, he settled down on a step to watch, fascinated by the fact that McGonagall couldn’t seem to dismantle it. 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there before McGonagall seemed to lose her temper. “Potter, I insist you open this door at once!” A blast of orange light shot out of her wand at the door. She stumbled back with a surprised cry as it rebounded and blasted into the wall beside her. 

“Good heavens, Potter. What in Merlin’s name did you do,” McGonagall regained her feet and stared at the door in bewilderment. 

Lifting her wand, she began drawing it elegantly through the air, tracing a pattern only she could see. As she worked, strands of green and blue light became visible crisscrossing Potter’s door. Dropping her wand, McGonagall stared at the pattern before her, her expression one of complete bafflement. 

She reached out and prodded one of the green strands with her wand. It sparked violently at the contact and she pulled her wand back again. 

“Potter, whatever is going on, it will not be resolved by you hiding in your room. Please come out, I would like to talk to you.” 

She waited for several minutes before she gave up, and headed down the stairs. Draco leapt to his feet as she turned to leave, causing her to halt in her descent. He pushed her glasses further up her nose. 

“Mr. Malfoy. I trust you are having a pleasant evening,” She nodded to him and moved to pass him.

“No luck getting through to Potter, then, Professor?” 

She stopped and eyed him silently for a several moments. “What do you know of what’s going on here, Mr. Malfoy?”

Draco bit his lip thoughtfully before answering, “Well, I was with him right before he locked himself in his room. Along with Weasley and Granger. Potter and I are friends and Weasley has been rather disbelieving of the fact that we can manage to enjoy one another’s company. I mentioned that Potter came to visit me last May. He returned my wand and offered to start over, in deference to the end of the war. When I mentioned the date of Potter’s visit, Weasley… went completely mental, he-” Draco had to stop himself from flagrantly insulting the boy in front of the headmistress, “Well, he went off on Potter, told him he thinks his siblings were right that we all would be better off if Potter had died… I have no idea what Weasley,” he sneered the name, “could possibly be blaming Potter for now, but he has completely lost the plot.” 

He stopped talked as he realized that McGonagall was looking at him with a strange expression on her face. “I see…” She ran her hands down her robes, smoothing them out. “Well, Mr. Malfoy,” her lips compressed into a razor thin line, causing apprehension to rise in Draco’s stomach, “Potter is a very strong person, stronger than most, I would say. But he has already experienced more hardship and strife in his short life than most wizards ever will,” she suddenly sounded as though she had a severe head-cold. 

“I have to question; how much we can expect Mr. Potter to handle without breaking. I must hope that he has not hit that point already. He deserves so much better than he has settled for.”

Draco stared, he had been convinced that McGonagall didn’t have feelings that hadn’t revolved around Gryffindor winning the house and quidditch cups. But here she was, talking to him and nearly _crying _… He swallowed hard, wondering how Potter always managed to make people _feel _so much.____

____McGonagall blinked rapidly and patted Draco’s shoulder, making him feel even more wrong footed._ _ _ _

____“Never mind my rambling. If you’ll excuse me, I have some owls to send.” And with that, she was gone, leaving Draco standing alone in the hallway next to Potter’s door, wondering if she was wrong and that Potter _had _simply been through too much. Merlin knows he couldn’t have done everything Potter had. He certainly hadn’t made it any easier on him over the years.___ _ _ _

______His eyes strayed to the door. The desire to apologize for what a colossal prat he had always been was swelling in his chest along with a raging worry for Potter’s well-being. Merlin, McGonagall was right. He needed somebody good in his life. Weasley used to be good to him. He supposed Harry would have to do with whoever he could get at the moment and he inched closer to the door._ _ _ _ _ _

______Merlin, the cold seeped out of Potter’s room and made him shiver. He lifted his hand to knock, feeling exceptionally stupid. Why the hell would Harry let him in and not Granger or McGonagall?_ _ _ _ _ _

______He somehow ended up with his palm placed against the door while he softly called out, “Harry?” Silence. “Harry, I know you’re in there. I’d like to talk to you; you know you can’t hide from this forever.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He didn’t know what he had been expecting. For Potter to open the door, just because it was him? Who was he kidding? He had obviously started this new issue between Harry and Weasley… He wished that he knew what Weasley had meant._ _ _ _ _ _

______He jumped back, choking on a startled cry as the door vanished from beneath his hand. He found himself looking into haunted eyes, bruised from lack of sleep set into the waxy complexion of one who has been very ill. He could see Potter’s ribs well enough to count each one. Draco wondered if he had foregone food completely while he had been locked in his room._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Merlin,” Draco breathed out, his own eyes widening in horror, “Potter.” Draco swallowed heavily, wondering where he was going with this. He honestly hadn’t expected the door to open. In his shock, the first thought to cross his mind popped out of his mouth._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Merlin, you look like utter shite, Potter. And I mean, like, more than you usually do.” His eyes dropped shut in horror. Sometimes he really wanted to rip his own tongue out. He was supposed to be helping._ _ _ _ _ _

______There were a few moments of silence before Draco heard something that he hadn’t heard in _years _. It had his eyes snapping open in wonder because he could not pass up the chance to watch Potter laugh, not a soft chuckle or a snort of laughter, but full, rich, deep, laughter. Laughter than came from the soul.___ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco stared, transfixed by the sight of Potter laughing his head off, because Draco had _insulted _him. He felt lightheaded, dizzy, he might have forgotten that he was supposed to breathe. He looked light, as though he were positively glowing and as though all illness was banished from his face and body.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________A loud gasp broke through Draco’s stupor and he spun on his heel to find Granger gaping at the two of them, at Draco, who was convinced that she had seen him drooling over Potter like a love-sick fool, and Potter who was nearly blue in the face from laughter. She stared and it was another moment for Potter to catch his breath, his arms wrapped around his stomach and tears streaming down his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He propped himself against the door and grinned widely at Draco, “Merlin, but I was wondering when you were going to start getting shirty with me again. You really aren’t yourself unless you’re insulting me, are you Draco?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Granger let out a soft noise that Draco was sure was a choked sob. Draco regretted that she drew attention to herself at all, as the smile immediately fell from Harry’s face and was replaced with an expressionless mask that would have done a Malfoy proud._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco would have given all the gold in his Gringotts vault to see the smile and laughter back in place._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Harry,” Hermione breathed out, her voice was choked with tears._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You should probably be with Ron.” Harry’s voice was hollow and cold._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco suddenly felt warm fingers grip his hand and pull him forwards. He stumbled slightly in his shock as Potter pulled him over the threshold of his room. There was a slight burning sensation as he was pulled through the wards. Potter’s fingers squeezed his tightly, Draco couldn’t help but return the tight grasp as Potter continued to stare at Granger who was gaping, open-mouthed, at the pair of them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Potter shut the door, blocking her out. He released a shuddering breath, his hand still clutching Draco’s as though it were a life-line. Harry’s shoulders slumped, it was his turn to let out a choked sob._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco suddenly found himself with an armful of Potter, who was gasping and shuddering as he tried not to sob into Draco’s neck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco hesitated for only a moment as he brought his arms around Harry. One arm wrapped firmly around his waist as his other hand delved into Potter’s hair, stroking it softly as Draco buried his nose into the messy, black curls._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Shh… Harry… It’s going to be all right. You’re going to be okay.” Draco continued to murmur softly into Potter’s hair as he stroked his fingers through his hair and rubbed circles against his back. Draco wasn’t sure how long them stood there, but eventually Harry’s shudders slowed and stopped completely. But Harry didn’t remove his face from Draco’s neck._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco’s fingers stopped stroking through black hair as he registered that Potter was whispering against his neck, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, It’s all my fault. All of it. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco pushed him back gently and led him to the bed. Potter went, unresisting as Draco pushed him down until he was lying on his bed, staring up at Draco with eyes bloodshot with misery._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco lightly brushed Harry’s hair out of his eyes, marveling at how warm he was. He had just begun to realize how cold the room was. Now that he wasn’t holding the Potter-the-human-furnace, the cold was seeping into his skin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He pulled off Potter’s glasses and set them atop a stack of books on the bedside table. “Not everything is your fault, Harry. Though you like to think it, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Not everything is your responsibility.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry smiled at him feebly, though the expression did not reach his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Ah, but this time it is…” He shut his eyes, whatever was going through his mind looked rather painful._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco couldn’t help it, “Harry, what happened? What did I do?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry sighed and rolled onto his side, looking up at Draco sadly, “You didn’t do anything, Draco. It’s what I did. Last spring. Ron just didn’t know…” Harry sucked in a shuddering breath. He pushed himself up until he was leaning against the headboard. He stared at Draco for a moment, apparently trying to decide what to say._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco glanced around the room, his eyes landing on Potter’s window, noting the missing glass before his eyes landed on the wall that Potter had been hanging his drawings on. The drawings rustled as a cold breeze blew in through the window, making Draco shiver._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He turned to look at Harry as a cloak wrapped itself around his shoulders. Harry was still on his bed but he had pulled his wand and was fiddling with it, twirling it in his fingers._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Sorry it’s so cold in here.” Draco stared at him disbelievingly for a moment before he tugged Potter’s cloak more firmly around his shoulders._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Don’t change the subject. You need to tell me what happened.” He settled himself on the end of Harry’s bed and watched him fidget. His mouth opened and closed several times but no sound came out. He hung his head dejectedly before running his hand through his hair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I...” He looked away and paused. “I think it would be easier if I…” Harry lifted his wand to his temple and closed his eyes. He slowly drew his wand outwards, a long strand of silvery thought clinging to the end of his wand. It broke away from his head and he held it out, opening his eyes slowly. He climbed off the bed and walked to the desk. He set the memory into his pensieve and hefted it into his arms, carrying it carefully to the bed and setting it down in front of Draco._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco eyed his warily. “Are you sure…?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry nodded, “I’m not sure if… I can really explain what happened. But you deserve to know. Please know, before you see it, that… that I’m sorry I got you involved.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He sat in the windowsill, resting against the cold stone as he watched Draco. Draco nodded at him once before delving into the pensieve. He was immediately sucked into swirling white before he found himself standing in a crowded kitchen, surrounded by redheads._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He quickly picked out Harry, who was standing to the side while the Weasley family argued._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“We can’t all go, all of you should go, I’ll stay here with George.” That must be Weasley’s mother._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________A tide of arguments followed this pronouncement. Draco watched as Harry tipped his chair back, listening to the argument, though not participating or voicing an opinion._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco watched as George Weasley entered the room and growled at everybody. “All of you should go. I’m just going to take a nap. I don’t want to go to receive an award because Fred. Died. All of you can go do that. I’d rather not celebrate the fact that Fred died.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The silence that followed this statement was toxic. Draco shivered, separate though he was from the whole situation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“George, dear…” Mrs. Weasley began –_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“No, mum.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Well, somebody should stay here with you. How about I stay,” she wheedled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“ _No, _mum.” George looked furious.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Maybe, Harry, can stay with him? So the rest of us could go?” Ron was the one who made the tentative suggestion._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco didn’t think Harry looked like he wanted to do that at all, “Well, actually-” but Mrs. Weasley cut him off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Oh, Harry, dear, that would be just wonderful! You don’t mind, do you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco thought Harry looked like he minded a lot, but the pleading of the Mother Weasley stopped him from saying so._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco watched as the Weasley’s planned Harry’s day for him, while Harry couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Eventually, the family trooped out of the house, leaving George and Harry in the kitchen together. They looked at each other, Harry with a rather blank look on his face and George, a grim one._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I don’t need a babysitter, Harry. Go do whatever you want. I’m just going to go to sleep.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Harry looked conflicted. “Are you sure, George? I really don’t mind staying.” Merlin, but Harry was too helpful for his own good. George just gazed at him in annoyance._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I’m not a child, Harry.” With that he stomped out of the kitchen and Harry followed after a moment. Harry and Draco watched as George vanished into his and Fred’s old room. Harry stood at stared at the door for several minutes before he went down the stairs again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco watched as he sat himself down on a couch in a messy sitting room and pulled out his wand which he turned over and over in his hands. It took Draco a moment to realize that it wasn’t Harry’s wand, it was _his _wand.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Harry seemed to come to a decision. He stood and went up the stairs once more. Peeking into George’s room, he saw him asleep on the bed. Nodding to himself, he pocketed the wand and hurried out into the garden. With one last look at the house, he turned and disapparated._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The world swirled around Draco in a white mist before the world formed around him once more and he found himself standing in the sitting room of Malfoy Manor. It was near the end of Potter’s visit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“The wizarding world is a different place now, Malfoy. I’d like to show you that, if you’ll let me. I’d like to start over.” And Harry offered Draco his hand to shake._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco cringed as his memory-self stiffened and turned his back on Potter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I think it’s a few years too late for that, Potter.” Draco had wished, many times over the months, that he had turned around, now he could see what Potter did while his back was turned._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________His face fell. Draco felt a surge of guilt, wishing he had been less of a prat. Potter allowed his hand to drop to his side. “I know we aren’t friends, Malfoy. But this isn’t about that. This was about mutual respect.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Potter reached into his pocket and pulled out Draco’s wand. He set it on a side table with a soft click and walked out the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The world disintegrated into fog once more before reforming into the Weasley’s garden. He followed Harry as he entered the Weasley’s house once more. Harry walked up the stairs, seemingly to check on George again. He poked his head into George’s room once again, only to find it empty._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“George?” Harry’s voice sounded apprehensive and he received no answer. Growing more and more frantic with each call, Harry started running through the house, checking each room and yelling George’s name._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Looking completely frantic Draco ran after Harry as he burst into the washroom, there finding George, foam bubbling out of his mouth, eyes rolling back in his head, clutching an empty potion vial._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“No!” Harry’s shout was loud and panicked as he fell to his knees next to George. “No, George, No. Don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.” Harry talked to himself as he tried to get George to move, to feel a pulse, anything._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________A soft moan issued from his mouth and Harry wasted no time in hefting George up into his arms and disapparating on the spot._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco’s vision was filled once more with white haze. He blinked and looked around. They must be in a room in St. Mungo’s. George was lying in a bed, sleeping, from the look of it, and Harry was slumped in a chair beside him, his head in his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________George stirred and Harry sat up quickly, “George?” his voice was anxious, worried._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________It took a few moments for George to understand what was before him, to realize that he was alive, and that Harry was there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Harry…?” George sounded confused, his voice rasped painfully._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Yes, George, I’m here. You’re going to be fine.” Harry sounded relieved, Draco wondered what the Healers had actually told him about George’s potential recovery. He looked much too relieved for it to have been good news._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________George had paled considerably as he stared at Harry. Draco assumed it was due to pain until George opened his mouth. He spewed pure vitriol, poison, hate, loathing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“What the hell did you _do _Harry! I wasn’t supposed to come back. I’m not supposed to be here! I’m supposed to be with Fred! You always have to meddle in other people’s business, you can’t leave well enough alone. You always have to be the fucking hero. Well you know what, Harry, I DIDN’T WANT TO BE SAVED. I CAN’T BE SAVED.” George was screaming at the top of his lungs, and Draco was frozen in place, unbelieving of what he was witnessing.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I’m not supposed to be here! I don’t want to be here anymore! You bloody bastard you took that away from me! You know what I wish! I wish you had died in that fucking battle with my brother because then you wouldn’t be here now and you wouldn’t have been able to interfere. And I would be with him again. You bloody asshole with a bloody hero complex!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco spun around as people burst into the room, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, followed by a Healer. They all froze as George continued to bellow at Harry, who was frozen in his chair, his face white and bloodless._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“You left! You were supposed to stay away! I told you to stay away! I didn’t want you or need you. I need my brother. And you kept me from him. Go fucking kill yourself you piece of shit! You’re a bloody orphan so you don’t know what it’s like, you never will! He was my other half! I can’t live without him! Why are you making me live without him!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________George burst into violent sobs and looked as though he was about ready to murder Harry. If he had had his wand, Draco was quite sure that he would have tried. He wondered if Harry would have let him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Coming to his senses, the Healer rushed in and pointed his wand at George, who slumped onto the bed, unconscious._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________The Healer turned around and stared at Harry with wide eyes. Harry was frozen, staring at George and looking wretched._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I’m sorry, Mr. Potter. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We can’t have him getting upset like that again.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Harry didn’t speak or even acknowledge the Healer. He simply stood and walked out the door, past the Weasley’s, who were frozen in shock, and away from them all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco found himself sitting on Potter’s bed. He shuddered slightly, the tension from St Mungo’s still thrumming through his limbs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He looked up to find Harry watching him apprehensively from his seat in the window._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“What in the fucking hell, was that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had lots of time to write and update lately! I hope you're enjoying it. If not... Well I can't make everybody happy.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos! I love getting those emails in my inbox. They seriously make my day! so keep commenting, I love your feedback and suggestions. 
> 
> As for the comment about victim shaming, that was never my intention and I'm sorry you felt like it was portrayed that way.
> 
> Anyway, on with the show!
> 
> XoXo

Harry bit at a hangnail as he watched Draco, feeling unaccountably anxious. Now was surely the moment. Now that Draco knew... knew how horrible things always happened to people around Harry - usually to people he was close to - he wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore. 

Harry couldn't deny that he had found himself missing Draco, while he had been locked away in his room. But the guilt and grief that weighed down on him had kept him from moving. Even if he had had the energy to get up, he couldn’t have condoned doing anything he might find enjoyable. He didn’t deserve it.

Draco was staring at him, shock written on his face. 

"Potter, what the fuck?" 

Harry rubbed his neck and gazed at the floor. Merlin, he didn’t want to get into this. But Malfoy deserved the truth.

"You saw. You know what."

"No," Draco's voice was firm, "I saw, but that – and nothing that has happened recently – makes any semblance of sense at all. Not in the slightest. Trelawny teaching arithmancy would make more sense than this." 

Harry heaved in a shuddering breath and let it out slowly, trying to ground himself.

"So, you know the Ministry gave awards to the families of those who died during the last battle, right?" He swallowed nervously, "The Weasley's got one because Fred died. George fought with everybody about it. He didn't want it. He said it was like they were trying to say his death was something we should be proud and happy about. Like it was supposed to be a good thing. He didn't want to go and receive the award."

Harry picked at his shorts for a moment, avoiding Draco's eyes, "So, you saw that they asked me if I would stay home with George. George was angry, we all knew that, but we never really expected... anyway. I had already been planning to go visit you, but I was nervous. I had been in a constant internal battle for days at that point. And I couldn't go if I was going to be with George all day. But when he went to sleep, I knew he'd be asleep for a while. George spent most of his time sleeping after... after Fred died."

Harry rubbed the back of his neck, again. His next words were barely a whisper. "So, I left. I told myself that if I didn’t go then, I’d talk myself out of it again." He closed his eyes tightly, as though willing away the past, "So, I went. We talked. I left. You saw what I came home to. I got George to St Mungo's and the healers got to work immediately. They said if I had been a minute later, George would have died." 

Harry drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around his knees. 

"But they also didn't know if there would be any lasting damage. They said he might never regain consciousness. Or he might be... different. They really didn't know. The poison he took was rare. Something he and Fred were using to invent with, I guess. But he woke up. He knew who he was. He knew who I was. And he hated me – _hates _me – for what I'd done."__

__He laid his head on his knees and risked a glance at Draco's face; it was expressionless as he listened to Harry talk._ _

__"And when everybody found out what happened, well, that's why Ginny broke up with me. She blamed me for what happened to George. I said I would stay with him, but instead, I left. Though, I didn't tell anybody where I'd gone. But if I had been there… it wouldn't have happened. The Weasley's have suffered a lot because of me. Then, they lost their son and I couldn't be bothered to help keep George around either. They were really upset. With good reason," he added hastily._ _

__Harry closed his eyes again. It was easier to talk about it if he wasn't looking at Draco._ _

__"So, I left. I had been living at the Weasley's so I moved into Grimmauld Place. I didn't leave the house for a long time. Not for anything. Well, not until your family's trial, anyway. After that was over, I received an owl from Charlie Weasley. He told me he didn’t think it was my fault, about George, that is, and invited me to go and work in the dragon camps in Romania."_ _

__"So, I left the country. It was wonderful. I didn't have the press at my front door, nobody cared who I was or what I had done. Charlie helped convince me to come back for my final year of school. He helped me work through a lot of things. And the rest of the Weasley's..."_ _

__He spun away and dropped his legs out the window. His heels scraped against the stone as he looked down at the dark grounds, relaxing slightly as the cold air whirled around him. He didn't know what else to say about the Weasley's. They forgave him? Sort of? They were still angry? They had moved on? George was an even bigger mess than he was right after Fred died? He really didn’t know anymore._ _

__Malfoy didn't make a noise, didn't say a word. Harry strained to listen, wondering when he would hear his door open and close, signaling Malfoy's departure. Harry wouldn't blame him if he left. Malfoy would probably be better off. People in Harry's life tended to wind up hurt or dead._ _

__His parents had lasted all of 15 months before they died trying to protect him. Sirius, once Harry himself decided not to kill him, lasted two years before he died, too, coming to Harry’s rescue. Lupin... well, he lasted the longest. Almost 5 years... but that could be explained by the fact that for several of those years, he and Harry didn't talk, write, or see one another._ _

__Fred had died, most of the Weasley's had been injured, Ron and Hermione had faced death and been hurt, often, and it was all because of Harry._ _

__Harry couldn't help but face the reality that it wasn't safe for others to get close to him. It never ended well._ _

__Harry heard he light tread of a foot and bowed his head, telling himself this was for the best._ _

__So, it was, that, when cold fingers touched his shoulder, he started, and might have slid out the window if an arm hadn't banded around his chest and pulled him backwards._ _

__But Draco had overestimated his weight, pulled too hard, and they both went sprawling onto the floor, Harry landing hard on top of Draco, who yelped loudly._ _

__Draco shoved Harry roughly, succeeding in leveraging himself out from underneath him. “What the hell is wrong with you, Potter! Are you trying to kill yourself?”_ _

__Harry scrambled to his feet and looked at Draco in confusion._ _

__“You looked like you were about to jump out of the bloody window!” Draco grew louder with each word, as an angry flush rose into his cheeks._ _

__Harry waved his hand negligently. “You’ll only fall a few feet if you jump out my window, don’t worry. That wouldn’t kill me.”_ _

__Draco clenched his jaw and moved the pensieve so he could shove Harry onto the bed. “Just… stop hanging out of windows that are over a hundred feet above the ground.” Draco sank slowly into the desk chair, his eyes fixed on Harry._ _

__They sat like that for a long time, staring at each other, both refusing to break the silence. Until…_ _

__“Harry,” Draco’s voice was quiet and serious, “Have you eaten at all this week?”_ _

__Harry looked down and tugged at the edge of the blanket he was sitting on. That wasn’t the question he had been expecting. He shook his head minutely._ _

__Draco seemed to have expected the answer, and simply asked, “Why not? …Of all the ways you could kill yourself, that’s…” He trailed off._ _

__“Why not?” He repeated, watching Harry closely._ _

__Harry continued to fiddle with the blanket, not looking at Draco._ _

__“Potter. This isn’t something-” Draco huffed out an irritated sigh, “you can’t do this. You can tell me about it. But if you don’t want to tell me, I’m going to get Granger. Or McGonagall. Or even Madam Pomfrey. You need to talk about this. To deal with this.”_ _

__He leaned forward, his expression earnest. “If you keep at this, you’re going to do yourself permanent harm if you don’t kill yourself first. That’s not ok. Not for anybody. Will you let me help you?”_ _

__Harry finally looked up, and Draco was startled to see fear in those vibrant green eyes._ _

__“Just… just you?” His voice was hesitant, “Nobody else has to know?”_ _

__Draco debated for only a second before agreeing. “Of course, Potter.” He wondered if he’d be forced to break that promise. If he couldn’t help Potter figure this out, he’d find somebody who could. Potter’s health, both mental and physical, wasn’t worth that promise. But if it made Harry feel better to think it would stay that way? Well…_ _

__Harry looked momentarily relieved, but soon withdrew into himself, refusing to look at Draco once more. He wasn’t sure this was a good idea but he thought that Draco might just be right. He needed help._ _

__Draco ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in his chair once more, waiting._ _

__“Let’s just… let’s start with something easy, ok?” Draco waited until he saw Potter’s nod._ _

__“Are you hungry right now?”_ _

__Harry drew his lower lip between his teeth and worried it back and forth before releasing it. “Yes.” The admission was nothing more than a whisper._ _

__“May I call a house elf to your room?” Harry could tell that Draco was feeling out of his depth. He was resorting to the perfect manners that had been bred into him and taught to him from his youth. He nodded, watching as Draco snapped his fingers twice._ _

__A moment later there as a deafening crack, and a neatly dressed house elf appeared beside Draco’s chair._ _

__“How may Flopsy be of service to Master Draco, sir?”_ _

__Harry watched, curious despite himself, as Draco interacted politely with the elf, requesting a tray be brought up for them both._ _

__They waited in silence for a few minutes before Flopsy reappeared with a tray that was laden with tea, soup, and bread. Draco cleared off Harry’s bedside table, making room for the tray. Flopsy bowed, and vanished with another crack, while Draco handed a bowl of onion soup to Harry who accepted it without comment._ _

__Taking a bite of the hot soup, Harry moaned softly as flavor burst over his tongue. He swallowed, enjoying the heat he could feel traveling down his throat to his stomach._ _

__He took another bite, pausing with the spoon in his mouth when he noticed that Draco was smiling faintly. He slowly removed the spoon from his mouth and grabbed a piece of bread off the tray. He dipped it into his bowl of soup before stuffing it into his mouth._ _

__“Heavens, were you raised in a barn, Potter?” Draco queried, amusement filling his voice. He quickly became serious again, “All manners aside, you need to slow down. You’ll make yourself ill if you eat too quickly.”_ _

__Draco took the other bowl of soup and ate it with a delicacy Harry didn’t know a person could exhibit while eating._ _

__“So,” began Draco, as he lightly patted his lips with a napkin, “We established that you haven’t been eating, but I’d like to know _why _you haven’t been eating.”___ _

____Harry drummed his fingers against his bowl as he contemplated an answer._ _ _ _

____“Most of the time I’m… just not hungry, or the idea of food makes me feel sick. It feels as though I would eat it only to vomit rather violently afterwards.”_ _ _ _

____Draco took another bite of soup as he seemed to ponder that response. He was cradling the bowl in his hands, probably trying to absorb the heat of the soup into his fingers, when he asked his next question._ _ _ _

____“And the rest of the time?” Draco was staring at him with so much determination that Harry rather felt like he was falling into the silver pools that were Draco’s gaze._ _ _ _

____Harry swallowed hard and looked down at his bowl before setting it carefully on the tray. He didn’t know if he was simply nervous or if he had eaten too much, too fast, and his body was rejecting the food._ _ _ _

____“Sometimes I eat,” Harry whispered, his mind shying away from the real reasons he didn’t much eat anymore._ _ _ _

____“What about the rest of the time, Harry?” Harry’s gaze jumped to Draco’s. He was startled by the gentleness of Draco’s tone. Dropping his gaze again, he found himself regretting that he had set down his bowl as he had nothing with which to occupy his hands as he stalled the discussion._ _ _ _

____“I,” Harry began, “I…” He swallowed heavily. His chest was constricting, he couldn’t breathe. He was choking, gasping, struggling for air. He curled in on himself as panic swiftly overtook him._ _ _ _

____“Harry? Harry!”_ _ _ _

____Fingers were grasping his shoulders, shaking him roughly. But he couldn’t calm down. A moment later, arms wrapped around him, pulling him back to rest against Draco’s chest. Draco had pinned his arms to his sides and he was taking slow, deep breaths against Harry’s ear._ _ _ _

____“Breathe with me, Harry. Feel me taking deep breaths? You can do it, too. Come on, breathe with me. You can do it.”_ _ _ _

____Slowly, so slowly, Harry managed to synchronize his breathing with Draco’s. Draco continued to hold him as he calmed, though shudders rippled along his entire body._ _ _ _

____Harry knew why he couldn’t bring himself to eat. He was supposed to be dead. Dead people didn’t eat. He had died, he should have stayed dead. He was supposed to be dead, but he wasn’t. He was viciously and tenaciously _alive _.___ _ _ _

______He was alive when others weren’t. Others who had died for, and because of, him. They couldn’t eat. Why should he get to eat when they couldn’t? But he couldn’t tell all of that to Draco. Nobody knew that he had died that night. He hadn’t even told Ron and Hermione that part. Nobody knew. Nobody living, that was._ _ _ _ _ _

______“The dead don’t eat,” his voice was shaking as badly as his limbs. “They’re all dead, because of me. It’s my fault,” His voice broke, but now that he had started, he couldn’t seem to shut up, “My parents. Dead. My fault. Sirius. My fault. Everyone here who died. It was my fault. I brought Voldemort here. He came for me. Just me. So many people. All my fault. The dead don’t eat. They can’t eat anymore, so I can’t either.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He started sobbing in earnest, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t,” Draco held him tightly, staying silent while Harry sobbed for the second time that night._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Shh… Harry… It’s going to be okay.” Draco was whispering in his ear, trying to calm him down. Harry hiccupped around his sobs and turned, wiggling onto Draco’s lap, and burying his face in the other boy’s neck. He was exhausted enough that it was easy to ignore the fact that he had crawled onto Malfoy’s lap and was clutching him close. He was acting like a bloody git, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but he eventually fell into an exhausted sleep, his head resting comfortably on Draco’s shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______Draco stared down at the head of inky hair that was nestled into his neck, a tight feeling was growing in his chest. Merlin, but how long had Potter – Harry – been feeling that way? Draco knew what it felt like to hate yourself… but just like everything else, Harry seemed to be an extremist. Everything he did, felt, experienced, was either drastically better or exponentially worse than anybody else had it._ _ _ _ _ _

______But Harry had done so much good for other people, if anybody deserved to be alive right now, he did._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry always did the right thing. Hell, he had even saved _him _the bastard Death Eater who had almost killed his best friend, who had treated him like shite their entire acquaintance… But Harry had still saved him. More than once, in fact.___ _ _ _ _ _

________But now it seemed that Harry was the one who needed saving. Draco didn’t know what deity or fate was taking the piss right now, but it seemed like Draco was the one destined to save him. Not from Voldemort, obsessed fans, or angry, grieving survivors – no, Harry Potter needed to be saved from himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco rested his cheek against Harry’s soft hair, hoping and praying – to whatever deity that might condescend to listen to the pleas of one as lowly as he felt – that he would be able to do this one good thing. If he did nothing else with his life, he was determined to save Harry Potter, even if it killed him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, my lovelies! Hope you like it. <3
> 
> XoXo

Harry woke slowly the following morning, only to find that he had moved around in his sleep. His head was pillowed comfortably on Malfoy’s chest, one leg was thrown across his thighs, and an arm was wrapped securely around his waist.

It took a moment for his mind to catch up with the situation. He had wrapped himself around _Draco Malfoy _. Draco Malfoy who Harry had been ogling with Dean and Seamus all year. Draco Malfoy who had recently told Harry that he was gay. After Harry had admitted to being bi. He had wrapped himself around Malfoy as though they weren’t just friends, but _lovers _.____

____He swallowed hard, his whole body tensing as he wondered how to extricate himself without waking Malfoy – whose arms were wrapped around him just as securely as Harry had wound himself around Malfoy._ _ _ _

____Harry was just about to lift Malfoy’s arm from around his waist when he felt a hand tighten against his hip. Malfoy’s whole body shivered in a pleasant way and he stretched his legs downward before he murmured sleepily into the soft black curls beneath his head, “Relax, Potter. It’s too early to be thinking so hard.”_ _ _ _

____He couldn’t help but release his tension as Malfoy started tracing swirling patterns across his back. Maybe he was right, this didn’t have to mean anything. They had simply been up late and had fallen asleep… Harry didn’t want to think about the fact that he had fallen asleep after sobbing like a bloody git into Malfoy’s chest, or about what he had admitted to Malfoy…_ _ _ _

____He allowed himself to relax against Draco. He really couldn’t justify calling him Malfoy anymore, even in his head. They stayed like that for quite a while before Draco broke the silence._ _ _ _

____“How are you feeling about everything this morning?” He spoke quietly, as though hesitant to bring up anything that might ruin the comfortable mood._ _ _ _

____Harry drummed his fingers lightly against Draco’s chest as he considered._ _ _ _

____The light shining in through the window testified to the fact that Harry had just had his first full nights sleep – without the aide of a sleeping draught – in what must have been over a year. That was nothing short of a miracle, as far as Harry was concerned. As for everything else, he glanced up at Draco, only to find the other boy studying him intently as he waited for an answer._ _ _ _

____“Well,” Harry began slowly, “that’s the longest I’ve slept, without waking, in… over a year? I feel… pretty good, actually. As for everything else,” he shrugged one shoulder negligently, “Nothing’s really changed, has it?”_ _ _ _

____Draco arched his neck to stare at Harry’s alarm clock. “You do realize that we only slept for about 5 hours, right?”_ _ _ _

____Harry mumbled an affirmative sound against Draco’s chest before pushing away from him and swinging his feet onto the floor, presenting his back to Draco._ _ _ _

____“And that’s the longest you’ve slept in one night in _over a year _? Potter, how are you even functioning at all? You barely eat, you apparently don’t sleep and you’re busy _all _the time. And it’s not just with things like going to class or sitting around doing homework. You’re always running and playing quidditch. Why haven’t you collapsed due to sheer exhaustion?”_____ _ _ _

________Harry ignored the questions, giving a shrug as answer as he stood and moved to his trunk and pulled out some clean clothes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Harry.” His voice sounded exasperated. “You said you’d talk to me. I said I’d help you. But you have to _keep _talking to me. I don’t know what you’re doing or thinking unless you tell me.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry quickly changed his clothes, but couldn’t continue to avoid looking at Draco after that. He rubbed the back of his neck and hefted out a sigh, watching as Draco leaned back against the headboard and making himself comfortable as he pulled Harry’s blankets around him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry decided that he liked the way Draco looked in the morning. His hair was mussed, he had pillow lines imprinted on his cheek, and he looked more relaxed than Harry thought he had ever seen him. He looked… comfortable, warm, approachable._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“People expect me to finish school. They want me to do well, join the Aurors, and continue to stop dark wizards. So I get up everyday. I do all my homework. I referee stupid quidditch matches. People worry less when I’m doing what they expect. So I do.” Harry sounded about as excited by this as he would have been at the prospect of spending the rest of his life in an Azkaban cell with Dolores Umbridge._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Because people want you to? What people?” Draco sounds more annoyed than Harry had expected him to be, “What about what you want? Doesn’t that matter? Fuck other people. What do you want to do?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“What I want?” Harry stared at Draco, blinking in confusion._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Yes, Potter, what you want. Do _you _want to be an Auror? Or is that just what everybody tells you? Merlin, fuck, Potter. I know this will sound rich, coming from me, but you can’t live your life doing exactly what everybody tells you to do. You’ll go mental. You’ll hate yourself. And in the end, you’ll realize that they don’t matter at all – after its too late to change your mind.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco looks furious as he climbs off the bed and stalks up to Harry, though the effect of his anger is rather ruined by the fact that he’s still got blankets draped around him, “ _You, _were the one to fucking teach me that.” He’s practically shouting, his frustration more than apparent. Harry stared at Draco as though he were a crumple horned snorkack that had flown through his open window.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes, seemingly regretting his outburst. As his hand dropped to his side, his eyes fell on the wall of sketches and drawings that were stuck up on the far wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He returned his gaze to Harry, who was watching him with eyes wide. Merlin, but he looked so vulnerable without his glasses. He dropped his voice to something more normal._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“What do you enjoy doing, Potter?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Enjoy… like… for fun?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco rolled his eyes, “Yes, Potter. Fun. What do you do for fun.” Draco eyed him critically as Harry bit his lip, his gaze dropping to the floor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Quidditch,” Harry supplied after a moment. Draco refrained from rolling his eyes, why did that answer sound like a question?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He nodded instead. “Good. What else?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Harry was staring at him, his face blank, “What else?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco sat on the end of the bed as he stared at him, trying to figure out how to clue Potter in. He took another stab._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“If you had a whole day free, and you could do whatever you wanted, what would you do? Other than play quidditch.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He watched as Harry sank into his desk chair and stared at the floor. They sat that way, Draco staring at Harry and Harry staring at the floor for a long time before Harry spoke._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I don’t…” he cleared his throat. “I don’t know. I – I’ve never…” he trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Never had the chance to figure it out?” Draco sighed softly, his chest constricting painfully as he watched Harry rub the back of his neck again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“What about when you were a kid? Before you came to Hogwarts? What did you do for fun then?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco would have sworn that the temperature in the room dropped from frigid to glacial in the few seconds it took for Harry’s body to go completely rigid._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Surely you know, Draco, what I did for _fun _while I’m with my ‘family’. I know the rumors have gone through the school before. Don’t lie and tell me you didn’t hear. Or even participate.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I didn’t think…” Draco began, sounding contrite, “They were just rumors. I couldn’t imagine that they were true. That Harry Potter would be treated like that by anybody. I,” he swallowed nervously, “I thought it was just a ploy to gain attention.” His voice was a mere whisper by the time he finished._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Harry leapt to his feet, muttering, “Of course you did.” He stalked to the window and sat down on the sill, pulling his feet up with him. He stared moodily out the window._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“What really happened?” He tolerated Harry’s glare patiently until he could see Harry soften, ever so slightly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He twirled his wand in his fingers, refusing to look at Draco as he spoke._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“When my parents died, I went to live with my mum’s sister’s family. The Dursleys,” his voice was flat, emotionless, “They didn’t want me. They hated magic. Dumbledore left my aunt a letter. I’m not sure what was in it, but whatever he wrote made her agree to keep me. Dumbledore wanted me to live with blood relatives. They were the only ones I have. Apparently, it allowed him to invoke some kind of extra protection, from Voldemort, Death Eaters… whoever.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He heaved in a deep breath before he could continue, “My Aunt and Uncle spoiled my cousin. Dudley is a fucking whale. Fat, lazy, mean. He and his gang used to beat me up regularly. Made sure I never had friends. Uncle Vernon encouraged it, my aunt didn’t care. Hell, I think Dudley learned it from my uncle. I didn’t know about magic. When I started showing signs of magic, or whenever anything weird happened, I got blamed, punished. They used to lock me in my cupboard. I lived under the stairs…” Harry trailed off, staring out into the wintery morning._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Harry…” his name was nothing short of a puff of breath, Draco couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There had been rumors, but nothing about any of this. Most of it had been about Harry hating muggles because the ones he lived with were horrible to him. Most of the rumors had circulated during second year when he was being accused of attacking the muggle-borns._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“My name,” Harry looked over at Draco, who was scared by the dead look that had dulled his eyes. He wasn’t sure he wanted Harry to continue._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I didn’t know it. Not until I went to primary school. I remember the Dursley’s training me to answer to it, so my teachers wouldn’t realize... I thought my name was ‘boy’. It’s all they ever called me. It’s all I’ve ever been, really. Harry Potter is a myth. He doesn’t exist.” He snapped his mouth shut and ground his teeth. Draco could have sworn his eye twitched._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Harry shuddered and rubbed his eyes. He slumped back against the stone, looking exhausted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Harry…” Draco was at a loss for words. He opened as closed his mouth, but nothing else came out. Pulling out his wand, he gave a complicated little wave and a tea tray appeared, spiraling until it landed on the bedside table. Draco set about making tea as the silence stretched between them. He had no idea what to say to Harry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________I mean, what the hell are you supposed to say to somebody who grew up not knowing their name, only to find out that they were famous and everybody else knew their name, had from the moment his parents had died._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Still wearing Harry’s blanket like a robe, he carried two mugs over to the window, muttered, “Budge up, Potter,” and wiggled into the windowsill, sitting across from Harry. He pulled his feet up, settling them next to Potter’s hip before holding out a mug of tea. Harry silently accepted it and took a sip, keeping his eyes trained on the forest that could be seen out the window._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Harry,” Draco began slowly, “You… You’re more than just a name. You’re more than a title, you aren’t just ‘the Chosen One’, you aren’t just ‘boy’, you aren’t Harry Potter the idea, you’re Harry Potter the person. You aren’t an idea or a myth. You’re allowed to be happy, to enjoy things, to make your own choices.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He took a sip of his tea, gathering his thoughts, “You deserve to be whoever you want to be. Don’t let people tell you that you have to do anything other than what you want to do. You’ve spent your whole life doing exactly what everybody else has told you to do. I know what that’s like. I was raised to be a perfect pureblood aristocrat. I was told what to believe, how to dress, how to act, what was right and wrong… and if I didn’t comply there were… repercussions. I did everything I was supposed to, I was proud to receive the Dark Mark. According to my father, the Dark Lord and his followers were going to make the world perfect. The place we wanted to be. Things were supposed to be good. With the Dark Lord in power, everything was supposed to be wonderful, ideal, perfect.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Harry was finally looking at him. His eyes had regained some life, and they were watching Draco carefully. He knew he had Harry’s full attention._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“It was during sixth year, you knew I was up to something. You weren’t wrong. It was that year that I learned that I didn’t agree with the ideals my father had taught me. Father was in Azkaban, and the Dark Lord was… He was in my home. He was threatening to kill my mother. The man who my father had always spoken so highly of was making my life absolute hell. And it kept getting worse. And you somehow knew.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Even though you were going through a lot of shit, I know, you still seemed to be happy. With your friends. With the Weasley girl. I couldn’t understand. Everything my father said would bring happiness was happening, and I had never been more miserable. Not in my entire life. I hated myself. It made me wonder what else my father might have been wrong about. By the time I had realized that I didn’t like what I had been taught my entire life, it was too late. I’d gone too far. Even as Dumbledore offered to help me, it was already too late.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I had already put myself on a track that I couldn’t get off of. There was no turning back. No matter how much I wished I could. I continue to pay for those choices everyday. Every time I go out in public and get hexed and yelled at. Every time our classmates decide that I’m evil and can’t be trusted and find ways to land me in detention, or send me tumbling down the stairs, or knock by books onto the floor, or sabotage my potions. And I can’t blame them. Because I deserve those things. It serves me right. For what I did. For my complacency. For how long it took me to realize I was wrong.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco took a long drink of his tea before meeting Harry’s gaze once more._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“But you, you always seemed to do whatever you thought was right, no matter if you got kicked out of school or if it could possibly get you killed. You always did it anyway. It was that trait, that I had seen over and over again… I tried to do the same. It is a great regret of mine that my attempts were so feeble. I let fear rule me. But you were so fearless. Even as you were brought captive into my home. I could do nothing but deflect.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“But you still seemed to recognize that I was trying. You still saved me. You could have let me burn. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had. I was never anything other than horrible to you. I realized that I had to… I had to change. And I’ve been trying.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“If I can change who I was raised to become, if I can learn how to overcome what everybody thinks of me, then you can claim your life, too. I’m still working on changing myself. Don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t change who you are, or decide who you want to be for you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________They stared at each other as Draco finally fell silent. Harry’s eyes glowed with an intensity that Draco hadn’t seen within them in longer than he could remember._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco smiled and was rewarded with the slightest upturn of Harry’s lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“You can do whatever you want to, Harry. You defeated the Dark Lord. Nothing and nobody can stop you from doing what you want with your life.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Harry’s smile widened, it illuminated his face, Merlin, he would swear that it lit up the room. What wouldn’t he do to see that smile, so full of light and hope, directed at him every single day. Hell, he’d have to start with getting him to smile on a regular basis. He rarely smiled anymore._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________They finished their tea in silence, watching the winter sun climb high over the forest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos. I'd love to know what you think! Any guesses to where this is going?  
> (your guess is as good as mine!)
> 
> XoXo

Draco was rather surprised to find Granger sitting in the hall when he left Harry’s room some time later. She rose quickly, tucking a book under her elbow. 

He eyed her curiously for a moment, murmured, “Granger,” and made to pass her. He was feeling in desperate need of a shower and change of clothes. 

Just as he was about to pass her, her hand shot out and grasped his arm. He tensed, frozen beneath her fingers as he awaited her next move. He turned his head and stared at her. 

She dropped her hand with an apology that he didn’t believe in the slightest. Her expression was an odd mixture of curious, hurt, and determined. 

“Malfoy, Professor McGonagall wants to see you.” She continued to stare at him as though his head might pop off if she stared long enough. 

“Good for her, she can – after I’ve taken a shower, put on some fresh robes, and look like a human again.” 

Merlin, it was bad enough that Granger was seeing him so rumpled, he’d be damned if McGonagall saw him like this. He headed to his room, ignoring Granger’s protests. He was just glad she hadn’t tried to grab him again. 

Feeling much better after having a shower and putting on fresh clothes – he really did hate sleeping in his robes – he began a slow walk to the Headmistress’ office. He carefully smoothed his hands down his front and stared at the stone gargoyle. He didn’t know the password.

Without him having said a word, the gargoyle leapt aside, allowing him to step onto the slowly revolving staircase. He paused outside her door, listening for movement, voices, anything. There was complete silence. He knocked twice and stepped back from the door, schooling his expression into one of cool indifference. He wasn’t sure why he was being called to the Headmistress’ office, but he was damned well not going to look worried about it. 

A moment later the door swung open and Professor McGonagall bid him enter. 

“Thank you for coming, Mr. Malfoy. Please, have a seat.” She gestured to one of two chairs placed before her desk. Draco noted with a small pang of apprehension that Granger was seated in the second one. He settled into the proffered chair and gazed at the headmistress, waiting for her to explain why he was here with _Granger _of all people.__

__“Miss Granger has informed me that you have been spending time with Mr. Potter and that he has allowed you entrance into his rooms?” McGonagall gazed at him over her spectacles, the gleam in her eye making Draco wonder why she seemed _happy _about this. He hadn’t given much thought to what McGonagall would think of his spending time with her Golden Boy, but he wouldn’t have imagined she’d be excited about it.___ _

____“Yes…” Draco drew out his answer, his gaze flicking briefly to Granger, who was watching him carefully. Why the hell would Granger bother telling the Headmistress that he was spending time with Potter? He wondered if she made regular reports about what Harry was doing. The idea didn’t settle well in his stomach. He again met McGonagall’s eye._ _ _ _

____“Wonderful,” And the thing was, she sounded like she actually believed it. Draco was well on his way to having no clue why on earth he was here. If they were happy that he was spending time with Harry, why did they need to talk about it._ _ _ _

____“Miss Granger has expressed some concern over Mr. Potter’s well-being this year, and I’ll admit, that I share most of those concerns with her.” Her lips thinned dangerously, as they always did when she was about to chastise a student for mucking about in her class. Draco sat up a little straighter._ _ _ _

____“You are the only one that has been allowed access to Mr. Potter’s room since term began. I will confess that I was unable to remove the wards he has in place. I have no idea what spells he has used, but they are impregnable to any but those he wishes to enter. Which, in Mr. Potter’s case, I was quite comfortable with. Except for the fact that he has not been, well, _himself _this year. He has been performing flawlessly in his classes, he even asked to take additional classes at the beginning of the year. To all intents and purposes, he appears to be moving on from everything that has happened and doing exceptionally well since.”___ _ _ _

______The silence drew out between the three of them. Draco wasn’t sure what they wanted him to say. He quirked a brow. “And you don’t think that’s actually the case?” He wondered how much they actually knew about what was going on in Harry’s head. He couldn’t admit to knowing much, but he had a feeling he knew more than anybody else._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Miss Granger has informed me,” McGonagall continued as though Draco hadn’t spoken, “that Mr. Potter hasn’t been eating and she suspects that he hasn’t been sleeping. I was the one who suggested that he join in with quidditch, it was always something that he seemed to enjoy, but even that, it would seem, has led to some,” she hesitated as she looked for the right words, “unexpected, consequences, which we fear have isolated him from his own house, to an even greater degree than Potter had been isolating himself.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Granger was biting her lip as she listened to McGonagall talk._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Miss Granger has also informed me that she has wondered whether or not Potter is physically well – he has lost an unhealthy amount of weight and feels as though he has a fever,” she glanced at Granger who nodded once, in confirmation. “You are also aware that Potter and Weasley have, er, fallen out, shall we say.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Here McGonagall stopped, and Draco couldn’t help but ask, “Is there a particular reason that you’re telling me this, Professor?” He tried to sound respectful, though he wasn’t sure he had quite managed it as Granger glared at him and McGonagall’s lips compressed into a thin line once more._ _ _ _ _ _

______“As somebody who Harry seems to trust,” Granger’s tone conveyed skepticism at this thought, “though Merlin knows why, we’d hoped that you might care even a little bit, that he needs help, Malfoy.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Hermione muttered an apology to Professor McGonagall before she tried again, “Knowing Harry, if he has confided in you, he probably asked that you not tell anybody else. But, knowing Harry, he is probably trying work through everything alone. He’s never been good at asking for help, especially from adults,” her eyes darted towards Professor McGonagall before returning to Draco._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We need your help. Harry needs your help and we want to make sure that he gets it.” Her eyes grew bright and Draco _really _hoped she wasn’t going to start crying. He hated it when girls cried.___ _ _ _ _ _

________He eyes the two women speculatively. They both seemed to care for Harry, and he was beginning to realize that he wouldn’t be able to do this all alone. He would need help down the line and this looked like a good opportunity to enlist the help of two powerful allies. If Granger was really his ally. He knew McGonagall would do whatever needed to be done to help her Golden Boy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He stared at Granger, his expression unyeilding. “You’re dating Weasley, aren’t you? What do you think about the whole,” he waved his hand negligently, “ _issue _between him and Potter?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Granger swallowed hard, Draco thought it looked rather painful. His eyes narrowed as the silence stretched into minutes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He stood suddenly. “My apologies, Professor. I can’t help you.” He made to leave and was halfway across the office before Granger yelled after him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Malfoy, wait!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He spun around swiftly, his fury evident. “Wait for what? For you to realize how stupid it is for anybody to blame Harry over a Weasley’s failed suicide attempt? Wait around for you to decide whether helping Harry would be worth making your relationship with Weasley uncomfortable? Wait for you to realize that Harry will willing live his entire life in misery to make the people around him _happy _and to keep them from _worrying _about him?”_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________His eye twitched, “I don’t blame him for avoiding you if you haven’t been able to figure that much out! You’re supposed to be his bloody friend.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Mr. Malfoy, that is quite enough!” McGonagall finally broke in._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He ground his teeth, trying to rein in his anger. He took him a moment to compose himself before he was able to settle an indifferent expression on his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I know it wasn’t his fault,” her voice is subdued, “I don’t know how to help Ron understand that, though. Ron is so upset that George would try something like that. He needed to blame somebody. Because Harry was there, it’s easiest to blame him, even if it doesn’t make any sense to do so. Of course it wasn’t Harry’s fault. It wouldn’t have made a difference if Harry had been there all day. George would still have done it. Maybe if Harry had been there, he wouldn’t have gone looking for George and maybe he wouldn’t have gotten him to St. Mungo’s in time. Maybe George would have died. Ron knows this deep down. But learning that Harry had left his brother, to go and see _you _, somebody who,” she glanced apologetically at McGonagall, “he has hated for a long time, somebody he thought Harry hated, too, well, it made him feel like Harry was choosing you over him and his family. And, over the years the Weasley’s had made Harry a part of their family. You don’t betray family for an enemy, and that’s what Ron feels like happened.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Her tears had spilled over while she’d been talking, but hearing her say that she knew it wasn’t Harry’s fault had calmed him somewhat. He slowly walked over, placing his hands on the back of the chair he had just vacated._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I will tell you what I know. But. You will follow my lead on this. If Harry realizes that I’ve told anybody, he will shut me out. I owe Harry a lot, I want him to… I want him to be happy. He deserves so much more than he is settling for.” His gaze strayed towards Granger again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He waited until he the two women had agreed before he resumed his seat and proceeded to fill them in on what he knew._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Granger was giving him weird looks. It had been a week since their meeting with McGonagall. Draco had not sought her out since then. He didn’t know what to say to her and he was sure that she was too observant by far to spent much time around. As they had been leaving McGongall’s office, she decided to question why he cared about what happened to Harry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“You really care about this, don’t you? Why do you care?” He had been grateful that she had said ‘this’, though they both knew that she meant _him _. He had brushed her off and mentioned that he owed Harry a life debt. He wasn’t sure she had bought it, though. Draco, however, had more pressing problems to deal with.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry had returned to classes the previous week and had been attending most meals. He had eaten small amounts at each one after Draco had reminded him or given him stern looks. Draco had been pleased to note that his cheeks had seemed less sunken in his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________The Christmas Holiday was almost upon them, and there was a Hogsmeade trip planned for the last day of term. This didn’t mean much for the eighth years, who could leave when they wanted, but the rest of the school was buzzing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry had been sitting with Draco in the library. Draco had been working on homework while Harry read his usual – advanced transfiguration. Had been looking at him idly, wondering what he was always studying so intently – as Draco never saw him practice any spells – when Andrews had walked up to them and, pretty as you please, asked Harry to go to Hogsmeade with him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Draco had frozen in shock before his eyes swiveled to Harry, wondering what his reaction would be. He watched a fetching red suffuse his face. Merlin, but Potter was useless when it came to dating. He propped his chin in his hand to watch Harry blunder through it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________After a lot of embarrassed confusion, several reassurances that, yes, Andrews was serious, and an imploring stare at Draco for help, Andrews had himself a date._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Draco couldn’t help smirking at the boy before he walked away. Andrews knew that Harry had only said yes because Draco had encouraged him to. Draco wanted to yell after him, “So much for not needing my help, Andrews!” but he had too much class for that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry was staring blankly into space with his mouth open until Draco prodded his arm. He snapped his mouth shut but turned his confused stare onto Draco who couldn’t help but roll his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“It’s a date, Harry – It’s not like you’re facing down the Dark Lord, again.” He enjoyed watching Harry’s flush spread down his neck, while trying to ignore the unpleasant twinge that seemed to be rooted deep in his chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“It’s supposed to be fun, not stressful. Quit worrying so much, scarhead.” The nickname earned him a small smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry stuck his tongue out, apparently feeling childish. Draco simply quirked a brow at him, glad enough that he and Harry knew each other well enough that he wouldn’t be offended by the ‘condescension’ Draco was sending his way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I’ll have to pick out an outfit for you.” Draco sighed in a put-upon way, snickering at the look of horror that appeared on Harry’s face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“What do you mean, outfit?” He looked down at himself, dressed in his uniform, he didn’t look too scruffy, but Draco knew what the rest of his clothes looked like. “What’s wrong with my clothes?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Draco patted his arm gently. “They look terrible, Harry. Don’t worry, I’ll help you. You want to impress your date, don’t you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry looked unsure of himself. “Yes?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Of course you do! You want to make a good impression. Don’t worry, I’ll help you.” He wondered if he’d have to repeat himself again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry smiled at him, it was a genuine smile that was sweet enough to worsen the unpleasant tightness that had taken up residence in Draco’s chest. He returned Harry’s smile regardless and turned back to his homework._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Friday finally arrived and Draco remained mildly amused by Harry's panic over his date._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He'd much rather see him panicking over a date than depressed over the Weasel - who still wasn't talking to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________They had the afternoon off and Draco had promised to help Harry get ready. As soon as their last class had ended, Harry pulled Draco through the castle, common room, and up to his room, ignoring the few greetings that were thrown his way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He burst through his bedroom door and led Draco to the bathroom where they stopped in front of the mirror._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"What am I going to do about..." he plucked at a strand of hair that was sticking straight up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________They stood there together, staring at his hair in silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Draco had to admit that it did look a little worse than usual. He had to wonder how it was able to go in every direction like that. It practically defied gravity._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Draco reached up and tried to run his fingers through it. He failed. He tugged gently, trying to get Harry's hair to release the didgets. By the time he'd worked his fingers free, he was grinning widely and Harry's face was bright red._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Merlin, my hair is hopeless. Maybe this... isn't such a good idea."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Your hair? Don't worry, we'll get it sorted. But we might need a little more help..." he was pondering how to tame his hair when Harry spoke again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"No, I mean the date." He rubbed the back of his neck as he worried his lip. "I'm not sure I'm ready to... be involved with somebody."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________His face paled suddenly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"I know I'm not ready for the Prophet to get wind of the fact that I'm dating blokes." He stared at himself in the mirror for another moment. "I shouldn't go."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Of course you should," Draco said this so matter-of-factly, that Harry's eyebrows rose. "You need to go do something fun. I'm hoping that spending time with Michaels will be fun and not boring. You already have enough boring in your life."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him back into the bedroom. "Let's pick out clothes first, then we'll deal with your hair."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He cast a disparaging look at the mop in question before walking over to Harry's trunk and pulling it open. He stared._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Where else do you keep your clothes?" Because surely that couldn't be all he had._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"That's all of it," Harry stuttered, under Draco's appalled gaze._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry sunk into his desk chair as his face started to redden again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"I've never, er, cared much about clothes." He supplied embarrassedly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Draco blinked and shut the trunk._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Well, follow me, Potter."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Several hours later, Harry found himself sitting on Draco’s bed with mounds of clothing heaped around him. It looked like the wardrobe had exploded. Blaise had tried to come in an hour or so before but after taking one look around the room, he had backed out, shutting the door behind him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Try this,” Draco was pressing another set of robes into his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry groaned, but stood up, pulling his shirt off over his head. “Merlin, I feel like a fucking Barbie.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“What was that?” Draco was staring at him curiously. “What’s a _Barbie _?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Harry tugged the robe on over his head. “It’s a muggle thing. A doll girls dress up in a billion different sets of clothes.” He glanced around the room pointedly. He was pretty sure he had tried on everything that was set out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco sniffed, “Well if you want to look sloppy on your date, Potter..”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Harry smiled at him, his finger plucking at the new clothes he was wearing. “Isn’t this just a bit… much?” He was wearing a set of dress robes that had probably cost more than all of his clothes put together._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco sighed and began digging through the piles of clothes strewn around his room “Fine, if you’re going to be like that…” Draco stopped in front of Harry with another outfit in his arms. “Last one. I think you’ll like it. Then we can figure out your hair.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Harry took the clothes, doing his best to hide his sigh. After he had changed, he had to agree that he liked the clothes. He wasn’t wearing robes, but was wearing tight, black jeans – he had to wonder if Draco had ever worn them before – a green button up shirt, Draco had rolled the sleeves up so that they rested just under his elbows, and a black vest. It looked… a lot better than Harry would have expected._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________He smiled at Draco, who was giving him an appraising once over. Draco smiled back at him before tugging him into the bathroom. He handed Harry a comb before he began bustling around, pulling out bottle and little pots and scattering them around the counter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________By the time Harry had finished combing his hair, it was a real mess. Frizzy and untamed. Draco grinned at the sight before he sat Harry down on the toilet and began working different hair products into the wealth of black hair before him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Harry bore the ministrations with patience, it seemed to Draco that he was enjoying the sensation of fingers sliding through his hair. Draco wasn’t about to admit how much he was enjoying it, too. Was that…?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco pulled away the hair by Harry’s left ear and stared. “When did you do this?” Draco eyed a small symbol, normally hidden beneath Harry’s hair. It took him a moment to say why he knew it. “The Deathly Hallows?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Harry tensed under Draco’s hands and slowly, Draco continued to work on his hair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Its… it reminds me of Dumbledore, among other things. Everything that happened with him.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Draco nodded silently before moving to work carefully on the hair that covered his forehead. He had to be careful not to touch Harry’s scar. It wouldn’t do anybody any good for everybody else to be able to see it on Draco’s forehead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________He finished styling with a flourish and moved to wipe his hands clean. “I think that’s as good as you’ll get, Harry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Harry stood and gazed into the mirror, his hair, always a mess, no matter what he tried to do to it, looked good. It wasn’t slicked down, but it looked _purposefully _messy. It wasn’t frizzy or tangled or flat on one side. He smiled at Draco, who had been watching his reaction with satisfaction.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________“It doesn’t _have _to look like a baby bird will come flying out of it, you know.” He smirked before checking his watch.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________“Shit. Harry you’ve got to go or you’ll be late. Have fun, okay?” With that, he pulled Harry through his room and pushed him into the hall before shutting the door. He leaned against it for a moment, wondering why his stomach was suddenly pitching a fit, before he slowly began setting his room to rights once more._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	18. Chapter 18

Harry felt rather awkward as he stood in the entrance hall, waiting for Michael to join him. He bounced on the balls of his feet and wondered for possibly the thousandth time if he shouldn’t just… leave. It’s not that he didn’t _like _Michael, he was perfectly nice and they had worked really hard to help out the Slytherin quidditch team over the past few months.__

__They were certainly friends, but Harry had never really thought of Michael as anything else. He wasn’t really sure what Andrew was expecting, which was putting Harry on edge._ _

__“Harry, you look great,” Michael had appeared beside him while Harry was lost in thought. He jumped slightly before smiling at him, mentally cursing as he could feel color rising in his cheeks. He lightly brushed a hand down his front, the expensive material feeling foreign beneath his fingers._ _

__“Thanks,” Michael was wearing nice, black robes under a heavy winter cloak. “So do you,” Harry returned with a small smile._ _

__Michael smiled and gestured towards the front doors, shall we?”_ _

__The pair stepped into the cold afternoon and made their way down the well-worn track that lead to Hogsmeade._ _

__“So, sorry I missed your practices last week. How is Ben holding up? Has he been improving?” Harry knew quidditch would be an easy topic when he really didn’t have a clue as to what to talk about._ _

__Michael nodded, “Using that model of yours worked wonders for him. He finally figured out what the hell he was supposed to be doing on the pitch. I was about ready to replace him.”_ _

__Talk of quidditch lasted them all the way across the grounds. “Merlin’s tits, its freezing out.” Michael glanced over at him, “How are you not freezing your arse off? You’re not even wearing a bloody cloak.”_ _

__Harry blinked. He hadn’t even thought about a cloak, actually. He glanced down at himself, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, no gloves, no scarf or hat… he shrugged. “Didn’t think about it, but I’m fine, not even slightly cold.” And it was true, Harry was always overheated these days. He supposed Draco realized that too, or he would have forced Harry into one of his insanely overpriced cloaks that he probably had 10 of._ _

__“You fucking liar.” Michael grabbed Harry’s hand with one of his own. Harry jumped slightly at the touch before snorting lightly. Michael’s face looked shocked. Harry couldn’t blame him for it, though. It was cold out. He wondered idly when they would get a good snow._ _

__“I’m not lying. Merlin, your face. I’m always warm.” He made to pull his hand back but Michael held onto it. Harry glanced at him from under his lashes before deciding he’d allow it. Michael’s hand warmed against his own as they trudged into Hogsmeade._ _

__“So I’ve made us a reservation, I hope you don’t mind, there’s a new place that’s opened up just down the street that is quite excellent.”_ _

__Harry was listening with half an ear, students and villagers had started to notice them and Harry could see them lean in together and start whispering. Why couldn’t they just go about their business? How was it that Michael didn’t notice? He was still telling Harry about the food at this restaurant, what was it? Blue Flames? He didn’t remember. He did his best to force his attention back on Michael and away from the other people, students, doing their last minute Christmas shopping and villagers going about their day._ _

__Eventually, they made it to the restaurant. It was called the Green Flame. Stepping inside, Harry discovered that all the flames, in torches on wall, the candelabras, and small candles on the table, all burned green. Harry supposed that this was supposed to provide a unique atmosphere. It rather reminded him of a potion he’d seen once, surrounded by dark water._ _

__He shuddered and forced the memory away. Luckily, Michael hadn’t noticed, his cloak was being taken from him and he had released Harry’s hand._ _

__“Cool, isn’t it? It reminds me of the Slytherin common room.” Harry could see where he was coming from, but he couldn’t help peering into the darker corners, checking for faces, arms, cold, clammy hands that didn’t let go…_ _

__He turned his gaze to Michael, who was smiling at him as they were led back to a secluded table. They were quickly brought some wine, Michael had apparently selected it when he made the reservation. Harry took a hasty swallow, enjoying the fruity flavor that rolled over his tongue. It helped him relax marginally as he began looking over the menu._ _

__He immediately felt at a loss, everything looked so… complicated. He nibbled on his lip and glanced up to find Michael watching him._ _

__“Can I order for you? I think you’ll really like their braised duck. It’s to die for.” Harry nodded before glancing around them. Tables were beginning to fill around them. Merlin, but he hated being around lots of people these days. He was glad that they were in a nook and that his back was to a wall._ _

__Michael ordered for them and then leaned forward, watching Harry take in the décor._ _

__“So, you want to be an auror, right? That’s so cool, I don’t think I’d be cut out for it. But obviously you’d be the best sort of person for the job, I mean, you’ve already taken out the Dark Lord. I’d imagine dark wizards would turn themselves in if they knew you were coming after them.”_ _

__Harry didn’t say anything, but changed the subject as quickly as he was able, “And you want to try quidditch professionally, yeah? Do you know what teams you want to go out for?”_ _

__They were halfway through Michael’s ranking of teams he’d like to play for when their food arrived. Harry didn’t feel hungry in the slightest but found himself grateful to have something with which to occupy his hands._ _

__He slowly cut pieces of meat, listening to Michael’s evaluation of the Tornados. He nodded when he agreed and stayed silent when he didn’t. Michael didn’t seem to need much contribution to the conversation, so Harry drank his wine, taking a bite of food every now and then._ _

__He had to give it to Michael though, the food was excellent, and he had paired it with the wine with an expertise Harry was sure all purebloods had ingrained in their subconscious._ _

__Harry became increasingly aware of the number of stares that they were getting, the other diners were watching them with apparent fascination. Harry was sure that he heard an increase in whispers and a few soft gasps when Michael reached across the table to grasp his hand._ _

__He was feeling very done with the night when Michael asked if he’d like to get dessert. When Harry answered in the negative, he asked for the bill. The waiter bowed, eyeing Harry with something far too close to hero worship for Harry’s comfort before insisting that, “Harry Potter does not pay here. We are happy to serve him and his partner.” The waiter’s eyes flicked back to Michael who was positively beaming before resting once more on Harry who was slowly flushing red._ _

__“No, no, that’s quite alright, I’m happy to pay–,” Harry began before he was cut off by Michael._ _

__“Thank you! We appreciate it.”_ _

__Harry was mortified. They had gained the attention of everybody in the restaurant. Michael was beaming as his cloak was fetched. He twirled it around his shoulders and grasped Harry’s hand once more before exiting the restaurant, Harry in tow._ _

__They froze as they found themselves suddenly surrounded by a gaggle of reporters._ _

__“MR. POTTER, IS THIS YOUR BOYFRIEND?”_ _

__“MR. POTTER, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE NEW LEGISLATION ON AZKABAN PRISONERS?”_ _

__“MR. POTTER, WHERE WERE YOU OVER THE SUMMER?”_ _

__“MR. POTTER, WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE HOLIDAY? ARE YOU SPENDING IT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND’S FAMIILY?”_ _

__“MR. POTTER, PICTURE FOR THE DAILEY PROPHET!”_ _

__Harry suddenly felt cold fingers gripping his chin and pulling his face upwards as Michael’s lips crashed against his own. Harry could feel his other hand roving over his hip, pulling him flush against his chest. It felt wrong, his lips were cold from the air and felt overly moist. Harry shoved against Michael’s chest before storming through the crowd of reporters, his face on fire and his temper flaring to match._ _

__Harry was glad that the reporters let him pass easily enough, the photographers kept snapping pictures as they made room for Michael to run after him._ _

__Harry was suddenly glad that he had been running so much lately, as it kept Michael from catching up to him. Before long he had made it to the castle and was storming through the common room on the way to is room. The few people inside of it, Draco, Dean, Seamus and Neville jumped to their feet as Harry came storming in. Harry ignored their questions and vanished into his room, slamming the door so viciously that it rattled in its frame._ _

__Merlin and Morgana, this was why he never left his room. He threw himself on the bed and sat there, fuming. There was a gentle knock on the door. He ignored it. He didn’t want to deal with anybody. Dean, Seamus, or Neville, asking what was wrong, or Draco, asking to know what had happened on the date._ _

__The knocking continued for a few minutes before the person eventually gave up and went away. He lay there, staring at the bed hangings and wondering if he could get away with staying in his room for all of the winter break that had now started._ _

__He rolled onto his side and hmphed as something hard in the pocket jabbed into his leg. He quickly dug it out and was shocked to find a fizzing whizbee. Well, it seemed that Draco had good taste in candy. He looked at it for a moment before popping it into his mouth and rooting around his bedside drawer for a vial of sleeping draft. He had an idea that he wasn’t going to sleep otherwise and he didn’t want to have to lay around for 8 hours imagining what the front page of the Prophet was going to look like the following day._ _

__He downed the potion around the candy and lay back, rolling the ball of sugar around his mouth and wondering what the hell he would have to tell Draco about the night. There was a clench of anxiety and he wished he wouldn’t have to. But he knew that Draco would be sympathetic no matter what._ _

__And it was Draco that he was thinking of as he finally drifted to sleep._ _

__

__By the time Harry woke the next morning, he was feeling much better. The sun was high in the sky and he lay on his bed, blinking in the light as a warm feeling filled his chest. He was excited to go find Michael. He hoped he wasn’t too angry that Harry had stormed off last night. Harry really didn’t know what he had been thinking._ _

__He stood and brushed a hand down his clothes, Draco’s clothes he realized, before running a hand through his hair. Michael wouldn’t care if he’d just gotten up, would he? He pulled out his wand and cast a few hasty charms, his clothes immediately lost their rumpled appearance, his breath freshened and his hair – well, those charms never really did much good with his hair._ _

__He slipped out of his room and strode down the stairs, moving confidently and hoping that it wouldn’t be _completely _obvious to everybody else how excited he was.___ _

____As he stepped into the common room, he saw several people quickly stuff copies of the Dailey Prophet out of sight. He offhandedly wondered what they were doing as he made his way towards the portrait hole._ _ _ _

____Draco was suddenly standing in his way, a look of confused concern on his face. “Harry, are you doing alright?”_ _ _ _

____Harry smiled at him brightly, though he didn’t know why that deepened the look of concern on his face._ _ _ _

____“I’m doing great, Draco, thanks so much for your help yesterday. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find Michael.”_ _ _ _

____“Find… Michael? As in… Andrews?” Draco’s eyebrows were in danger of vanishing into his hair._ _ _ _

____Harry laughed, “Of course! I really need to apologize, I was so rude to him last night. I hope he forgives me,” a look of panic takes over Harry’s face, “Oh Merlin, what if he doesn’t forgive me? I don’t know what I’d do…”_ _ _ _

____A look of suspicion crosses Draco’s face before his expression becomes inscrutable._ _ _ _

____“So, the date was good? I heard he took you to the Green Flame. Was it good? What did you eat?”_ _ _ _

____Harry enthusiastically went on about the menu and wine for a few minutes before Draco interrupted._ _ _ _

____“Did you get dessert?” he asked._ _ _ _

____Harry shook his head._ _ _ _

____“Did you eat anything else last night?” Harry gave him an odd look before shrugging._ _ _ _

____“Just a fizzing whizbee you had left in your jeans pocket. They’re one of my favorites. It rounded out the night really well.”_ _ _ _

____Draco’s eyes had drifted shut and his face looked pained. “Harry, I care too much about my clothes to every leave anything in the pockets. Let alone food. That candy wasn’t mine.”_ _ _ _

____Harry shrugged. “So? It’s just a candy. Listen, I really need to go find Michael…” he was about to leave when Draco suddenly grabbed his wrist. He stared at Draco incredulously, “Let me go, Draco.”_ _ _ _

____“But you don’t know,” Draco’s expression was earnest, “It’s a pureblood thing. After you go on a date with somebody, you need to take them a gift. It’s like saying thank you. But you really can’t go find Andrews without something. I have just the thing.” Draco’s gaze swept the room, noting all of the people watching them. He leaned into whisper in Harry’s ear._ _ _ _

____“You should also change clothes. You can’t go see him wearing what you wore on your date. You go change, I’ll get that gift you need and meet you in your room, okay?”_ _ _ _

____Harry nodded, eyes wide. “Okay. I really want to do this right. I can’t mess it up again, if I did, he might never speak to me again.” He turned and darted off towards his room once more. Draco was hot on his heels._ _ _ _

____Harry quickly pulled out his nicest set of robes and pulled off Draco’s clothes that he was still wearing. He sat on the edge of his bed, quivering in anticipation until Draco entered his room, quickly closing the door behind himself._ _ _ _

____Harry leapt to his feet and was immediately in front of him. “Do you have it? What is it? Can I see?”_ _ _ _

____Draco rolled his eyes and pushed him back towards the bed. “Sit down, Harry.” He pulled a thick silver bracelet out of his pocket. The links were large and appeared to be snakes, eating their own tails. Harry gazed at it curiously._ _ _ _

____“A perfect gift for a Slytherin. It will send the message that you are quite serious about this relationship. Because you are, aren’t you?”_ _ _ _

____Harry nodded and leapt to his feet once more, his excitement palpable. “Sit!” Draco barked, Harry slowly sank back onto the bed, staring at Draco in confusion. “Harry, you cannot go see a Slytherin in this state. You are far too excitable. If you want him to respect you at all, you need to calm down. However, you clearly are so excited to see him that you won’t be able to do that yourself.” He held out a small potion vial._ _ _ _

____“This will help you calm down so you can go meet Andrews with your head on straight. I’m a Slytherin. I promise you cannot venture into the dungeons with your feelings written all over your face. So drink that, I’ll give you your gift, and send you on your way.”_ _ _ _

____“You really are the best friend, Draco. You’ve helped so much. I would have made a complete arse of myself without you.” Harry took the vial and uncorked it._ _ _ _

____He downed the contents with a shudder – it tasted bloody awful. They waited for a few moment until it kicked in. Harry could feel excitement melting away and anger creeping in to replace it. A few minutes passed and Harry was beyond seething. He sat there, on his bed, fury radiating from him like heat._ _ _ _

____“Harry…” Draco began slowly, apparently aware of the new tension in the room._ _ _ _

____“Let me see it. You _have _read the Prophet this morning, haven’t you?”___ _ _ _

______Draco sat down beside Harry, his face unreadable. There was a beat of silence before, “I burned it. It’s a load of rubbish anyway and it doesn’t matter.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry’s fury quickly morphed into shame, he buried his face in his hands. “Why, Draco? Why do things like this always happen to me? I didn’t even want to go, not really. I thought he was alright. What was in the paper? You can’t know it all, reporters didn’t show up until the end. At least,” he let out a humorless laugh, “at least, they didn’t see me after I’d taken a fucking _love potion _.”___ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco looked away, not wanting to answer. “It doesn’t matter what it said, Harry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What. Did. It. Say.” The words were barely discernable through Harry’s teeth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco eyed him cautiously, “Andrews gave an interview. About your excellent prospects for being an auror. Your support of his desire to be a quidditch player. That you said you’d never felt that way about anybody but you weren’t ready to tell people. That’s his excuse for why you stormed off. He mentioned how the restaurant thanked you for your efforts in the war be letting you both eat for free.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry began pacing across his room, while Draco watched him warily. Harry was shaking, but with what he wasn’t quite sure. Rage, shame, embarrassment, hatred._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He turned and punched the wall, screaming out some of his frustration. His hand throbbed, but he found he didn’t care if he’d broken it or not. He sank to his knees, pressing his face against the cool stone as misery welled up inside him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco was suddenly beside him, his arm around Harry’s back and his voice a comforting sound in his ear. He hadn’t the faintest clue what Draco was saying, but his voice was soothing to his raw emotions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Why,” his voice was choked, “Why do these things always happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve this…?” He gave up trying to make sense of anything as tears escaped him. He couldn’t do it anymore. What wouldn’t he give for it to all be over, to not have to feel, or experience… anything?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He vaguely registered Draco’s voice, the soothing motion of his hands, pulling Harry away from the wall and into his arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry sank against him, his mind blanking of everything at all, shutting down, shutting it out. He didn’t notice Draco’s hands cupping his face as though it were the most precious thing in the world, he didn’t notice Draco’s lips, clearing the tears from his cheeks. He didn’t understand the words Draco spoke as he whispered against his skin, “I’m sorry, Harry, I’ve failed you. Please forgive me. I love you. I said I’d help you and I’ve failed you. I’m so sorry, so sorry. I love you. I’m sorry. I just wanted something better for you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________But Draco’s pleas were not heard._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your love and patience my lovelies. It took a little longer than I would have liked to determine how Draco was going to react to all of this nonsense. It'll take some more time to flesh out, but it promises to be juicy.

Harry blinked and looked around, wondering why he was in the hospital wing. It was the one place he tried to avoid more than the dungeons. He sat up slowing, taking account of his body. He felt good, which seemed odd, in and of itself. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt rested, free of pain, relaxed, and well fed. 

He rolled his shoulders and searched around for his glasses, which he couldn’t find. He huffed and leaned back against his pillows. His eyes drifted closed again and he allowed his mind to wander. It didn’t have far to go before it landed on Michael. The Date. The reporters. The kiss. The candy. The article. And Draco. It came back slowly and rather disjointedly. 

He could feel his blood pressure rising. He rubbed at his eyes, pressing hard. The slight discomfort felt oddly pleasant. His hands dropped back into his lap. He lightly traced his fingers over his basilisk, which undulated under his touch. He was still amazed at the way his tattoos moved. They rather tickled when they did. 

He felt a low throb of fury, he had defeated a fucking basilisk when he was twelve. He shouldn’t have to deal with little shits like Michael Andrews. He wanted to beat the man into a fucking pulp. But even that didn’t seem like quite enough. He’d defeated bloody Voldemort, he shouldn’t have to deal with stuff like this anymore. He deserved revenge on the bloody fucker who’d tried to use him. 

He jumped as Madam Pomfrey’s voice cut through the silence. 

“Mr. Potter, excellent, you’re awake.” She bustled over, carrying a large tray of food, which she set floating over Harry’s lap. He sat up a little straighter, squinting to see her more clearly. She brushed a hand across his forehead, frowning down at him. She hummed rather absentmindedly while Harry sat there. 

“You’re still warm. How are you feeling, Potter?” 

“Er…” Harry began, “Good? My head feels a little fuzzy… do you know where my glasses are?”

Madame Pomfrey looked down at him, seeming to notice for the first time that he was squinting up at her. “I’m not sure, Potter. You weren’t wearing them when you were brought it.” She eyed him for a moment before continuing, “You might consider having them fixed, then you wouldn’t need to continue wearing glasses at all. Eat your breakfast, Potter, then I want to talk to you before you go.”

Harry rubbed his forehead before settling the tray on his lap and slowly starting to eat the porridge. He dutifully ate every bite, knowing Madame Pomfrey always insisted on such. He reached for the goblet of juice to take a drink and shuddered as the orange juice left a chalky taste in his mouth. He emptied the goblet anyway, grimacing at the taste it left in his mouth. 

He moved the tray to the end of the bed and climbed to his feet. He stretched his arms over his head, groaning softly as his back, shoulders, and neck popped loudly. There was a lump of black at the foot of his bed. Further investigation proved that it was his robes. He changed quickly, happy to be in his own clothes again. 

He made his way over to the open door of Madam Pomphrey’s office. He knocked lightly on the door frame. She lifted her head from a stack of parchment before her and beckoned him inside. 

Once Harry had taken a seat she began, “Have you been ill lately, Mr. Potter?”

“Ill?” Harry repeated bemusedly. “No…” Madame Pomfrey cut him off. 

“Yes, _ill _. As in, had a fever, vomited, had diarrhea, lack of appetite - _ill. _” She was positively glaring at him, making him squirm in his seat.____

____“No, I haven’t been ill.” He tried to say this confidently, he hadn’t been, after all, but her fierce glare was rather alarming._ _ _ _

____“You’re sure that you haven’t been taking any potions, to make yourself well, which would prohibit you from having to come to the hospital wing? Need I stress to you the importance of not brewing and taking your own potions to heal yourself?”_ _ _ _

____“I haven’t taken any bloody potions, alright?” He was starting to get angry now, he had _no _idea where this was coming from.___ _ _ _

______Madam Pomfrey continued to glare at him. “You have a fever, Mr. Potter.” Harry blinked at her. “Yet nothing else is wrong with you, other than the fact that you appear to have lost a significant amount of weight. None of my diagnostic spells can find anything to be the matter with you, yet you are still running a fever. Haven’t you been feeling chilled, sweaty or shaky? Why didn’t you come see me right away, trying to remedy yourself only leads to problems. Like fevers that don’t come from a disease that can be cured.” She was glaring at him again, but Harry was meeting her glare for glare by now._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I told you, I haven’t taken anything. And I haven’t felt chilled or shaky or anything like that. I tend to overheat, is all. I’ve been like that for a long time.” He ground his teeth petulantly before he could continue without shouting, “And I haven’t been taking potions to avoid coming to the hospital wing.” He sulked in his chair, while he glared at the wall and tried desperately to think of how to get her off his back._ _ _ _ _ _

______Madam Pomfrey was no longer scowling, she was frowning at him rather severely, now. “And your appetite?” she questions._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry shrugged lightly, unconcerned, “Don’t have much of one. Not since…” he trailed off not quite sure how to put words to it that wouldn’t sound crazy. Not since I died? Yeah, that would go over well._ _ _ _ _ _

______But Madam Pomfrey came to some sort of conclusion of her own. Her gaze softened as she looked at him. Harry stared at the wood of her desk, not wanting to meet her gaze and find pity there. Merlin he hated that look. He knew it well, he’d received it his whole life. He slumped back in her chair and waited for her to speak._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well, I’d like for you to start taking these nutrition potions, every day. It should help keep you healthy even when you don’t eat as much as you should.” Seven small vials flew towards then and landed on the desk in a neat row. “I’m giving you one week’s worth at a time. You will need to come back and see me once a week so that I can monitor your weight. I would also like to try several different potions to get rid of this fever you have.” Another potion landed on the desk in front of him. “I’d like you to take that right now.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______She stopped talking and watched carefully, making sure that Harry drank the full contents of the vial. Harry shuddered violently as the potion hit his stomach. It was like swallowing ice. He could immediately feel cold seep into the rest of his body._ _ _ _ _ _

______Madam Pomfrey nodded approvingly. “If, as you say, you haven’t been ill and taking potions you or another student has made, I really don’t know why you would have a fever and not be otherwise ill. But not to worry, Potter, we’ll get you sorted out in no time.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______She came around her desk and laid a hand on his forehead, humming in concentration. She dropped her hand to his cheek, her expression clouding in consternation. That didn’t appear to do anything. But we need to allow that to clear your system before we try anything else. Alright, Potter, you’re free to go, though I would like to see you back here tomorrow to try something else for that fever.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry nodded, crammed the potions into his pockets and only ran into one chair as he made his way out of the infirmary. He wondered if he _should _get his eyes corrected. He couldn’t see a damn thing and he had no idea where his glasses could possibly be.___ _ _ _ _ _

________At least it was the Christmas Holiday, no there was next to nobody in the castle._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hello, Harry,”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry spun around quickly. A head of dirty blonde hair had appeared behind him without his noticing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hullo, Luna. I thought you were going to visit your dad for the holiday,” Harry smiled as he noticed her wand stuck behind her ear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh I was, but he had an opportunity to go out on a hunt for Zermillion Zelwidges that he couldn’t pass up. Apparently there is a horrible infestation in Denmark right now. They love the cold weather.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry felt a sudden surge of affection for the girl in front of him. He smiled at her warmly and threw an arm around her shoulder. She smiled up at him. “You don’t have your glasses on. Sometimes I like to walk around with my eyes shut. Not being able to see helps solutions come into focus, doesn’t it?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry blinked down at her hair as they began walking along the corridor. He tried to think over the statement, but images of Luna running into suits of armor because she was walking with her eyes closed kept interfering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He murmured a quiet agreement as they walked. Luna squeezed him gently around the waist. “Don’t worry, Harry. Things will clear up for you soon. It always makes sense in the end. It’s just a matter of knowing when the end is, because they do look so much like beginnings…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Her head tilted to the side, her wand poking Harry’s cheek. “Oh look, there’s an end right over there. Or is it a beginning? I might need to close my eyes to figure it out. Do you know, Harry? You aren’t wearing your glasses after all.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry looked up and saw Draco striding towards them. He smiled, momentarily forgetting Luna’s words until he felt her lips press softly against his cheek. “Don’t worry, Harry, you’ll figure it out soon.” And with that, Luna waved at Draco, smiled dreamily up at the two boys, and vanished once more._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry was staring after Luna when Draco finally reached him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I didn’t think you’d be out of the hospital wing yet. What were you and Luna talking about?” Harry turned to glance at Draco’s fuzzy face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Er,” Harry began, “I’m not exactly sure. Seeing. And beginnings and endings. Did you know she likes to walk around with her eyes closed?” Harry couldn’t quite tell but he thought Draco was looking at him strangely. “Do you happen to know where my glasses are?” Harry continued, “I seem to have missed them somewhere…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco blinked. “Glasses…?” His eyes widened and he began patting his pockets. A moment later his hand emerged, Harry’s glasses secure in his fingers. He hastily wiped off the lenses before handing them to Harry._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Sorry, I thought I’d left them in the infirmary for you.” Harry’s vision came back into focus and he gazed at Draco. Rubbing his forehead lightly, he couldn’t help asking, “How did I get to the infirmary, exactly? I don’t really… remember.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Draco eyed him shrewdly for a moment before he began leading the way back to the common room. “I carried you. Yesterday morning. Pomfrey got you all situated and gave you something to put you to sleep,” he glanced sideways at Harry, who had hurried to walk beside him, “I wouldn’t have taken you, but…” he shook his head before continuing, “You stopped responding to anything. I spoke to you and you did nothing, I shook you and you did nothing. Nothing I did. It’s like you weren’t in your body anymore…” Draco trailed off with a delicate shudder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry nodded, it sounded rather like what had happened last spring._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Why are you nodding?” Draco sounded an odd mixture of angry, confused, anxious, and worried._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Harry rubbed his neck, “It’s happened before.” he mumbled with a shrug, refusing to meet Draco’s gaze._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s fucking _happened before _? What the hell, Potter!” Draco was screeching. He would never admit to it, but there was no other word that adequately described the furious noises coming from his mouth.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Harry flinched at the sound, unconscious of the fact that he was backing away from Draco._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Draco froze as Harry moved away from him. He was shocked, horrified, that anything like that had happened to him before, that he mentioned it as though it were nothing important. His stance softened, though his horror did not abate as he watched Harry Potter _cower _away from him.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________There was a steady stream of apologies issuing from Harry’s mouth as he pressed his back against the nearest wall, his eyes following every movement Draco made._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Harry’s body was positively thrumming, he was hyper-focused on Draco. He wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, but Draco had started yelling and something about the pitch of his voice had struck something instinctual within him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Draco approached him slowly, holding his hands up in a gesture of peace when Harry involuntarily flinched back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“It’s ok, it’s ok…” Draco’s murmured assurances slowly drowned out and halted Harry’s apologies. He stepped even closer and brought a hand up, cupping Harry’s cheek, feeling the warmth that he always exuded. Harry felt himself falling into Draco’s eyes, which glinted like silver in the torch light. His breathing steadied and he felt himself relax._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I’m sorry,” Draco whispered, “I just didn’t know what to do. You scared the hell out of me, Harry.” He pushed his unease at Harry’s fearful response to his yelling into the back of his mind._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Harry smiled rather bitterly, thinking back to Madam Pomfrey’s interrogation, Ron’s explosion, and Hermione’s incessant worrying. He tore his eyes away from Draco’s and stared blankly over his shoulder, unable to meet his eyes any longer. “I seem to do that to everybody I know. They’re just wise enough to clear out. You’re _supposed _to be smart, Draco.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco’s eyes tightened at the self-depreciating tone. He ignored the slight on his intelligence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He tightened his fingers against Harry’s face and tilted his chin up, forcing him to meet his gaze. “I am the smartest one of all, Harry. Because I can recognize that you’re worthy.” Draco swallowed nervously, his adams-apple bobbing, “I can recognize your strength, Harry, even when you can’t.” His words were the barest of whispers._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Harry was stunned at the burning intensity of Draco’s gaze. He couldn’t grasp the emotion he saw there, but it seemed to warm him from the inside, easing an ache that he had long learned to ignore. An emotion he had thought he would always live without. He couldn’t stop the smallest bud of hope from springing up within him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________His lips parted slightly, allowing a soft sigh to escape as Draco’s face came even closer to his. He could feel warm breath on his lips, could smell the rich scent that was uniquely Draco – old books, cognac, and something warm that Harry couldn’t quite place. His nerves settled and his eyes slid shut._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that before he felt a soft brush against his lips, once, twice, thrice, before Draco pulled back, his fingers tugging gently on Harry’s. They walked silently back to the common room, Draco’s fingers twinned with Harry’s the whole way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The common room was blessedly empty, “Everybody’s gone for the holiday,” Draco supplied when Harry looked around blankly. Draco settled down on a couch by the fire, he smiled softly at Harry, who was still standing in the middle of the room looking lost._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Nobody needs saving right now, Harry, come and just relax for a bit.” Harry nodded mechanically and shuffled closer. After hesitating for a moment, he lay down on the couch and settled his head on Draco’s lap, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to see Draco’s expression when Draco pushed him off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He jumped slightly, his eyes flying open as fingers tangled gently in his hair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Draco was peering down at him curiously, “Alright?” he asked softly. Harry nodded slightly, all he could manage around the lump that had suddenly risen in his throat and closed his eyes once more. He enjoyed the pleasant sensation as Draco continued to slide fingers through his hair. He allowed himself to be lulled to sleep, the feel and scent of Draco making him feel more secure and safe than he could remember feeling since… since Molly Weasley had accepted him as a member of her family. He shied away from that thought, not wanting to dwell on his current predicament with the Weasley family._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The afternoon passed pleasantly for Draco, Harry had fallen asleep on his lap and had yet to move. For a while, Draco had been content to watch him sleep. His face lost all of the harsh intensity that Harry carried around these days. He looked young. Innocent. As though he hadn’t been through a war. Draco gently removed his glasses, tucking them into his pocket._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He wished he hadn’t become so overcome with nerves earlier. He had practically squished Harry between him and the wall and Harry had been looking at him with such a broken air, he had seemed so lost. It broke Draco’s heart. He’d come so close to telling him. To admitting that they were soulmates. He’d come so close to kissing him so thoroughly that Harry would forget all about Andrews and what a complete prat the man was. He wanted Harry to know how much he cared._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________But this wasn’t about him. He didn’t think Harry was ready. He’d just gone through a huge fucking shock, Draco knew he wasn’t all that well right now. He wanted Harry to know that Draco meant it. That he wasn’t doing the same thing that Andrews had done. He was serious. He was Harry’s. He had been so shocked when Harry had settled his head onto his lap on their return to the common room. He couldn’t help feeling hope bud within his chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________It wasn’t until he found himself fighting the mounting urge to run his fingers over Harry’s scar that he summoned a book. He charmed it to hover in the air before him, allowing him to continue playing with Harry’s hair as he read the necessary chapters for their charms homework._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The silence was broken some time later by a loud rap on one of the windows. Draco jumped and Harry sat upright, smacking his face into Draco’s book. The book and Harry both fell onto the floor with a loud thump. Harry was spitting confused expletives as Draco looked around to find a large barn owl outside one of the windows._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He stepped over Harry, who was now staring sullenly at the ceiling, to open the window. The bird flew in with a draught of icy air, dropped a letter on Harry’s lap and flew out the window once more. Draco shut it firmly, cutting off the flow of cold air and turned to see Harry eyeing the letter in his lap._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Oh.” His face cleared, “Charlie.” Draco resumed his seat and watched as Harry tore open the letter. Leaning back against Draco’s legs, he started to read._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Dear Harry,  
I hope you’re doing well. I’m sorry to say I’ve heard from Ron. I can’t tell you how much it pains me that members of my family continue to blame you for the actions of George. It’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself. Please don’t isolate yourself again. You need to be out and about. Go to Hogsmeade, spend time with friends, go on dates._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Speaking of dates… I saw the copy of the Prophet from the other day. Harry, I’m so sorry. It was obvious that that boy was using you. I’m sorry you have to deal with people like that. You deserve better. If you want, I’ll introduce him to Laida. You know how well she likes people of his ilk._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________I was hoping I’d get to see you over the holiday, as I’ll be home for a short while, but I’m sure you don’t want to be at the Burrow right now. I hope you aren’t spending the holiday alone. Maybe we can meet up for dinner in Hogsmeade before I head back to Romania._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Your actions are your own. You carry a heavy enough burden without carrying the weight of others. It’s time to let go. Time to be yourself. You don’t owe anybody anything. You don’t have to date anybody you don’t want to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. And that’s ok._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Let me know about dinner,_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Charlie ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Harry chewed on his lip as he considered the offer. He tilted his head back when he felt Draco’s fingers._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco leaned over, so he could look at Harry’s face. “Good news?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Harry shrugged, wondering how to explain, “Well… It seems I’ve been uninvited for Christmas at the Burrow. But Charlie wants to go to dinner before he goes back to Romania.” He smiled slightly, “He offered to feed Michael to Laida, one of the Swedish Shortsnouts. She’s particularly ruthless and would tear him to pieces.” His expression became rather thoughtful as he imagined that scenario._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco’s eyes had narrowed at the mention of Andrews. “Never thought I’d agree with a Weasley, actually, I don’t. Andrews doesn’t deserve to get off so easy. He deserves to have his skin peeled off and to be fed to a blast ended skrewt.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco closed his eyes briefly at the blank expression on Harry’s face. “Don’t tell me you don’t agree. That fucking bastard deserves much worse than that for what he did.” He could see the agreement in Harry’s eyes, but his face remained blank._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Draco’s voice dropped to a whisper, “I can tell you’re thinking it, why won’t you say it. You are allowed to be angry, it’s ok to want him to pay. You deserve revenge.” Draco’s eyes glinted with a malicious light Harry hadn’t seen in them in a long time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I _do _. I just…” he trailed off, clearly struggling for words. Draco waited patiently. He dropped his fingers from Harry’s hair and rubbed at his stiff shoulders.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“It’s just, that’s how it started with Riddle,” his voice was the barest of a whisper, “There are so many similarities in our lives… I can’t. I won’t,” his voice choked before he could continue, “I can’t do it. What if it is just the beginning. What if that’s how it all starts. What if I decide I like it and I can’t stop. Voldemort was nearly immortal. I know what he did to become that way. I know the magic. What if I start to…” he trailed off, unable to articulate his fear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry choked as his head was engulfed in Draco’s arms and squeezed. “You fucking moron, Harry. You’re as likely to be a Dark Lord as I am to be minister of magic. It will never happen.” Draco relinquished his head and leaned back into the couch, “You don’t have to exact revenge if you don’t want to.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Harry spun around and eyed him suspiciously. It wasn’t like Draco to give up on an opportunity to exact revenge. He was too Slytherin to let any perceived sleight pass. “And if I don’t want you to, you won’t do anything either, will you?” Draco raised a brow at Harry’s stern expression._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Now why would I make a stupid promise like that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and leave kudos! I live for the moments when those emails arrive in my inbox. <3
> 
> XoXo


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I know this is short but I just wanted to give you a little something. I've been totally swamped lately with work and other things. So I hope you like this, and I hope there aren't too many errors cause I don't have time to proof read it right now cause I'm supposed to be running out the door and instead am sitting in bed, writing. I'm not even dressed yet, haha. I'll try to post more soon,
> 
> Love you guys,  
> XoXo

Harry was glad that the castle was mostly empty. He was even more grateful for the cold. The cold kept students cozied up in their respective common rooms. This meant that Harry was free to roam the cold corridors. It also meant that he didn’t have to explain to anybody, why he had taken to visiting the infirmary every day. 

Harry had tried repeatedly to tell Madam Pomfrey that he was fine, he felt completely normal, but she insisted on trying a multitude of remedies in an attempt to banish his ‘fever’. Harry submitted wearily. He’d even been drinking her little bottles of nutrition that she insisted he needed. They left an unpleasant, chalky taste in his mouth, but he dealt with it. If he were being completely honest about the matter, he had felt a little better since he began taking them. 

He had even shown them to Draco, but that was really to get Draco off his back about eating. Draco had seemed rather satisfied with it, and would watch intently when Harry drank it. Whether curious about the potion itself or wanting to make sure that Harry took it, he didn’t know. 

Christmas was upon then and Harry was feeling unaccountably nervous. He didn’t know what he should get Draco for Christmas. He felt like he should get him something… but nothing he thought of seemed right. What do you get for somebody who has enough money to buy anything they wanted?

He wanted to go window shopping, but he was reluctant to venture into any part of wizarding Britain when crowds and families would be out en mass. But he also wasn’t sure that buying Draco something from the muggle world was a good idea either. And so it was, two days before Christmas, and Harry was in a panic. 

He was idly sketching, a pad in his lap while Draco worked on an arithmancy assignment. He started when he realized that he’d covered his paper in drawings of the Triwizard cup. He’d been dreaming of it lately. He shivered, his eyes narrowing as a dark mood settled over his shoulders like a heavy cloak. 

The pencil was suddenly pulled from his grasp and he looked up to find Draco watching him curiously.

“What did the pencil ever do to you? You looked like you were about to snap it in half.” Draco rapped the pencil on Harry’s knee, “What’s got your wand in a knot, Golden Boy?”

Harry scowled at him half-heartedly. “I’m not a Golden Boy,” he sulked. 

Draco smirked at him, “Well of course you are. What are you drawing?” He tried to peer over Harry’s knees to see what was on the paper in his lap. Harry pushed at his face, his palm flat on Draco’s forehead, as he pulled his sketchbook down on his stomach, hiding it from view. 

“Get off, you prat,” Harry gasped when Draco slapped his hand away and tackled him. They wrestled over the sketch book, until Draco drew away with it, a satisfied gleam in his eye as he settled, panting rather heavily, at his end of the couch, eyeing Harry to see if he’d try to get it back. Harry, however, remained where he was, legs thrown over the back of the couch and his head hanging off, upside down, his glasses hanging precariously by one ear. 

Harry landed on his head, his body crashing down a moment later as Draco prodded his side with a toe. Draco laughed heartily while Harry simply arranged himself more comfortably on the floor. He didn’t really want to talk to Draco about his dreams and of course Draco would ask about the cup once he had looked at his sketches. 

He lay there, wondering when Draco would break the silence. He could feel the tension rising in his body, building until he couldn’t stand it anymore. He leapt to his feet, swiveling to face Draco. 

“Yes, it was my fault, I told Diggory to take the cup with me. He was going to let me take it alone and I told him I’d only do it if he took it with me. It’s my fucking fault that Diggory’s dead and before you ask, I have nightmares about it.” His voice died as he finally took in the blank look on Draco’s face. Draco was staring at him with an odd look in his eye. 

“Actually,” Draco began slowly, “I was going to ask if this is what you had planned for your next tattoo. You’re a very good artist you know.” Harry sank shakily down onto the couch once more, his face burning. He couldn’t look at Draco, couldn’t meet his eye.

“I rather envy your daring. I was raised to be the best, now everybody thinks I’m just another mindless, obedient death eater. Nobody gets tattoos because of the whole soul mark thing. It’s part of what makes the Dark Mark so… unattractive to people.” Harry couldn’t help but look at him now, but Draco was turning pages in Harry’s sketch book. “But people look at your tattoos and they see something unique, daring and beautiful. I wish I could have something like that. Something that made me… I don’t think I could ever get another tattoo though.” His voice trailed off thoughtfully. 

“So,” Draco continued rather brusquely, “Will this be your next tattoo?” Harry stared into his grey eyes, seeing nothing but warm curiosity. There was no disgust over what Harry had admitted, no hatred, nothing but a rather wistful curiosity as he watched Harry. 

Harry nodded slowly. “I think I might. I’m not sure where I should do it, thought. I mean, it reminds me of a lot, it’s a warning, not to trust – the ministry, things that look attractive, happiness. It’s all fleeting. It can all vanish in the whoosh of a portkey…” he paused thoughtfully, “I can imagine anybody else looking at it and thinking that I’m bragging because I won the Tri-Wizard. So somewhere covered would be best.”

His gaze was unfocused and he didn’t notice that Draco was giving him a thorough once over, his eyes tracing every visible bit of skin Harry had and at every bit of clothing as though he could see through it.

Harry bit his lip thoughtfully. “I need some more ink though. I’m out of black.” He glanced quickly at the window, it was barely noon. “Want to come with me to get more ink?” 

Draco spared a glance for his arithmancy assignment before nodding and rising, “Yeah, alright.”

Harry waited patiently as Draco fetched a long coat that would pass well in Muggle London. Harry was going in his t-shirt, more than happy to be out in the cold. 

They walked in amiable silence, enjoying the emptiness of the castle and the crisp, clear weather. When they passed the gates, Harry grasped Draco’s hand and pulled him into the tight vise of apparition. 

The blinked and found themselves in a dank alley, and Draco crinkled his nose at the smell.

Harry just grinned and tugged on his hand leading him onto the busy street and down a block to the tattoo parlor. 

They entered the little shop and Draco gaped as he look around. Harry grinned at him before turning and greeting the employee. Harry left Draco to his perusal of the shop, which was full of pictures of tattoos, varieties of body jewelry and plenty more, to secure his ink. 

He was pleased that the man behind the counter, Chris, seemed to recognize him from his first visit. 

“You’re the bloke who bought the ink, right? Did you end up getting a tattoo? Wanna show us?” Chris grinned at him brightly, his lip ring catching the light and glinting as he spoke. 

Harry grinned and held out his arm, showing off his basilisk. He hoped it wouldn’t move while Chris was looking at it. He didn’t feel like modifying his memory or trying to talk his way out of it. 

Chris seemed really impressed and exclaimed over the clear lines, the shape and the design itself. “It’s like you’ve got a real snake wrapped around your arm! Who did this? _You _did this? No way. How could you even reach? I don’t know how you managed to do it but it looks amazing. You want a job? If all your work looks like this, I’d hire you in an instant.”__

__Harry grinned at Chris’s enthusiasm and even lifted his shirt to show him the tattoo that spanned his ribs. Harry jumped as Chris reached out to touch the ink on his side. He dropped his shirt and backed up a step, bumping into Draco, who he hadn’t realized had come up behind him._ _

__“I’d love it if you’d do a tattoo for me.” Chris’s eyes were bright with enthusiasm as he watched Harry._ _

__Harry leaned back against Draco as he thought of a way to get out of it, “Er…”_ _

__“It doesn’t look like you have any room for another tattoo,” came Draco’s voice from over Harry’s shoulder._ _

__Chris glared at Draco, “I have plenty of room on more… private… parts of my body. Not parts you’ll ever see.”_ _

__Draco rewarded him with his best Malfoy glare, glad to see it seemed to have a cowing effect on the man. “They won’t be any parts of your body that Harry will see, either.” Harry flushed, he wasn’t interested in Chris like that, he hadn’t thought Chris had been interested in him that way either. He really hoped not, he had been glad to think that somebody liked him just because they’d had similar interests._ _

__“Your boyfriend’s rather the jealous type, eh?” Chris spared a glare for Draco, who had draped his arms over Harry’s shoulders, “I’m not a jealous git, if you get tired of this one.” Chris had turned his attention back to Harry who spluttered out an unintelligible response as Chris started gathering together bottles of ink for Harry._ _

__Harry knew his face was on fire and he felt a strong need to change the subject. “Did you see anything you liked, Draco?” He happily let Draco lead him over to the far side of the store where he was shown dragon shaped earrings._ _

__“They’re neat, don’t you think? They look really cool but I can’t imagine it would be pleasant to have it go through your ear.”_ _

__Harry peered more closely at the ring Draco had been examining. “Um, Draco? That’s a nipple ring. It wouldn’t go through your ear. That’s why they’re only selling one.”_ _

__Harry couldn’t help but laugh at Draco’s horrified expression. “What, don’t think you could handle a nipple ring? I guess this is a bad time to tell you about mine?”_ _

__Draco blanched for a moment before glaring at Harry. “You do not you bloody wanker, it’s not like you don’t walk around without a shirt on half the time.” Harry laughed loudly and poked his way through more of the jewelry, wondering if Draco wouldn’t actually like something like these._ _

__He glanced at Draco, whose face still looked rather pinched. Draco turned around as Chris called out that he had all of Harry’s ink ready and Harry slipped one of the Dragon shaped pieces off of the stand before walking up to the counter to pay for it all._ _

__Draco scowled at Chris from across the room as Harry paid. Once they made it out of the shop, Harry showed the receipt to Draco. “Do you think he’d still be interested if I told him I didn’t own a phone?” his tone was innocent, but Draco was staring in confusion at the numbers on the paper._ _

__“A what?” Draco asked as they headed back towards the alley. Harry quickly explained telephones to Draco and that Chris had given his telephone number to Harry on the receipt._ _

__Draco scowled, pulled his wand, and lit the little paper on fire. Harry yelped and dropped the flaming paper before rolling his eyes and grabbing Draco’s arm with his free hand, apparating them back to the Hogwarts gates._ _

__Harry rubbed the back of his neck before he spoke again, Draco was scowling at the snow as he kicked clumps of it out of his way. “Funny, wasn’t it, how he thought we were boyfriends.”_ _

__Draco stumbled slightly but made no other sign that he had heard him. Harry’s heart sank. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he had been misunderstanding Draco’s actions. He stopped walking and it took Draco a few steps to realize that Harry had stopped. He turned around to stare at him, his face red with cold._ _

__“I mean, how ridiculous was that? Thinking that somebody like you would date somebody as messed up as me? Clearly even the muggles can see you could do way better.” He was staring at his feet, the old, familiar feeling of despair settling in his chest. The feeling was intensified as he felt his eyes beginning to burn. Merlin he was not going to cry. But his vision was blurring, he could barely make out his shoes in the snow._ _

__He couldn’t see the incredulous look on Draco’s face and he didn’t notice him stepping closer, so that he was standing right in front of him._ _

__“Merlin, Potter, you bloody pillock,” Harry flinched as Draco’s cold fingers wrenched his chin up; he froze as Draco’s lips descended on his own; he thawed as heat pooled in his chest, the feeling of Draco pressed up against him chasing away the despair that had so nearly overtaken him._ _

__He couldn’t help it as he moaned softly against Draco’s lips, his body contentedly melting into Draco’s as he felt Draco’s tongue gently delve into his mouth. Their tongues met, stroking and gliding together as they explored each other’s mouths._ _

__Harry didn’t know how much time had passed before they separated. Harry nosed against Draco’s cheek as he realized that Draco had a hand wrapped firmly in his hair. Harry’s hands had slid beneath Draco’s coat, to wrap around his waist. He lightly traced his fingers over Draco’s belt as his brain tried to catch up with what had just happened._ _

__“Fuck,” Draco breathed out softly. Harry thought he sounded rather strangled before he continued, “Potter, if I need to do anything more explicit than that to indicate that I would like nothing more than to be your boyfriend, we are going to be in a lot of trouble. And when I say ‘we’, I mean you.” His hand had released Harry’s hair and was stroking through it slowly, “You will be in a lot of trouble. And if I ever hear you say something like that again, about you not being good enough…” Harry was pretty sure he could feel Draco gritting his teeth, “I will spend as much time as it takes to help you understand that you deserve the best that there is to offer, not what you think you deserve of what you’ve settled for._ _

__Draco buried his face in Harry’s hair as he whispered, “I’d give you the world, everything I possibly can, if you’d let me.”_ _


	21. Chapter 21

Harry couldn’t stop grinning. He and Draco had returned to the common room and Harry’s head was once more settled onto Draco’s lap. Draco’s nose was once more in a textbook, though he was playing with Harry’s hair with his free hand. 

Harry couldn’t recall the last time he had felt so good. He felt light, energized, and rather excited. It took him a moment to realize that what he was feeling was _happy _. He wasn’t even fazed when Draco flicked his cheek. He was still looking at his book, but Harry could see the grin he was trying to hide.__

__“Stop smiling, you big sap.” Harry grinned wider and pushed Draco’s book aside before he sat up. He slowly leaned forward, until their lips were a hairsbreadth away._ _

__“I’ll stop smiling when you do, you git.”_ _

__Draco tried to scowl but accepted Harry’s kiss warmly; his fingers rasped softly against the stubble on Harry’s jaw. Harry felt the happiness bubble up in his chest as he settled onto Draco’s lap._ _

__He nipped lightly on Draco’s lip, earning him a soft moan, even as he settled his face against Draco’s neck._ _

__“Draco, I feel happy.”_ _

__The whispered admission had Draco’s arms wrapping around him tightly, pulling him close._ _

__“I am too, Harry. I am too.” Harry could feel Draco’s nose, brushing against the top of his head. “Your hair smells good. Kind of… spicy, but in a cold way.” Draco froze, as though his he had only just realized what he’d said._ _

__“If you tell anybody I just said that, I’ll deny it completely, and hex your skin blue.”_ _

__Harry just smiled and relaxed comfortably against Draco’s body._ _

__“What’re you reading?” Harry mumbled against Draco’s neck, he felt more relaxed than he had in a long time. He almost felt as though he could sleep._ _

__“Well, unlike you, Potter, I actually do my homework. I’m reading up on trans-mutative potions for our assignment.”_ _

__Harry flicked him lightly in punishment, “Finished last week,” he managed to get out, even as he yawned, snuggling more completely into Draco._ _

__“Finished last week?” Draco sounded incredulous, “What, did you do it the day we got it?” Harry nodded against his neck, unable to see the shocked look on Draco’s face._ _

__“Merlin Harry, even I’m not that eager to do my potions homework, and I actually like the subject.”_ _

__Harry grinned softly, though he could tell he was falling asleep, warm, comfortable and content to be pressed up against Draco’s side._ _

__Harry’s reply was barely intelligible, the soft murmur muffled against Draco’s neck, “Homework, n’I can’t sleep…” his voice dropped off as he drifted into sleep._ _

__“Harry!” he was being shaken roughly, “Harry!” His name practically shouted in his ear. Harry thrashed, his eyes darting about wildly, seeking out his tormentors. Slowly, Draco’s pale, worried face swam into view, stilling Harry’s thrashing, though he couldn’t stop the shudders that travelled through his body._ _

__“Shh…” came Draco’s voice, soft and soothing to Harry’s tightly strung nerves, “Just a nightmare, just a nightmare…” Draco’s arms were wrapped tightly around him, rocking him gently back and forth. Harry saw a red splotch spreading along Draco’s jaw. He lifted his hand and lightly brushed his fingers over it. He wondered if he’d woken Draco with a punch or if he’d caught a blow while Harry thrashed and Draco tried to still him._ _

__“I’m sorry,” a whispered apology before he pulled away from Draco’s tight hold. He sat up, brushing a shaky hand across his sweaty forehead. He glanced quickly at his watch, just past three in the morning. He turned sideways, glancing down to see Draco propped up on one arm, watching Harry with a worried expression._ _

__Harry tried to smile at him reassuringly, though, judging by the rather startled look on Draco’s face, he hadn’t succeeded._ _

__“I’m alright, really. Please go back to sleep. But first,” he pulled out his wand and pointed it at Draco’s jaw. Before Draco could state a refusal, there was a flash of orange light and the redness faded from Draco’s jaw. His questing fingers found that any pain and swelling that had started were gone._ _

__“Didn’t know you were any good at healing.” He tugged gently on Harr’s arm until Harry lay back on the couch with him. Draco’s hand rubbed gently up and down Harry’s arm, soothing away the shivers that wracked Harry’s frame._ _

__They lay quietly, Harry listening for Draco’s breathing to even out. He knew he wouldn’t sleep anymore tonight, though he knew Draco would. It wasn’t long before Draco’s arms relaxed and his breathing evened out._ _

__Harry carefully extricated himself from Draco’s grasp and headed up to his room. He figured he could use this time to work on Draco’s Christmas present, but first he needed a shower. He couldn’t imagine why Draco had wanted him to lay down again, his shirt was soaked through with sweat, his hair was plastered to his head._ _

__After a quick shower – Harry couldn’t help but smile as he washed his hair, thinking of Draco’s comments about the scent – Harry settled onto his bed with a book on transfiguration and a small piece of metal, fished out of a bag with his new tattoo ink._ _

__Harry quickly stuffed the small piece of metal into his pocket as he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, a moment later, Draco had opened his door and shivered as the usually frigid air in Harry’s room hit him. He frowned slightly before stepping inside, climbing onto the bed beside Harry and bundling himself into the blankets._ _

__“You didn’t go back to sleep again, did you?” Harry felt fingers trace across his back even as he shook his head. He flipped his book closed before reclining against his pillows and looking at Draco._ _

__“Sorry I punched you.” He traced one finger across Draco’s jaw, glad to see that his skin was as pale as ever._ _

__Draco smiled, “You only caught me by surprise because I was asleep. We both know you’d never have landed a hit if I’d been awake.” His voice retained the haughty tone that would have made Harry want to punch him just a few years prior. Now, however, Harry simply smiled, a surge of affection rolling over him. He wiggled his way under the blankets and reclined with Draco, rather content to spend the morning doing nothing at all._ _

__They relaxed together for a short while, before Draco mumbled into his chest. “I need to go shopping. I have to find gifts for my parents. I’d invite you to come, but it will be exceptionally boring. I have to get it all check out by the aurors before I’m allowed to send it. That’s what will take the most time.”_ _

__Harry trailed his fingers down Draco’s neck and back up again. He really wanted to go with Draco, especially if he had to be with the aurors for hours. Harry had the niggling feeling that it wouldn’t be a pleasant experience for Draco. There were a lot of people who were upset that Draco and his parents were not locked up in Azkaban…_ _

__But, if Draco left, Harry would be able to finish Draco’s gift. He was sure that he would be able to finish it if he had a few more hours to work on it. So he nodded, smoothing his hand down Draco’s back._ _

__“Sure. You’ll be back for dinner?” he questioned. Draco confirmed this and they lay quietly for a few moments longer before Draco finally drew away, his reluctance to move clear in the slow motions he made to pull away. He loomed over Harry for a moment before kissing him gently._ _

__As he pulled back, he spied the transfiguration book at the foot of the bed. He picked it up and thumbed through it curiously. “You’re always reading books on transfiguration.” A quick glance at the small bookcase by the desk validated that statement. “Are these all from the restricted section? I don’t recognize them.”_ _

__Harry plucked the book from Draco’s hands and tucked it under his arm. “Yeah they are. All of them. I’ve been given permission to read whatever I like from there. Transfiguration has seemed particularly interesting to me, lately.” He idly traced his fingers over the cover before setting it aside and pushing Draco down, rolling atop him, pinning him to the bed._ _

__“Are you sure you don’t want to stay here with me all day?” he teased, tracing his lips down the curve of neck behind Draco’s ear. Draco arched his neck, allowing easier access for Harry._ _

__Draco hummed pleasantly as Harry nipped lightly at his ear. “I’d love to, but then you’d have to explain to my mother why I failed to send her and father gifts.”_ _

__Harry pulled back with a grimace, even as Draco laughed at him._ _

__Harry scowled down at Draco, “I know better than to cross your parents.” He shuddered dramatically, “Merlin knows I’ve tried that before. It didn’t end well.” He dropped his voice to an ominous tone, pleased at the laugh he won from Draco._ _

__Harry dropped a kiss onto Draco’s upturned mouth. “I am in support of any plan that keeps your parents happy with you. And me. Send your mother my regards. They’re currently in Paris, aren’t they?”_ _

__Draco gaped up at him, “How the hell could you possibly know that?”_ _

__Harry grinned and nipped at his lower lip. “Mmm… I’m a man of many secrets.” He laughed as Draco smacked him over the head with a pillow. He rolled onto an elbow and looked down at Draco who was glaring at him._ _

__He grinned at him fondly, “Get going you git, so your parents have no reason to hate me. Well, as far as your Father is concerned, no more reasons, hmm?” Several pushes and hasty kisses later, Draco was out the door and Harry lay back on his pillows, smiling as he stared blankly at the ceiling._ _

__He still wasn’t sure what he had done to deserve somebody like Draco. Draco was so… refined and attractive… talented and smart… he could do so much better than Harry. He was so messed up, and he wasn’t sure he could be fixed. But he would go with it so long as Draco let him. He grinned as he imagined the reactions of Dean and Seamus when they found out. The three of them had spent a good portion of the beginning of the year discussing how Draco had grown into his features. He really was quite attractive._ _

__Harry rubbed his jaw. It felt rather sore. He was sure he had smiled more in the past day than he had all year. He wondered what bad thing was headed his way next. The universe didn’t seem to like it when he felt happy, as it never lasted very long. He shrugged it off, not wanting to dwell on it._ _

__He pulled Draco’s present out of his pocket once more and set to work. The day passed quickly, Harry managing to finish Draco’s gift before he returned. After dinner they settled down in the common room before the fire. Draco had procured a box of chocolates during the day and he seemed to enjoy eating one and feeding the next to Harry._ _

__Harry couldn’t complain, the chocolate was excellent, and he was able to tease Draco. He would lick chocolate from his lips as seductively as possible, and even once grasped Draco’s wrist so he could lick the melted chocolate from his fingers._ _

__They lazed around, snogging pleasantly and watching snow drift down out the window. The silence in the room was a pleasant change for the both of them. Draco stirred sleepily as the clock chimed midnight._ _

__“Happy Christmas, Harry.” He pressed a soft kiss against the black hair that was tucked beneath his chin._ _

__“Happy Christmas, Draco.” With one last kiss, the separated both heading to bed._ _

__

__Christmas morning had Draco bursting into Harry’s room to find him curled up in his windowsill, reading. Draco marched over, pulled the book out of his lap, tossing it on the bed and waving his wand at the small pile of presents at the foot of Harry’s bed._ _

__“Come _on _, Harry. It’s time to open presents!” Draco’s eyes were glowing with excitement. Harry smiled at him, noting the disarray of his hair – positively nothing else was as strong an indicator of how important Draco viewed present opening. Draco _never _failed to fix his hair in the mornings._____ _

______They retreated to the common room where they both set about opening their presents. Hagrid had sent him a box of fudge and a spindly silver pocket watch, that Draco found rather fascinating. Hermione had sent him a book on mind magic, it looked as though it dealt with the magic behind memories, penseives and thought. He suspected she would want to borrow it from him before long._ _ _ _ _ _

______He received a rather dashing vest from Charlie, embroidered with silver and gold dragons, and a small package that was from the Dursleys. Inside was a partially used ball point pen and a note stating that Dudley had been accepted into University. Harry twirled the pen in his fingers as he wondered how Dudley had managed that. He figured Vernon had ended up parting with a lot of money to make it happen._ _ _ _ _ _

______He then watched as Draco tore through several large packages containing very fancy looking clothes, a bottle of cologne, which he had spritzed, leaving a delicious smell in the air, boxes of sweets, a few books, some new quidditch gear, and tickets to go and see the Weird Sisters in concert that summer._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry couldn’t help but enjoy watching Draco open his presents. Usually so composed, he tore through the paper with wild abandon, and Harry could clearly picture what Draco had looked like when he was six years old, surrounded by a pile of presents while his parents watched with fond smiles._ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco cast a quick glance over Harry’s small pile of gifts before pulling out his wand. He tapped his palm a few times nervously before he gave it a little wave. A rather large box drifted out from behind a couch and landed on the floor behind Harry, whose jaw had dropped. He gaped at the gift before glancing at Draco. He pulled a small box out of his pocket, which he held out to Draco in turn, his face burning red._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I didn’t. Er. I didn’t… I hope you like it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco snatched the box from Harry’s outstretched hand, his face ablaze with curiosity. He opened the little box much more slowly than he had opened any of his other gifts. He scooted closer to Harry as he pulled at the paper. He unveiled a small box which he opened slowly. He stared down at a little silver dragon with emerald eyes, shaped into a loop._ _ _ _ _ _

______His lip twitched slightly before, “It’s not a nipple ring, is it?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry busted up laughing, and it took him several long moments to compose himself long enough to pluck it from the box. He held it up in his hand and stroked a finger down its back. The metal writhed under his touch and reshaped itself into a ‘C’ that was a little shorter than his little finger._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well,” Harry began haltingly, his face tinging with red once more, “You really seemed to like the jewelry at the shop the other day, but you didn’t seem so keen on the idea of having holes anywhere, so I improvised. This little guy will resize and reshape to be whatever you want him to, whether a ring, a band for your ear,” Harry fitted the metal around the shell of Draco’s right ear. Draco shivered slightly as he felt the little jaws clamp down on the top of his ear and curl its way around the shell, the tail twisting up to curl around his earlobe._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Or,” Harry continued, “He can reshape himself to be a bracelet or a necklace. If you ask him to.” He looked suddenly nervous, his hand creeping up to rub the back of his neck, “Do you like it?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco conjured a mirror in the air before them and examined his new decoration from every angle possible before turning to Harry, a grin on his face._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s perfect,” he announced, before crushing their lips together, cascading them back into the large pile of paper left over from his gifts in his exuberance._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry was blushing furiously as they rose and Draco nudged him towards the large box. Harry cautiously opened it and blinked as he stared down at a large pile of… clothes. He began pulling them out. There was a bit of everything. Slacks, jeans, t-shirts, button ups, jumpers, jackets, robes._ _ _ _ _ _

______What really had Harry staring however, was the tags that were affixed to all of the items. He lightly touched them, his brow furrowing. “These are new?” he questioned._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Of course,” Draco was looking at him oddly. “You didn’t think I’d give you somebody else’s clothes, did you?” Harry stared down at them silently. With the exception of the jumpers Mrs. Weasley had knitted for him, he’d never been given clothing that hadn’t belonged to somebody else before. His school robes, which he had bought, were the only things he’d had that were solely his._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Thank you.” He said, his voice sounding more choked than it should have._ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco smiled at him, “You’ll have to try them on to see if you like them. They’ve all had cooling charms sewn into them,” Draco rolled his eyes at him, “Since you’re always so bloody hot. Maybe this way I can get you to warm up your room a bit.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______At that moment, Draco spotted the ballpoint pen the Dursley’s had sent him. “What’s that?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s a pen. Like a quill you don’t have to dip in ink. They’re really common in the muggle world. Muggle have way more pens than wizards do quills.” Harry took the pen and drew a little snitch on Draco’s wrist. Draco was fascinated, as he examined it. Harry tried his best not to laugh. “You can keep it if you like, the Dursley’s sent it to me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Draco stared at him, his expression becoming rather angry. He drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, “Harry I really hate your fucking relatives.” He tucked the pen away and pulled Harry up. They spent the day pleasantly, roasting over the fire anything they could skewer on a roasting stick, playing chess and talking about different places Draco had visited with his parents on holiday._ _ _ _ _ _

______Overall it was a very pleasant day. Harry was feeling content and had all but forgotten the small pang of hurt at the lack of gift from any of the Weasley’s, Charlie aside._ _ _ _ _ _

______He decided he wouldn’t worry about it. He would meet up with Charlie for dinner later that week and he felt a little pang of happiness each time Draco reached up to touch the little dragon that wound around his ear._ _ _ _ _ _

______He really couldn’t conceive of a way he’d have rather spent the day._ _ _ _ _ _


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one tonight.  
> XoXo

The rest of the holiday passed in a happy blur, Harry went out for the night with Charlie, which gave Draco some time to himself. He couldn’t help but worry for a little while, wondering if this wasn’t some elaborate scheme of the Weasley’s to hurt Harry more. He shook this thought off and took the time to write a few missives without Harry around to see.

By the time Harry had returned to the castle, looking just as content as when he had left, Draco had finished a handful of correspondence that he was hoping would set things in motion to work in his favor. 

He had sent a letter to his solicitor, in regard to a business opportunity he wanted to pursue, he had written to his Mother, telling her that he and Harry had gotten together, he had written a long letter to Granger, asking about Harry, the Weasley’s and her thoughts on what they all might do to help the situation further. The hardest letter to write that evening was one that was quickly sent off to the Burrow. 

He had spent a long time thinking about what needed to happen with the Weasley’s. He knew deep down that they really cared for Harry a lot, they had practically adopted Harry during his teenage years… Once he had gained more understanding of what had happened over the summer with the Weasley’s and Harry, he felt like that understanding needed to be spread. 

He couldn’t believe what he’d actually admitted in that letter. There were things he hadn’t even told Harry yet, he wasn’t sure he would tell Harry though. But after several hours of agonizing, he completed it.

__

_To the Weasley Family,_

_I would first like to extend my apologies that I have not addressed you sooner, as this letter has been long overdue. I would suggest that it greatly weighs upon me, but in light of everything else I shall endeavor to amend, it pales in comparison._

_I suppose the correct place to start will always be the beginning, in which I must extend apology for my behavior towards Ronald, Ginevra, and George. While at school, I treated them with contempt, cruelty, and open hostility. I know there is nothing I can do to change my past behavior and I wish to offer my apologies, and to assure you that any and all such behavior will be curbed in the future. I wish to, if nothing more can be achieved, be civil with the members of your family._

_I must also apologize for the role that I played in the injuring of Bill. I know it occurred only a short time ago, though to me it seems as though it were in a different lifetime. I cannot fully convey to you the pressure, confusion, fear, and desperation that beset me during my 6th year of school. I know that to you, whom I have wounded so grievously, it is little consolation to know that I was doing what I thought necessary to protect my family from harm. I am deeply sorry that Bill was caught up in the attack on the castle and that Ron was also injured my by misguided actions that year. My intentions were not to harm either of them and their injury is a heavier weight upon my spirit than you can know._

_I would also offer my deep apologies for my attitude, speech, and behaviors in regard to your entire family that I have espoused my entire life. I was raised to believe that anything my Father did not agree with was wrong and worthy of mockery, I was taught to be cruel to those who were deemed beneath me. I am ashamed that it took me as long as it did to come to understand the injustice and cruelty that I bestowed with my blind acceptance of everything I was taught. I wish you to know that I am working to remake and rework my beliefs and behaviors in all things._

_Lastly, I must offer my deepest apologies for an offence against your family that I have only just learned of._

_It will surely be of no surprise to any of you to learn that last spring, in the months before my family went before the Wizengamot, that I feared I would spend the remainder of my life within a cell in Azkaban. What you will not know, however, is that I had planned to kill myself before I was to go to my trial._

_I was in the process of brewing a draught that would steal from me the last breath of my body, when I was visited by your son and brother, Harry Potter._

_He spoke to me only briefly as I had nothing to say to him - what could I possibly say to him? The man who had saved my life even after all I had done. He returned to me my wand, which he had taken from me by force some months previous. He offered to shake my hand, he offered to start fresh. I, of course, spurned his offer. What would Harry Potter possibly want with a wastrel of life such as I? And I did not plan on being alive much longer, in any case._

_It was not until after he left, that the fact of his visit began to bother me. Why, I repeatedly asked myself, would he come visit me? After all, had I not devoted my youth to tormenting his very existence? Had I not sought his injury, pain, expulsion from school, anything and everything at all that could go wrong in his life – I enjoyed it all._

_I slowly drew the conclusion that, to be so bothered, to make such an effort, that Harry, the Hero, the Savior, the one person who always seems to do the right thing, must see something good within me. What he saw, I have no idea. I’m sure that he was wrong. There was nothing good in me. But I found that his hope and his effort fanned a flame within me that I did not know was there._

_I wished to be good. I wished to be what he saw within me. I wished, bitterly, that I was not raised the way I was, that I had not done the things I had done – simply because I now knew what it was like to have somebody look at me as though I was good enough. As though I was worth saving. I became determined. I would become what Harry Potter believed I could be. Even if I doubted my ability to do so, I would be able to, because of Harry. I could be the next impossible thing he helped happen. And he wouldn’t even know it._

_I did not know until a few short weeks ago that George and I were of a like mind last spring. I did not know of the pain and anguish that short visit of Harry to me would cost your family. For that I feel the sincerest sorrow. I am grateful that Harry came to me, as I would not be here now if he had not, yet I am sorry for the cost you have had to pay for the continued existence of one you hate so fully._

_I have come to know Harry more completely over the past few months and can express my solid belief that, no matter the guilt and sorrow I feel, that he feels wholly responsible for the grievance and pain that you have experienced – for my unknowing gain._

_I ask not that you forgive me, but I would ask that you forgive Harry - who was only trying to do what he thought to be right – even if his timing was as completely awful as usual – he would never hurt you if he could help it. I know that this is one of the reasons that you love him as you do. He strives to do what is right, in all things. He has a pure heart, and would give just about anything, for you to forgive him._

_He would never ask it of you, as he does not think he deserves it. But if there is anybody worthy of forgiveness, it is that man._

_I know I have done things that are beyond your forgiveness, so I will not mock you by asking for it. I simply wish you to know that I wish to change and I am changing. In this I am seeking to be like Harry, always doing what he feels is right, no matter the difficulty of the task._

_I am, evermore, your servant,_

_Draco Lucius Malfoy  
___

__

__Draco had just finished sealing all of his envelopes when Harry stumbled through the portrait hole. He watched in amusement and Harry staggered towards him, having a rather difficult go of circumnavigating the armchairs that separated them._ _

__Draco wrinkled his nose as he caught a whiff of Harry. Gone was Harry’s spicy, comforting scent – it was completely covered with the smell of alcohol._ _

__“Mmmm…” Harry mumbled as he snuggled his face into Draco’s neck, “Missed you.”_ _

__Rolling his eyes, Draco patted Harry’s leg before standing and - ignoring Harry’s protests, hauled him to his feet. Harry immediately latched onto Draco’s waist, his hands exploring as he pressed sloppy kisses up Draco’s neck._ _

__Draco groaned as he felt Harry’s hands settle on his arse. Merlin, not while he was drunk. He pulled Harry’s hands away and started leading his intoxicated boyfriend up the stairs, “Had a good time with, Charlie, I take it,” his wry tone was lost completely on Harry who immediately began rambling about dragons and red hair and mountains and who knew what else._ _

__Draco managed to get Harry to his room, but Harry seemed to take this as indicative that Draco would be joining him. Draco grimaced under Harry’s sloppy kiss and helped undress him. He felt rather amused at Harry’s repeated attempts to help Draco undress as well. He was rather glad that Harry lacked the motor skills to undo buttons as the moment._ _

__After a good quarter hour of fumbling to get Harry ready for bed, Draco had him in bed – alone – and had pressed a soft kiss against the head of black hair on the pillow._ _

__“Goodnight, Harry. Sleep well. You can tell me all about it in the morning.”_ _

__Draco quietly shut the door to Harry’s room behind him and left for the owlery, wondering what the hell he thought he was doing all the while._ _


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is short and I'm sorry that it's so long overdue! My life has literally gone crazy. I've been gone to work 11+ hours a day, I got into a car accident, moved, and there've been several major holidays. So I haven't had much time to write, I apologize.
> 
> Thank you to all of the wonderful individuals who encouraged me to continue, I again apologize for keeping you waiting for this update. I'll try my best to keep more coming quickly as my life calms down again. 
> 
> In the meantime, please accept this short chapter with my assurances that I haven't abandoned the work. 
> 
> <3 much love,  
> GardingLondon

Harry groaned and buried his face into the comforting darkness of his pillow. He couldn’t tell if somebody was knocking on his door or if the pounding was a simple pleasure for his head alone. 

He flinched as a hand caressed the back of his head. It wasn’t until he heard the soothing tone of Draco’s voice that he relaxed – having completely forgotten that nobody else could get in. 

“I’ve brought you a gift – though I’m not sure you deserve it…” Draco’s dripped with indecision even as a small glass vial was pressed into Harry’s hand. 

Harry sat up slowly, grimacing at the taste in his mouth and swallowing heavily as he battled to calm his roiling stomach. He uncapped the bottle and lifted it to his lips, a cool, refreshing liquid rolled across his tongue, leaving a pleasant tingling in its wake. 

He set the vial on his bedside table with slow deliberate movements as the pounding in his head eased and his stomach settled. Draco settled comfortably on the end of the bed and watched amusedly as Harry carefully got to his feet and made his way to the toilet. 

Harry leaned in and kissed Draco’s cheek once he’d emerged a few minutes later feeling much more refreshed. “Thanks,” he murmured softly, “I really should have thought of that before I went out.”

Draco smirked up at him, “I didn’t think Gryffindors believed in hangover potions. Clearly, to be truly brave, you should face your hangover head on. Only Ravenclaws and Slytherins are smart enough to think of hangover potions.” He paused as he seemed to consider something, “Hufflepuffs… well, when they actually party they go so hard the rest of us feel obligated to take care of them. They’re the really smart ones – getting others to do the work for them.”

Harry shook his head, a grin spanning his face. “Well, you might be right about that. Usually there is a lot of moaning in Gryffindor tower after a late night. It was always really bad when Fred and George decided not to drink – they’d set out to be as noisy and obnoxious as they possibly could – to the regret of everybody else. ” 

The grin slowly faded off of his face. He rubbed a hand across his eyes. “Well, there’s Gryffindor stupidity for you. We never really even thought of hangover potions.”

He flumped down, burrowing his head beneath his pillow. He tensed as he felt fingers brushing across his shoulders - but when they did nothing but trace lightly back and forth, he relaxed. 

Harry wasn’t sure how much time passed before he felt Draco moving beside him, he cracked one eye open, sure he was imagining things. No, he wasn’t, Draco had pushed his head under the pillow as well. Their noses were a hairsbreadth away from each other. He could smell the cool mint of Draco’s gentle breath. 

“Harry,” the whisper was barely discernable. “I don’t want…” 

Whatever it was, it must be bad. Draco was never nervous to speak his mind. Calculating, yes, but never _nervous _.__

__Draco cleared his throat, “I don’t want to tell people. About us. Not yet.”_ _

__Harry blinked. That was it? He pushed the pillow off of their heads and propped himself up on an elbow so he could look down into Draco’s face. He brought a finger up and traced it across a fine cheekbone._ _

__“Alright.” Harry’s easy acceptance seemed to catch him off guard, his mouth, which he had opened as though to argue closed slowly before opening once more._ _

__“I didn’t think you’d agree to that so quickly.” His eyes darted across Harry’s face, searchingly. Harry gave him a fleeting smile._ _

__“I don’t recon anybody would want to take on the Prophet, especially after the fiasco that went down the other week.” His face became pensive. “I can hardly stand the press, I can’t expect anybody I’m with to do that.” His fingers traced their way down Draco’s jaw as he spoke, “And I know you don’t like being noticed as much as you used to.”_ _

__His eyes pleaded with Draco’s to not take offense and glowed with relief at Draco’s quirked brow but otherwise silent response._ _

__“I suppose,” posed Draco, “But know that I’m doing this more for your sake than mine. You need a bit more time for the press to calm down before you not only tell them that you’re dating a man but that you’re dating a Death Eater.”_ _

__Harry shoved his shoulder lightly. “Don’t call yourself that.”_ _

__Draco crinkled his nose before pulling the pillow over his face once more._ _

__Muffled sounds could be heard coming from beneath it and Harry rolled his eyes. “If you’re cold use the blankets. Laying on top of them doesn’t help. I’m sorry, I just can’t handle having it warmer in here – It’s too hot as it is.”_ _

__Draco pulled the blankets over himself, even as he sat up, the pillow falling onto his lap. He eyed Harry curiously._ _

__“Still no difference? Maybe we should go see Madame Pomfrey again.”_ _

__Harry groaned loudly as he settled into the windowsill, “Please no, I can’t handle having to take more potions. There’s nothing wrong, I feel fine.”_ _

__He decided to ignore the pointed stare Draco was sending his way as he pulled a sketch pad onto his lap._ _

__“Harry, you are _not _fine! Nobody even knows how long it’s been since you were running at a temperature normal for humans. Your body is too warm and that can be really dangerous. As much as it pains me to say it,” he deftly caught the pencil Harry threw at him, “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”___ _

____Harry muttered darkly before letting out a long, slow breath. He gazed steadily at Draco for a few moments before conceding. “I don’t think it will make a difference,” he started, “But if it means that much to you, we can go by after lunch.”_ _ _ _

____And so it was that Harry found himself being poked and prodded by Madame Pomfrey on his last free afternoon before classes resumed. He much would have rather spent the day with Draco enjoying the empty castle for a few more hours, but if it made Draco feel better, he’d swallow whatever potions were handed him._ _ _ _


End file.
